Fifteen year old boy feeling up my 10 year old son.

[PaWithABra]

My son has come back form a day out with a local youth group for the first time.

when i spoke to him after he said he had enjoyed it. His mum has just rang (he is at hers) and at bed time he broke down crying and told her this boy he had made friends with was tickling him between the legs and asked him to shoe him his cock.

I am a bit stunned. He said they were messing about having a tickle fight (the adults had left them alone on the bus) . when he started to feel uncomfortable with the nature of it, he says he just kept laughing as he didn't know what to do.

dont know what to say. Help !

anyone got any good advice ?

The parents did believe their child. And in the end the police were contacted, but they wrestled with certain aspects of it. I'm not convinced that makes them bad people.

I dont think that we are going to agree on the queston of information availability, so think that it would be better for us to agree to disagree on this rather than derailing this thread entirely.

Pa, you did the right thing. The youth group will have a safeguarding policy which has to be strictly adhered to. They have to take some firm of action.

I hope your son is ok.

No we aren't going to agree because I'm not speaking from a well meant - but only theoretical, opinion.

Ok so this is what happened next.

The youth group and social services were informed.

The youth group told us the older boy has 'complex and challenging behaviour' This was known about. They wont take him on any more trips unless he receives some extra help to understand this kind of behaviour is not allowed and even after they are satisfied with him he will always have 1:1 supervison.

The social services man told me what he could without breaching confidentiality.
He said the boy has cognative developmental problems. Their assessment was that a crime had not taken place and considered the incident to be one of inappropriate behaviour and as our son is removed from the situation and has parents who responded correctly they don't consider him at risk.
they also told me the tickle fight had been initiated by the adults supervisors when they were on the bus.
He cautioned against finding professional help for our son as he believed that it might make it into too much of a big deal for him. Rather he suggested talking about boundaries and acceptable touching and to keep an eye on him to see if he is indeed handling it well. The social service man was pleased that our son was able to confide about his feelings after the incident and indicated this is a heathly response. They are not worried about him.

That's about it really. Not quite sure what, if anything, to do next.

Oh ..and our son seems fine . He didn't go back to the group for the next canooing lesson although he was quite happy to do so (so long as the boy wasnt going to be there) he even asked if he could take sandwiches (instead of a flask?)but his mum thought it better if he didnt . Or rather she doesn't trust that group to look after him properly.
He was also quite happy to not go .
So i guess we'll see. I think i will have a chat with his headmaster

Pa - sounds like your ds is doing ok, and as long as you and he are ok with the outcome, it seems like you have done everything you need to do.

If you were at all worried about your ds, you might find that you could have a chat with a counsellor for a second opinion. Many companies have free sessions with counseling services as part of their benefits - maybe you or his mother have access to something like that?

Sarahluv's post has been reported

Pa sounds a bit like burying it under the carpet to me. Surely the police decide if an offence has been committed, and you and your DS decide if he should see a professional for counselling if needed?!

That strikes me as horrendously bad advice.

Further more - if I was you - alarm bells would be absolutely screaming out loud at the idea of "adults" initiating tickle fights between themelves or even children of different ages.

If they know this boy has challenging behaviour - why was he alone on a bus with your son.

You've been whitewashed.

How would they know it's a one off??

Someone further down Suggested as your child is no longer at risk SS would close the case and they have.

The youth club should automatically referred to both police and SS. I don't understand why they haven't.

I agree.

SW shouldnt be making decisions about whether a crime has taken place or not.

Without taking this forward it is possible that the 15yo is not not going to be getting further assessment and intervention that may be of benefit (though that could be happening without your knowledge).

If the tickling was instigated by adults is there any kind of post incident review going to happen to look at why the staff thought that would be an OK thing to do and to consider any training needs.

The option to contact the police is still open to you, if wished.

Gosh so glad your son told his mum, the next kid this could happen too may not feel so brave to talk up. Nip it whilst you can good luck with everything x