Fifteen year old boy feeling up my 10 year old son.

[PaWithABra]

My son has come back form a day out with a local youth group for the first time.

when i spoke to him after he said he had enjoyed it. His mum has just rang (he is at hers) and at bed time he broke down crying and told her this boy he had made friends with was tickling him between the legs and asked him to shoe him his cock.

I am a bit stunned. He said they were messing about having a tickle fight (the adults had left them alone on the bus) . when he started to feel uncomfortable with the nature of it, he says he just kept laughing as he didn't know what to do.

dont know what to say. Help !

anyone got any good advice ?

Your poor son.

I think I would begin by contacting the police. Ensure that your son sees specially trained officers who know how to deal with children.

This sort of thing needs to be nipped in the bud.

(And gently re-assure him that he did nothing wrong in that situation. Abusers do often rely on confusion and blurry lines. A boy of his age would rarely know how to assert themselves with a much older boy.)

Poor you - I'm sorry.

You phone the organisers first thing in the morning and ask to contact their Welfare Officer - they should have one. If not you ask who is responsible for Child Protection issues. You give a calm account of what your ds has told you and say that you wish to make a formal complaint. You reassure your ds that he has done nothing wrong and that you're glad that he has told you what happened. Tell him that you need to let the youth group know.

Yes, I would call the police too. Poor lad. :( So brilliant he could tell though, he must feel much better now it's shared.

Poor love. :(

I would also contact the police, rather than the youth group. They have officers specially trained in this area.

Thanks for the replies.

His mother will contact the youth group in the morning. He has only spoken to her so far and i will be away at work.

Not sure the police need to informed though ? would that not be making too big a deal of it ?

A 15 yo touched your 10 yo boy? Thats really unusual, and a child protection issure, from the perspective of the 15 yo as well as your son.

No, that's not making too big a deal.

I know this is hard for you to come to terms with, but your little boy has been sexually assaulted. He needs this to be dealt with properly, by people why know what they are doing. If it happened in school, staff would be obliged to let the police know. The same may be for the youth group. The police being the first contact will mean that DS doesn't have to go through the trauma of describing what happened time and time again. They will be specifically trained and will do everything they can to take care of your son. The youth group will have the agenda of looking after their organisation your DS is not their only priority. He is yours.

No, it wouldn't be 'making too big a deal of it'. I realise it's a paranoid world we live in, but this boy is not another ten year old. He is a sexually mature, much bigger boy, who intimidated your son into putting up with contact he wasn't happy with. (And I am not a 'PC' type at all.)

He needs to get the message that this is NOT okay, and it needs to be noted that this has happened so he can potentially get some help/diverted from a more serious path.

Get some advice here

my concern with going to the police .....

it kind of escalates it from my sons point of view doesn't it ?

from being in a situation he was uncomfortable with but really didn't understand to being interviewed by police officers (however well trained) seems a like it would add more pressure .

I see why you might think that. However, the youth club will have a procedure which is likely to mean exactly the same, just with a few more rungs to the ladder, as it were.

will do.

Yes, NSPCC good call.

In that case, start with "Toothbrush*'s advice.

I get your concerns, but police officers who deal with children really are specially trained, just for that. It's not like they will turn up mob handed in uniform and start yelling. They may be able to advise you how to broach the subject with him first.

How does his mother feel about it?

Toothbrush's. Derp.

whats "derp" ?

Oh, sorry. I was basically saying 'duh' at myself for not typing properly. (It's a bit of an internet meme thing. I have a geeky partner and he has infected me.)

No, you are not making too big a deal of it.

My DS had some problems with a lad, when my DS was 10, and the older lad was 17 and we ended up going to court.
Our experience was that the police were fantastic and do everything to protect your DS and his needs.

You can just talk to them initially, and they will take step by step as to what is best for your DS. (there is a term for it but I am tired and can't remember it).

We were told DS, and ourselves, could decide if we just wanted the police to have a quiet word with the lad, a warning or prosecution. He was offered counselling at the time and also that if he needed it later on (when time has passed but events sink in).

I also felt it would have not given the lad who did it, the right message to simply 'get away with it'. He had other 'victims' and was reaching an age where the effects on his future would have far more reaching effects. This was not my over riding concern, but from a point of humanity, doing something stupid in your teens is a crap way to mess up your life without guidance to get you back on track. I figured as much as I wanted to protect my DS, if this lad got help and support to check his behaviour, it had to be a good thing.

For DS, who chose to prosecute, it was enormously empowering, as he had been subjected to a lot of bullying previously, so having people protect him and stand by him mattered an awful lot.
He didn't go to court, as the lad pleaded guilty and we got to express that we wanted him to have counselling included in his 'punishment'.

I think, and hope, that the course of action we took, has helped DS to deal with the incidents more positively now, so that in the long term, they have less impact on his future. He himself has a 'nodding terms' relationship with the lad as he has 'closure' (I hate that term but it sums up DS's state of mind). Where as I must confess, whilst I wish the (now) young man no ill, I struggle not to simmer internally when I see him.

Give your DS every opportunity to process this on his terms, and if you get the level of support that we did, then the less harm will hopefully done.

FWIW, my DS has come on leaps and bounds It is a nightmare, but you can come out the other side with limited damage. I wish your DS, and yourselves all the best in getting through this xx

I know your worried about how your son will view it of police are involved BUT if it's not taken seriously then he will conclude this behaviour is ok, he is worried over nothing and he needs to sweep it under the rug. Police are trained to deal with this. Speak to anyone who was abused as a child and who's parents covered it over, you will find most wanted something done.

Phone the police

NSPCC say to contact child services for them to make an assement.

The youth group should have procedures in place. They should be your first port of call otherwise this boy may be doing this to another child tomorrow. However I would seek assurance that they will be seeking professional advice - it's possible that they will not wish to acknowledge the gravity of the situation.

The NSPCC said as much forty plus.
Well they said if you prefer to contact the youth group first that's fine but they would expect their procedure to be to contact child services.
If it isnt, then we should contact child services ourselves.

Interestingly they also saw it as a child protection issue for the 15 year old too.
Is he acting out something he has experienced ? etc ?

CALL. THE. POLICE.

This is the first time he has been with your son, and he has sexually assualted him.

You have a duty of care to your own son, but also to other children this boy is coming into contact with.