Anyone had problems with pre school? I think they are trying to label my son as autistic

[roseability]

I am pretty sure my ds keyworker was suggesting my ds is on the autistic spectrum

We are confident this is not the case, as at home and at family functions he shows no signs

We had a meeting today with the deputy head of the school (who oversees the nursery) as we had some concerns about how this has been handled

Does anyone else have experience of this?

Hmmm www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1139286-To-be-upset-that-my-ds-swimming-instructor-pushed-him-under-water

Perhaps we are being harsh and DS is just having a tough time of it at the moment...

'i hope you are campaigning about it'

well not really because as jimjams said, people either want to get it or they don't.

however, I am going to ski 900 miles across Greenland in two months time to raise money for autism education, so I guess yes, we are campaigning. (this is our expedition www.kitegreenland2011.co.uk) We are all advocates, because as has been suggested here, no-one knows our child better than us.

it's funny how having a different child changes you. for the better I think.

wimple

perhaps some of the frustration is that for children with any severity of asd the most positive outcomes are achieved by prompt assessment and intervention.
And that most people replying have experience of the shock of a diagnosis as well as a parents ability to have a blind spot when it comes to recognising quirks of behaviour as the potential symptoms they may be.

If someone posted 'nursery nurse thinks my DD may have hearing problems but i think she is wrong so I have reported her and don't want any assessments carried out' i suspect people would be equally concerned.
But then ' someone has suggested my child has a hearing problem' would not be met with fury. which was kind of my point

I think the op is alarmed which is understandable. I hope she calms down a bit and uses the parents who have been through this process to get the advice they are more than willing to give.

actually wimple it started with OP's own post when she snapped at coldtits for calling her love. lisad's post was in no way rude or attacking OP. there have been many other posters trhoughout the trhead that have pointed out that even as professionals in their field they still missed their own dcs' ASD traits.

I said fuck off to the isinuation that I stigmatise autism because i don't want my son to have difficulties in his life

Did none of you read what I said about my understanding of stigma and how awful it can be

My mother had schizophrenia, yes a different ball game to ASD but none the less she suffered many of the same sorts of attitudes

So my fuck off was not to all the comments and advice but that nasty assumption when you don't know me

Greythorne your post suggested that I am taking the attitude of 'I would never have a ds with autism'

bullshit! I am a mum like any other trying to work my way through a difficult time and I have stated time and time again I don't give a shit about any diagnosis or labels my children have, they will still be my children

I worry for them and what it would mean for their life. No maybe I am not as educated as you about it, I am not years down the line with an autistic child. Maybe this is the start of that journey but your agressive attacks and plain nastiness aren't helping.

You sound like you have preconceptions of your own and are very defensive yourself presuming because I am worried about what this would mean for my ds I am like all those other prejudiced types

If you want to educate people about ASD you are not going about it the right way

I apologise if the list of reasons I gave why I didn't think my ds was on the spectrum was offensive. Again remember that I don't have the experience of living with an autistic child. I am sure it is joyful and rewarding and you would not change them for the world. I would not change my ds for the world either whatever the outcome and the suggestion that I somehow don't want him to be autistic because of how it would reflect on me is disgusting

So I will get him assessed asap because I really think there is something in what the nursery nurse has said. I am not worried about my ds being autistic at all because I understand it fully and welcome the diagnosis. The nursery nurse was unprofessional but some people can spot autism from a mile off so she must be right and I won't complain about her conduct because she wants the best for my ds

There that is the answer you want

no-one has been agressive except you OP.

I suspect that most people on this thread would like you to have as much information as possible about your son so that you are best placed to assist and support him.
Most people on the thread recall going through the diagnostic prices for good or bad and would like, if they could, to offer help and support to any other parent in that position.
Many of us recall our disbelief that this could be happening and many of us recall the huge struggle in getting others to help.

Your anger is understandable. Your misunderstanding of what posters have been trying to offer is huge. Which is sad for everyone really. It may make you feel better to shout at me and others to fuck off. But you are walking away from quite a useful resource. And a willing one. Which is unusual tbh.

Well done roseability
There may well be nothing but at least you will know.
Go have a glass of wine, you sound very upset and tense (unsurprisingly I might add).

I am glad that you agree with me that a hearing test is a good idea. I think an eye sight test and a development assessment with the health visitor might help.

Autism is not a death sentence. It is very misunderstood. I believe that most people have some autisic strait.

I feel its wrong to jump to conclusions. Our community paediatrian told us that it requires substantial assessment before a child is labelled with autism.

The nursery nurse should have taken you to one side and out of earshot of parents and said. roseability, we have concerns about roseability ds development. He is struggling with instructions inspite of being a very bright little boy.

just love how you take half my words and tell people how terrible i am. "just because you are a nurse and extended family are proffessionals doesnt mean you know it all.
I spent years working with families and children with SEN and some with ASD and still missed my DD1 who has a dx of ASD, until she was 5!!" is what I said.

Now I am going, I have posted on this thread trying to be helpful, but clearly thats not whats its seen as, so off i go.

Hope assessments go well OP

not entirely sure if OP isn't being sarcastic with her last paragraph.

I think the point is that if you as a nurse (did I get that right?)identified issues with a patient that might or might not be linked to a serious condition, but that the outcome of that serious condition might be improved by early intervention, then you would be advising the patient to check it out. Even if it turned out not to be the case.

We all agree that the keyworker was somewhat tactless, but for us with the benefit of our experiences feel that the other part of your post was more important.

We were asked for our experiences and we have given them. I think it might be the general aggressiveness and dismay in your posts that has led us to feel that the attitude to autism was at it's root.

Fresh...I think Rose was being sarcastic when she said she would listen to the nursery nurse and get her DS asessed.

Rose...I don't think it's helping you at all coming on here...I think you need to focus on the actions yu want to take next. Best of luck

I wasn't trying to undermine any of the posters on here when I said there was some harshness going on...I just sort of understand where the OP is coming from.

Im an emtional type myself.

I know there are some really helpful and informed people here.

Do sponsor drowninginlaundry everyone - what she is doing is bloody marvelous (and a little bit scary to those who like their central heating ). I have :preen:

It was the insinuation that I would be dismayed if my son was autistic and that I stigmatised it. I did not say fuck off else where

I don't misunderstand it that much you know. I know it is a spectrum and that some argue many of us are on it. I suppose the point is whether it is causing issues that need support. I want to know that is the case with more evidence before I or anyone jumps to conclusions.

If that warrants the sarcastic and derogatory remarks well I won't be going on the SN threads even if my son is autistic. I haven't been left with a good impression so far and think you do have your own agendas which isn't just wanting to help. You want to attack anyone who you presume is being prejudiced about ASD, but be careful not to do this when you don't really know someone

" I suppose the point is whether it is causing issues that need support. I want to know that is the case with more evidence before I or anyone jumps to conclusions."

an assesment will give you that evidence. why are you so dead against setting the ball rolling for the assesment now when it can take up to 18 months to get one?

i know it can be scary to find out that your child might need extra help but burying your head in the sand (by putting off the assesment) is not thinking of your son. IF your son is on the spectrum, he will benefit more from earlier DX and help. if he isn't then you will know.

and I am not adverse to any negative remarks about my ds. I fully accept he will have difficulties and hurdles in his life

As a nurse no I wouldn't approach a relative with an implied diagnosis based on a couple of observations. I certainly wouldn't do it in a public place, we have very strict codes of conduct regarding confidentiality

And before you imply that I was somehow embarassed about people overhearing that my ds might have problems, no that's not it. It was more the fact that my ds could hear and was a little freaked out by it. When I asked to go somewhere a bit more private next time she refused and carried on handing me assessment forms in front of other mums and my ds

I am not angry because she dared to suggest there is a problem with ds but at her unprofessional conduct. It causes distrust in the teacher/parent relationship, not a good start to this process

But go on defend her and think she is wonderful because after all she is amazing enough to have such a wonderful understanding of autism and all its complexities.

I think if you read what people have said on the whole there hasn't been a big leap to defend the nursery. I explained that I took my son out of the nursery he was in because they handled it so badly (despite me having concerns myself).

Well maybe I am thinking through who I want to do an assessment.

I was warned not to rush ahead with their assessment by a good contact. Does she know who will do it? Are they good? I am going to get more details

No I don't believe I am doing my ds a diservice by taking all advice and weighing it up

you see, rose, there's that anger again.

noone has defended the nursery worker.

everyone has said she handled it badly.

most have agreed that you should complain.

but at the same time, that you should think about what she has said.

because, in the experience of nearly every poster on the thread, nursery wokers do not raise concerns willy nilly.

your snide assertions that "she must have been on a course" and that she is over-keen to dx (which she has not attempted to do - your OP says you think she may be suggesting your ds is on the spectrum - not quite the same thing as her saying your ds has ASD, is it?)

noone has said that they think your ds has ASD.

ime, (and the experience of ohh, about 90% of the SN boards, I'd say) nursery tend to underplay concerns. they brush things aside which are total red flags. they completely do not know enough. which is why the worker is trying to suggest assessment. by someone who does know.

I too, am bemused as to why you would not apply for this. it takes months. and even then, it is usually not over in one appt. you are aske dot wait and see, and come back in 6 months.

you can gather all your evidence (either way) while you wait for the appt.

but it would be a shame to not apply, gather evidence that suggests your ds may need an assessment, and then find out you need to wait another 8 months or so, wouldn't it?

"But go on defend her and think she is wonderful because after all she is amazing enough to have such a wonderful understanding of autism and all its complexities."

who has done any of that on this thread? you are creating this row in your own head.

no one thinks you would be doing a disservice by taking advice and weighing things up.

had you posted 'the nursery thinks my son may have autistic traits and suggest assessment but i first wish to take advice and weigh things up' i suspect the thread may have gone a little diffferently.

Possibly with slightly fewer fuck offs. But I am no expert

You don't usually get to choose who does the assessment. When we were desperate for one I tried very hard to find a private paed to carry out one and couldn't - not anywhere in the country - actually there was one Gilly Baird but her private waiting list at the time was 9 months.

Locally there is usually an assessment procedure in place. Ds1 eventually (when we moved) had an assessment by a specialist HV (like a more high qualified/up with development HV) who referred us for a multidiscipinary assessment. Over a period of 6 weeks he was observed in a specialist nursery by nursery workers, saw a paed, saw a clinical psych, had vision and hearing checked, saw a SALT and we saw a SW. At the end of the 6 weeks everyone above gathered together in a room (along with us) and the diagnosis was given/decided upon.

Different areas do it differently (ours was actually pretty well done compared to most) but you don't usually get to choose who assesses. You preferable need a developmental paed to assess, if not a clinical psych can do it, but no-one else counts really.

roseability
Exactly the same thing happened to me at ds's pre-school.
His key worker said she thought he may be autistic as he didn't play with the other children and flitted from one activity to another.

He was prem, had speech delay, my immediate reaction was God how stupid am I to have missed that.

I was very upset but not with her.
His speech therapist and paedaetrician don't think he is but he is still getting one to one support.
The nn did handle it badly but I really don't understand why you are so upset ?
My ds's key worker has possibly got it wrong but so what !?