I'm sitting in Morrisons car park crying my eyes out

[allthesharks]

6 years ago today my daughter was born at 28 weeks. Today is her 6th birthday. She is here, she is remarkably well and I have so much to be thankful for. But her birthday brings it all back. This time 6 years ago she had been born over 2 hours ago. I hadn't seen her and I didn't know she was alive. 3 hours later she was transferred to a level 3 hospital. I wasn't able to be transferred. She was in hospital for 9 weeks. She had sepsis twice. But she was home before her due date and we had a much easier time than others and than we could have had. But none of that makes today any easier. I need to go into the shop and do some shopping but right now, getting out of this car feels like the most impossible task. Her Dad and I aren't together anymore, so the one person who I feel can really relate to what happened isn't there anymore. It makes it feel like I went through it on my own. I feel really alone.

Oh, and DD is so proud of her preemie history. Plus she gets two birthdays as we celebrate they day she should have been born to!

It’s normal to feel like this. Take the time you need to feel sad but also to feel tremendously happy that you and your DD have come through it all.

My DS was born at 24 weeks 14 years ago. He was born in early October and was due right at the end of January. Every year as his due date approaches I think to myself how long ago his birthday was. It’s taken me years and years but finally the trauma is something that I can put in a ‘separate box’ in my brain - it will never go away, and actually I don’t think I want it to go away because it’s an intrinsic part of who my son is - but I can live with it and for the most part it lurks unobtrusively. It takes time but I am sure you will get there.

Be kind to yourself x

Your DD sounds fab OP x

Goodness I still have moments like you describe, and it feels like the most isolating and lonely time on earth. My DC was born 7 years ago at 28 weeks, and it was such a traumatic and horrible time. Even my other half doesn't really seem to get why I still feel like this, because, after all, 'things turned out ok'... Like you, I also found a new pregnancy, years down the road, way more triggering than I could have expected.

Hope you had a good celebration with your daughter, and best of luck with your new baby.