Unexpected 4th pregnancy.. Regret abortion

[KatieBee25]

Hi everyone, it's been 2 months since I had an abortion with my 4th pregnancy. It was completely unplanned and accidental. I already have 3 children who are 8,6 and nearly 2.
I decided to terminate the pregnancy at 5 and a half weeks, as I felt like we couldn't cope with another baby. I am a stay at home mum, with no family support apart from my husband. My 8 year old is possible ASD/ADHD and demands a lot of attention. Our house is a 4 bed so each of the children have their own room, if we had kept the pregnancy it would have been really hard.
However since having the abortion I feel so much guilt and regret and long to be pregnant. I feel like all the reasons I didn't want the baby we could have overcome and it would have been hard but at least I'd have a baby, now I just have this pain and guilt.
i have been considering having another baby to take away the pain, all i think about is being pregnant again!!!

Just after some advice on what to do.. will the guilt and grief get easier? Or should I just have another baby to help with moving on from the abortion?
I felt I rushed into the decision to abort because I didn't want the pregnancy to progress any further as I would have found it even harder to terminate the pregnancy.

please be kind as I've already judged myself enough as is!

thanks xxx

@KatieBee25 its so nice to hear that your husband is giving you full autonomy over your body and choices in life. In regard to your husband not stopping you from terminating the pregnancy, I don’t think they know any better. They are not aware of the mental toll it can have on a woman. I was actually expecting the counsellor and abortionist/doctor to stop me especially since I wasn’t 100% on terminating, they should have known better, but I think they are more money hungry than to actually consider a woman’s mental health.

It’s good that your heart is open to welcoming another baby after the abortion. Thats a positive direction you’re headed in. Children are a blessing.

I would say just follow your heart. If you are in a space to welcome another baby and yearning for another baby (and your family is ready for another little one), then I say go for it. I come from a family of 4 children, my mother told me that 4 children is no different than managing 3 children. After 3 children, they almost take care of one another. And you are young, you have time now or later. It doesn’t get harder later (not for us at least) because me and my husband are older and still manage with little ones. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. I think it will all work out in the end.