Unexpected 4th pregnancy.. Regret abortion

[KatieBee25]

Hi everyone, it's been 2 months since I had an abortion with my 4th pregnancy. It was completely unplanned and accidental. I already have 3 children who are 8,6 and nearly 2.
I decided to terminate the pregnancy at 5 and a half weeks, as I felt like we couldn't cope with another baby. I am a stay at home mum, with no family support apart from my husband. My 8 year old is possible ASD/ADHD and demands a lot of attention. Our house is a 4 bed so each of the children have their own room, if we had kept the pregnancy it would have been really hard.
However since having the abortion I feel so much guilt and regret and long to be pregnant. I feel like all the reasons I didn't want the baby we could have overcome and it would have been hard but at least I'd have a baby, now I just have this pain and guilt.
i have been considering having another baby to take away the pain, all i think about is being pregnant again!!!

Just after some advice on what to do.. will the guilt and grief get easier? Or should I just have another baby to help with moving on from the abortion?
I felt I rushed into the decision to abort because I didn't want the pregnancy to progress any further as I would have found it even harder to terminate the pregnancy.

please be kind as I've already judged myself enough as is!

thanks xxx

@KatieBee25 its so nice to hear that your husband is giving you full autonomy over your body and choices in life. In regard to your husband not stopping you from terminating the pregnancy, I don’t think they know any better. They are not aware of the mental toll it can have on a woman. I was actually expecting the counsellor and abortionist/doctor to stop me especially since I wasn’t 100% on terminating, they should have known better, but I think they are more money hungry than to actually consider a woman’s mental health.

It’s good that your heart is open to welcoming another baby after the abortion. Thats a positive direction you’re headed in. Children are a blessing.

I would say just follow your heart. If you are in a space to welcome another baby and yearning for another baby (and your family is ready for another little one), then I say go for it. I come from a family of 4 children, my mother told me that 4 children is no different than managing 3 children. After 3 children, they almost take care of one another. And you are young, you have time now or later. It doesn’t get harder later (not for us at least) because me and my husband are older and still manage with little ones. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. I think it will all work out in the end.

Hi,

I really resonate with everything you have said, and sadly I’m in the same position. Found out I was pregnant with third child and instead of joy, felt overwhelming fear and worry. Im 38, turning 39 in a few months and both of our children are in school
now. My husband was shocked and clearly not on board with a third but said he would support whatever I wanted. I felt so much pressure because I didn’t know what I wanted. I went back and forth for a week of chronic indecision and set myself a deadline to decide before being 6 weeks, as I knew that if there was a heartbeat I would never have gone through with it. I woke up anxious at 5 weeks 5 days and took the first pill. It’s like it was an out of body experience, I can’t believe I actually did it. I had a panic attack and wish I had thought to try and make myself vomit but I didn’t. I rang BPAS and they told me I didn’t have to take the second set and wait to see what happened. Tragically I started bleeding the next day and ultrasound confirmed the pregnancy was no longer viable, so had no choice but to continue. I feel so much guilt and shame, I don’t know how I can live with this. I have taken a brother/sister away from my children and I don’t understand how I let fear take over. I now feel desperate to have the baby back and I’m crying seeing other people have third babies. This is very recent so I know hormones may still be intensifying feelings but I just don’t know how I can ever reconcile what I’ve caused. Would love to hear (kind) advice. I have never struggled with my mental health before so this is all new to me.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. Im nearly 7 months out now, and I remember the first few weeks were the worst, I honestly didn’t know if I would survive at all - I was at such a dark place afterwards. It has slowly gotten better in time and with help of medication and a lot of therapy. I would recommend therapy for this, I don’t know how I would have navigated this without a professional. I also have two kids and this happened with my third pregnancy. Only difference is my pregnancy was actually planned but I experienced extreme anxiety/ocd and depression when i found out i was pregnant which sent me into a neverending spiral - or so it seemed it would never end. I pressured myself to terminate as soon as possible so the pregnancy would not progress, and as you can guess I was consumed with the regret and guilt afterwards. Its been hell but it has slowly gotten better.