Emotions post termination

[CJones11]

I am going yo need a termination and am obviously devastated to be in this situation but I know its the best option for our family right now.

I haven't phone to make the appointment yet but I'm just wondering what I should expect?

Also, anyone who has had an abortion but felt awful about having to do it, how were you afterwards?

@Poster57 Thank you for your support throughout.

I decided on Thursday evening that I was avoiding the inevitable and took the first pill. Nothing happened physically but had a monumental wave of emotions, partly grief and partly relief. Crazy that the two can coexist, right? I planned it so that I would be inserting the four vaginal tablets late Friday night, and my husband was home for the children. I was shaking when the time came, and for the first 30 minutes after inserting. I think the anxiety of the unknown had a part to play. I barely felt any pain, if I'm honest. Some slight period cramps, and that's it. I did feel them passing and stupidly looked, although being so early it was manageable to see.
Once I have a shower and freshen up plus a nice meal I know I'll feel better. I will forever wish things were different for this pregnancy but I won't regret putting my existing little people first. Or putting myself first. Abortion is healthcare and thank goodness for being in the UK right now. My heart aches for the women who are trapped by systems that do not allow them the autonomy to choose 💔

@CJones11 100%. Look back and read this at any point you’re having a rough moment as absolutely everything you’ve said is true. It takes an amazing Mum to put her existing, real life Earth side children first and that’s what you’ve done ❤️

it is wild that the two feelings can coexist. Gratefulness and grief intwined. I’m also grateful to live in a country where our healthcare system allows the health and wellbeing of the Mum and existing family first, a place where either choice is valid. Your life matters.

Will be thinking of you over coming days. Know you’ve still got support here through it ❤️

@Tinydancer222 thank you, I agree there is so little support for those who have had terminations. It is a hidden and unspoken grief.

@CJones11 sorry I know it is rubbish what you are going through. I can relate to the relief (phew, I can return to the life I had planned) but also the sadness and grief. Try to be kind to yourself, I think I made a little list of why I needed to do it, which was a good reminder when I 'wondered' occasionally in the future.

The list idea is great and I am going to do one right now. Today has been tough. I think my nerves have settled and my hormones are everywhere so feeling quite regretful today. Lots of tears. Realistically, I know that continuing would have brought an abundance of problems. But the niggle is also whispering 'and so much love'. The guilt is strong. Trying to be kind to myself and pour all my love into my existing children while wondering what might have been.

Hey @CJones11 how are you doing? Hormones can be a pest in the aftermath. I saw something you wrote the other day about how both choices can be a positive outcome. I thought that was such a lovely way of looking at it and I’ve never heard it described from that PoV before ☺️

Almost 2 months on and that one piece of advice has kept me going. The aftermath of the abortion has been tough. It's almost like I psychologically fear intimacy now. I think about what stage I'd be at and who they could have been daily. But at the same time my little 1 year old twins have developed so much recently. They fill our home with wonderful chaos. My almost 8 year old is so intelligent and I love spending time with him. Our 3 year old has become my sidekick, full of love and and laughter. Our home is vibrant with the children we are busy raising.
My relationship with my MIL has been fractured because of the abortion. It's upsetting but also confusing because she doesn't see how tough our lives already are. My husband had a call today from a clinic about a vasectomy. He was referred a year ago. I had this overwhelming sense of sadness because its reality. I know we won't experience more pregnancies and children but the ending of an era feels final.
Anyway, thank you so much for always checking in. It's been nice to have the space to chat freely, without judgment.

I read this a couple of weeks ago when not having a great day for various reasons and it made me smile. Obviously I don’t like the difficulties you’ve had with your MIL etc but it’s seems like you’re seeing the light with all the positive that’s come to your children. I forgot I’d even mentioned how both choices can be a positive outcome but is so true. Something I need to remember some days as well ❤️