Abortion @ 22 weeks

[difficultchoicem]

I'm really struggling with a decision here.

I have an appointment booked with the hospital next week for the pre-assessment and the 1st appointment to prepare for the surgical abortion.

I am financially strapped. And originally baby's father was going to help out, he has now made it clear he won't.

The information hospital has provided me with has detailed every step, which includes the likelihood (given my gestation) of foeticide. I didn't know about this before and only when she mentioned it on the phone and in the information they provided for me to read over.

That's the main issue I'm struggling with. I think if they hadn't mentioned that I wouldn't be dwelling on the morality of this. Has anyone been through this?

I already regret not dealing with this much earlier on, but things have changed dramatically.

I have, albeit many years ago.
I have absolutely no regrets, but only you can decide.

I'm so sorry you're in this position. Can they offer you emergency counselling?
Take care of yourself OP.

Finances can change and the benefits system should offer you a safety net. 22 weeks is approaching viability. It is your choice. Just look at all your benefits options and housing options. Do you have family or friends to support you?

Lots of love op

Later term abortions are usually carried out for medical reasons. Has the abortion provider offered you counselling service?

I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean by being concerned about foeticide? That is the outcome of an abortion, surely?

When you say babies dad won’t help, do you mean financially? Because he has no choice, you apply through the cms and they directly take a proportion of his wage straight to you. You would also get child benefit and could apply for universal credit.

They have offered counselling but I don't think I need it. It's there for before and after the treatment. I'm also meant to start a new job in June.

Basically they've said an injection will go into the baby to stop his heartbeat so I don't give birth to a live baby.

As for leaving it so late, this is something I deeply regret and unfortunately can't change. The situation was very different a couple of months ago.

Your healthcare team had to take you through the steps of the procedure to ensure you can give informed consent. It would be unethical even illegal if they had failed to do so. You may have had to then face these feelings after the event which may trigger some complicated feelings after the fact.
What you are contemplating is going to be hard and sad and may take some time to recover from mentally and physically and emotionally. But you are not undertaking this measure lightly. You have no doubt spent many hours to decide that this is the best course of action for your wellbeing.
I think it would help you enormously to talk this through with someone. Time is of the essence here so may not be possible to establish a relationship with an understanding therapist pre procedure. You could ring the Samaritans who will give you space to talk through your feelings without judgement or offering advice. If you go ahead with the procedure you can then find a therapist to support you afterwards.
You are not the first or only woman to be faced with a hard but necessary choice.
I really feel for you. Please be kind and gentle with yourself.

Does the Father have a choice wether to help out ? I thought if you father a baby then you need to provide financially and it can be taken out of his wages if he doesn't. There will be benefits too.

I'm sorry you're going through this. For me I think this late I would need to be very sure and it doesn't sound like you are.

I wish you well whatever you decide x

That's really good advice .

I think if you’re struggling with the decision then you do really need to talk to someone, this is something you absolutely need to be sure about.

take care of yourself op x

22 weeks...would you consider adoption? I actually didn't know they would do it that late without medical concerns.

In every sense of the word. Said he's going to make it difficult and that I need to not have it. He won't be present, help raise or provide support in every way.

You need to make your own decision OP. I am not judging either way but it worries me that you're dwelling on the fact that he's pressuring you not to carry through with the pregnancy. This needs to be your decision and yours only.

Well he can’t refuse to engage with the cms, they just do it all directly from wages before he sees his pay check. You don’t have to have anything to do with it. Adoption would be another option you could consider too.

Are you aware that the foetus is potentially already viable at 22 weeks? There were twins born at 22 weeks a little while back who are doing really well. I mention this not to be unkind, but because I would hate for you to find this out afterwards and to wish you had known.

It rather feels like the father is bullying you into this, which does really increase the chances of regretting this. Plus I think the whole process could be quite traumatising.

Have you explored any benefits you would be entitled to? And whether the father would need to pay maintenance?

Would adoption be an alternative?

Your last post sounds like he is pressuring you into a late abortion, which is abhorrent of him.

You absolutely do need counselling, OP. No one should go through such a traumatic situation without specialised support. The fallout afterwards will be all on you, not the father, so you need to protect yourself as much as possible.

which includes the likelihood (given my gestation) of foeticide. I didn't know about this before

That's the main issue I'm struggling with. I think if they hadn't mentioned that I wouldn't be dwelling on the morality of this.

I'm not sure what you mean here. This would always be the outcome of an abortion. Or do you mean you weren't aware of the precise process?

They have offered counselling but I don't think I need it.

If you're struggling with the decision then I think the counselling would benefit you. No one on here can tell you either way because it's such a personal decision.
I had an abortion and don't regret it, but that doesn't mean anything when it comes to someone else's situation and how they will feel.

It sounds like you are struggling. Please consider counselling. If you want this baby you can do it as a single mum.

Since you are here asking, I will say that I personally would only have an abortion for medical reasons at 22 weeks. Adoption would be my preferred pathway to not raising a child that late into gestation.

Do you want an abortion?

Can you not read. It's in the OP. And work on your language as it absolutely reads as judging.

Ex saying 'I need not to have it' - This sounds like a scary threat. Are you scared on him? Are you afraid if you go ahead he could get the baby? It sounds like you did want this baby. Remember you could tell him you've had a termination and then just give up baby for adoption (you could have an elective c section in about 13 weeks time) or not put him on birth cert. you can tell the hospital you're scared of him and go into a refuge if needing to hide from him.

If it's for financial reasons that you feel you can't go ahead you can look up what am I entitled to for benefits calculations. There's lots of universal credit etc available. Make sure you're fully informed.

I would follow advice and get counselling for this- the abortion provider should provide it.

It's very uncommon in this country (about 1% are done after 20 weeks), but is allowed up to 24 weeks.