Hi there.
How you are progressing with the decision?
I was 100% on your place 5 years before with a 7,5 ywar old and a 3,5 year old. Noone could help me to decide, i was shocked and crying. My husband was44 and i was 39, without help. I felt i could be a mom of 3 but i wouldn't be enought for them, and my kids would get not enought from me in the next 3 years.
I made the decision encouraged by my husband and mom, saying it is the best for our family, although, it was a planned pregnancy as yours. (Planned for ages, then thought it is not possible biologically, then came as a surprise and we felt it is too late, we are too old, we are over and starting a new episode in our family life)
i felt we were not thinking to details, having a kid is not just about baby smell, but responsibility and objecting our limits. I felt constantly that there is no good decision, when i tried to get closer to the baby in my mind and heart, the fear and extrame stress came immidiatly, i could notcthink and use my mind i was just vegetating.
Fear of the big age gap, the children left alone, the life of my oldest to be barriered again, the risc of having a baby eith some disableity, wich affects the now-existing family.
I felt relief for a few days, but in a very short time the grief has arrived. I had to be medicined, and it did not heelped in a long way therm, it just sadowed the grief. Now, i am here 5 years later, seing the 2. therapist since all of this stayed with me, changing my whole life, my perspective, my goals, and my spirit. I learned a lot about life by this situation, i am extra patient with my kids, (i was very cool also before), and i teach them to be very observative by their inner feelings, keep their goals in eye, and stay calm on a hard situation, never decide while fear is so strong.
I can tell you the same advice.
When you manage to get peace, then you can have the good decision. It is realy hard, i know, i did not manage to get there. I made my decision based on fear of everything.
Pros and cons are not helping.
How you are standing with your motherhood in 5 to 10 years?
Do you have troubles with kids growing fast?
Don't you mind being at home or going to playground for 5 more years?
Do you have the feeling that you are not enough for your two kids?
Imagine yourself 5 years older, looking back...what do you feel about your situation?
Nobody ask me these questions.
Nobody said that don't think in a baby, think in one more child, soon this will be the reality.
Life is funny and hard. For a few years i could turn to my carrier, our home construction, and felt it is ok, we did not have time to split. A year ago my little body went to school, and since then I feel the same pain than a few monthes after the termination. So for us, in a short time it was painfull but at least reasonable, but in a long time it is painfull and depressive since i have a new kind of fear, witch is my kids are growing, and i wish i could go back and be braver. But again, at that point i could not be brave, fear was soo huge. I was afraid that i bring a huge risk to all my existing family.
And, to be honest, during a construction and with a huge stress of pregnamcy i could not imagine that i could beva good mom for thr next 1-2 years.
Now, i think kids could have survived, but i also see that my little one would be the middle one and it would affect his life and personality to a differrnt direction.
For me extra care for my kids is a must, and in the last five years i can see that our life would be so different, rush, and no precious time to discuss their daily problems, ecta.
On the other hand i think of what if...each and every day.
Could we do this, how this situ would work, hoe my big one would adore the little one, how they would sit together huging each other...
It is heart breaking.
Since the tough years are over, the little one is 5 years older, from this perspective i see it was a big mistace. I miss that little child, and wondering of it, i cry several times.
Looking back i had one thing knockkng in my minde during the decision making time constantly " can i live with it?''
I did not connented to that pregnancy, couldn',t feel it as my baby, becouse of the overwelming fear, but still i hade this question in my heart as a mom.
I think it is harder when you are a mom.
Today we still not have enough time for the two, we are in a rush, no enough time for enithing, evenings are like a constant running, and every evening i feel inside that our third would just grow like grass no time to sit and play now time to go to playground since the other after school activities, homeworks and soul careing.
But still, i miss this little one sooo much.
For me there is no second chsnce, since i stepped into premenppause, and trying activly for 4 years without success.
But many moms have success after 1-2years, when they are ready for it, and say it is such a good thing to feel absolutly sure about a pregnancy.
I dont know where you are at your decision making, and please take every aspect i wrote, what is good for me is not good for others.
I hope you can find some hanging in my rows to take in consideration. Some new perspective, but the most important to know that never decide when you are in shock, get help to be calm.
How to do that?
Picturize for a few minit thst you go ahead with the pregnancy.
Figure out a solution for every hardness.
When you are ready, you will feel, that this solution is good enough for your family and you or not. The answere will stay with you.
If you are still against and feel discomfort even you have solutions in your hand it is kind of answer.
If you feel breath and stsrt to connent to the changing positivly, that is also an answer.
Good luck♡♡♡