Torn about abortion

[whoisjoe]

I am 5 weeks pregnant and undecided. Timing is not good, currently half way through 1st year of degree. Have DD6 from previous marriage, and always wanted to have another but never felt we had the resources, financially, lack of family support and my MH is not great, bad experience with DD early years. I am on venlafaxine and I’m so anxious this medication will (or has) caused problems to the pregnancy. I also took codiene last week and I’m so scared. I’m also scared for my relationship and my mental health. I like things they way they are , but I’ve always felt a sadness about not having 2nd baby. My partner is very supportive, but I feel this is our last chance to have a baby due to his age and not wanting a big age gap with DD. But I am so scared that I will feel regret for the rest of my life. Doesn’t help that DD6 regularly says she’s sad without a sibling.
Anyone been on venlafaxine whilst early pregnant? Or throughout?
Anyone done a nursing degree whilst pregnant and caught up at a later date with a small child?

@Use5name I should also say that I've had unsolicited private messages from a couple of people through here urging me to keep the child and pointing me to threads where women are in anguish after having had an abortion.

But in real life I have two close friends who've had abortions in the last two years and they have been absolutely fine. It was the right thing for them at the time and they haven't looked back. They are also still happily with their partners.

@whattodo12349 I’m sorry you’ve received messages. Please don’t let them influence your thoughts. Most of us are here because we’re genuinely struggling with our decisions and want support / advice from people who can relate. Hope the scan goes ok and you’re able to make a decision you’re at peace with. I have to have a scan tomorrow which I’m dreading really as the only scans I’ve had are for my wanted babies so it’s going to feel a bit of a sting. If it was multiples I definitely wouldn’t cope either! I’ve taken my two out today alone and I don’t think I would manage with a baby thrown in the mix. I understand where you’re coming from with the whole guilt of terminating when other people can’t even conceive but we’re not only doing this for ourselves, we’re thinking and putting the needs of our living children first. X

@Use5name scan went fine. Only one in there (sadly?).

Def feeling like I don't want this today. I'm going to see how I feel tomorrow, have one last chat with my husband and then make my mind up once and for all (I hope).

I did some finances today and it will be a struggle over the next two years. I know things would ease up again before then getting more expensive again when teenage years hit but I'm so bloody tired and I just want to get on an enjoy life with the two I've got.

Is how I feel today anyway.

Best of luck tomorrow

@Use5name, Hi, just wanted to wish you well with your situation. I wanted to say that I can relate because I have also fallen pregnant in difficult straits, as a single mum with financial and other problems and felt pressured into abortion by my ‘boyfriend’ and my circumstances.

I did in fact send a pm to the op because I don’t necessarily like to spread my story all over the web, but look, I’ve got nothing to hide. I truly do care and I’m here to help or simply to share. You can take it or leave it, you can abuse me if you want... I still wish you (everyone on here) the best.

A bit about me: pregnant at 20, had left uni, living at home with no job, not sure I wanted a child then, or ever. My ‘boyfriend’ wanted me to have an abortion; it was essentially a choice between him and the baby. Despite it all, I couldn’t terminate. I think I can understand what you mean about ... you know, once you start to ‘feel’ pregnant, the reality of the baby sets in and it becomes very hard to think of it as just a quick procedure. I know that’s how I felt, like I’d be harming a little being who was depending on me. It sounds silly I guess, and you don’t have to feel that way, but that’s what did it for me.

I kept my son and raised him without the ‘father’ in the picture and things worked out well! There’s lots of love between us. I turned my life round and I think I gave us a good life. My boy is grown now and is successful and happy; we’ve got a great relationship and I’ve never regretted my decision. I didn’t think I could do it, but we mums can deal with anything that comes our way, we can.

I’ll share the link I sent in the pm; I know people who have been helped by it and even though it shows both the negative and positive sides of the emotional impact of abortion, because both do exist, it is a pro-choice page where everyone can share their honest feelings:

exhaleprovoice.org/post/category/community/

The people at Exhale refer to abortion as a ‘normal part of reproductive life’, are partly funded by reproductive health organizations, and are often recommended by abortion clinics and pro-choice groups.

Here’s another one over on Netmums (apologies for any offence to those who ae part of the mn-nm battle...)

www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/pregnancy-terminations-1161/unplanned-pregnancy-46/424693-regretting-abortion.html

Once again best of luck, whatever you choose.

@Use5name how did you get on today?

And @whoisjoe how's everything going? Are you feeling ok?