Partner does not want our baby

[whattodo333]

Hi everyone, have nc for this. Here is some background for context -
My partner and I both have 2 DC each from previous relationships, all primary school age. Partner is older (46). Recently found out I am pregnant, about 7 weeks. All very shocked as I was on the pill. Well I must be the most fertile person ever because it turned out to be paternal twins, but it looks like one no longer has a heartbeat. The problem I'm facing is my partner does not want this baby. At least that's how it comes across. Every time we discuss things he lays out all the reasons why it would be a horrible idea. Examples of this are - health reasons (I've just been told I have gestational diabetes again, and I have a history of haemorrhaging during/after childbirth etc), his age (he doesn't want to be well into his sixties when the child potentially leaves home), money (he earns a decent wage but mine is minimal due to only being part time, plus rent snd cost of living is only going up and up), space in the house, how it would affect the DC, doesn't want to bring a child into a Covid world, basically any reason you can think of he has thrown at me. I've tried reassuring him that we would cope money-wise (who can afford kids really? We just manage don't we?), health-wise obviously I have zero control of this, but I'm already high risk for Covid due to having diabetes in the past, so that seems like a moot argument to me. But everything I suggest he just bats straight back at me and it's like having a conversation with a brick wall. When I've asked him outright 'do you want to terminate then?' he can't give me an answer. He just says 'I don't know, I don't know what to do', what can I even say to that? Sorry this is a bit of a ramble but I'm just so confused with what to do. I'm not expecting anyone to give me the answer of course, I just wondered if anyone else had been through this and how it turned out for you? Any help would be appreciated

If there are health risks for you then you are risking leaving them without their mum with no full time father either.

I disagree with this.
EVERY woman has a risk of a life-threatening PPH for example. It’s a higher risk for some than it is for others, but it’s always a risk.
If everyone follow this advice no-one would ever have more than one child.

He doesn't want a baby so it's up to you to decide whether or not you want to become a single mum.

I'm sorry but I'd go ballistic if I found out I was pregnant at 46 and had diabetes. 5 children is too many you won't have any time for your relationship or other children. Why would you mess up what you have for another child? Obviously its your decision but I wouldn't do this.

Are you wanting "our" baby, given you and your DP don't have a joint child? And taking it as a rejection of that "symbol" of mutual love with him saying what he is?

No way would I have a baby in your circs. You will inevitably have far less time for your existing children who may have all kinds of responses to a new "mutual" baby.

You're supposed to love and respect your DP, he's supposed to be your partner in life and to want the best for each other.

This is significantly going to change your life and his. And he is going to be significantly worse off becoming responsible for 5 children his own two, your two and the new baby. I can understand why he isn't at all keen on the idea. Given your minimal earnings and his age.

I think it’s shitty of him to have refused a vasectomy when he was so against having another child, because as you’ve seen the pill is not 100% effective and he is now making it obvious without saying it that he wants you to terminate.

So essentially all the responsibility for contraception falls on you and you have to deal with any contraception failures as well. Is he this selfish in other areas of your relationship?

If you decide to terminate it should be under the agreement that he has a vasectomy so this never happens again imo.

OP, I think you need to make this decision on your own, because your partner hasn't got the guts to come out and say that he wants you to have an abortion.

He wants you to take the decision so he won't have to.

As to what you do, you don't say how old you are (I'm assuming 30s) so I think you need to discuss it with your GP or another health professional that you trust.

I hope you reach a decision you are comfortable with.