My boyfriend wants me to have an abortion

[babybadger25]

Hi, sorry, I know this can be a triggering subject for some people but I’m struggling a bit and don’t have anyone to talk to.
For context, I’m 25 and my boyfriend is 29. We’re both self employed and in the process of getting our businesses to the stage of providing a full time wage, in the meantime we are staying with family while we save up to buy a house, we have a deposit saved and need to make sure we are in a stable position before buying.
This pregnancy was unplanned and we found out when I was 7 weeks. For the first week we were both in the mindset that we would go through with it and make it work but after we’d known for a week the pressure started to get too much for my boyfriend and he said he wanted me to have an abortion, I said I was unsure and that the thought had crossed my mind but I thought that was normal. He was getting more stressed and said that he didn’t want to go through with the pregnancy at all and that it would be selfish of me to go through with it and that it would be trapping him and forcing him into something he didn’t want. He didn’t seem to be getting how difficult a decision this was for me. He was getting really angry with me for not being able to make a decision and kept on telling me how naive I was for thinking that we would be able to have a baby at this point in our lives. I took some time away to think about it and I still can’t decide what to do. Since I have come back, my boyfriend is still sure that he doesn’t want to go through with the pregnancy but he has now said he will support me whatever I decide to do. I just feel that since I know he doesn’t want to go through with it, I just won’t be able to get that out of my head and will feel that he resents me for keeping it and since I’m not even 100% sure that I want to keep it then I should just have an abortion.
I am 12 weeks today and have an abortion booked for when I’m 14 weeks, I still don’t know whether I want to go through with it or not but I am starting to feel more pregnant which is just making my decision more difficult.

@Sidehustle99 I’ve tried to speak to my gp but I’ve just been told that unfortunately waiting lists are too long and I’d be unlikely to be able to speak to someone before the appointment.
I have also questioned whether a lot of his behaviours are emotionally abusive. Most of the time he is a lovely person but when he is stressed he can’t seem to cope and I’m the one who is always on the receiving end. I always end up coming to the conclusion that I am too much of a pushover and it’s because I can’t stand up for myself. Perhaps I’m wrong.. I do feel like I’m walking on eggshells a lot of the time though and I always blame myself for that, maybe I shouldn’t!

It is a very very hard decision to make and your partner, although behaved badly initially has at least be honest and upfront with you about his feelings.

Potentially You’ll be a single parent. With a good support network and a dad that’s supportive but not romantically involved.

That’s the possibility. But none of that matters as I mater what, you’ll cope. Either way. You will manage.

It’s your body. Your choice.

You have to make the decision for yourself. It’s very very hard. But whatever you decide will be right because you did it.

Sending you lots of courage.

Your body. Your choice.

Whoah!!!

Red flag!

Don’t stay with someone you’re on egg shells with.

You’re so young, a whole life ahead of you.

so.. right now you have to dig deep and stand up for yourself. if he is pressurising you, can you find a way to take some space and time for yourself.. a few days away, a walk on a beach or the country, something where you can really just take some time and consider what it is you want.
What's important now is to know if you want a baby, to know if you want a baby right now, with this man - he is going to be part of the deal too, whether you stay together or not, he is the father.
i hope you find the time, and the strength, to do what only you can decide. Help yourself by creating the conditions that will allow you to make the decision.
Good luck. Whatever you decide will be fine, and right.

So sorry you are going through this.

If you can, I think you have to focus on thinking about whether you want to do this without him - I'd assume he won't want to stick around FT. He sounds a bit of a dick TBH so I would't make any assumptions that he'll be of any use, even if he maintains some contact.

As for having a baby on your own at 25 - if you really want to, then do. But you are very young, and it may really bugger things up for your future life in terms of financial stability, career, and whatever else you planned to do (it doesn't always but it often does). Could you ring the GP to find out about some emergency counselling so you can talk it through?

I'd think very carefully about being tied to this man. If you are questioning whether he is abusive, is this really the father you want for your children? He will treat his children how he treats you. Is that what you want?

You're young enough that you can meet someone else who wants to be a good father.

You don’t sound like you want a termination from the way you sound. So don’t do it. You have a LONG time to get your head around being pregnant and having a baby. Even if it worries you now, your mindset will shift, the longer you sit with the idea, and watch your bump grow. (Speaking from my personal experience).

If you actually DO definitely want a termination, then go ahead knowing it’s the right decision for you. Do not be pushed into anything by a man who is unlikely to go the distance

@Bunce1 you’re right, it is a huge red flag, I always feel like it’s my issue though and I need to stand up for myself more; I’m probably wrong.
@Toohardtofindaproperusername I did take a week away and went to stay with my dad a couple of weeks ago but I still can’t seem to come to any conclusion, I’m driving myself insane and just can’t focus on anything else 🤯 the part I’m just not sure about is whether I do want to be tied to him for the rest of my life as I know he’d 100% be a part of his child’s life.
@Luredbyapomegranate @sybillalle @Derbee thank you for your replies! I agree with why you are all saying, I’m just still so conflicted, I seem to change my mind 5 times within the space of an hour. I don’t know if I’ll know how I truly feel until the day of the abortion, nothing seems quite real at the moment!
Thank you all for your support, we haven’t told anyone else so I don’t have anyone to turn to 😔

You e been together seven years. Have the baby.