I cancelled my abortion today..

[lostandconfused88]

I was booked in for a surgical abortion at 9.50am this morning, and I cancelled it. I'm 11 weeks. I was so torn on my decision and I don't know what possessed me, but I decided to have a scan on Saturday and I saw a perfectly formed little one, looking like it was waving.
The clinic said if I change my mind it's not a problem and I can book back in.
I've struggled with debilitating nausea and it's just made my mental health go to shit. Ive spend most days since late January laid in bed, and I have a 4 year old.
I've made the decision, but I'm still unsure on it. I'm with the babies dad but our relationship isn't great and he hasn't been very supportive.
I don't know if I should still have the abortion.
I'm terrified, to say it's a second baby I've never felt so scared in my entire life.

we recently terminated, and i waivered in the appt. the dr missed all sorts of signs that should have been red flags. if you're not 100% sure, trust me, the trauma and regret you'll feel after is so hard to get through with. i've had to deal with it daily. i have 2 kids already, and being there for them is so hard when there's a third that will never get to meet their siblings or know the love i have for my children, that one included. i was stuck on all the logic, but at the end of the day, logic is one thing, emotions are another. emotions come and go, yes, but logic can be overcome. you walked out, now own it. you're through the 1st trimester, hormones will calm down. hormones can do crazy things to us, and with covid, cut yourself some slack. good luck on what you're going to ultimately do, but know that there are consequences either way. and it's a decision that will impact you either way you go. speak to a counselor, one that specializes in this, and deals with post termination patients. if they only talk to those before, they may miss a big part of the picture that comes from life crushing regret. good luck, sending you hugs.