Pregnancy post-abortion

[AnnaliseH]

Hi Ladies,

Not sure this is going to go down well as abortion is a sensitive subject and opinions differ. But would appreciate your support.

Six weeks ago I had a medical abortion because of an unplanned pregnancy, which took me completely by surprise. I panicked. Already have two kids, am working full time and studying. I felt really unwell with the pregnancy. Depression descended. I made a decision to terminate at eight weeks gestation, which I now seriously regret. It was a very hard decision to make, I didn’t know it was going to affect me the way it has...

My husband is keen on a third baby so we are just seeing what happens. Not using protection. Am not tracking ovulation this time or getting preoccupied with monitoring symptoms. Quietly hoping I may become pregnant again soon.

Would be really nice to hear if anybody’s been in a similar situation. Feels quite lonely. Thanks so much!

I had a termination in October 2017 and had my little girl in September 2018. You can do the maths.
I don’t regret having her one bit. I don’t regret my decision to have her so soon after the termination. She’s the light of my life along with her siblings. People on here at the time actually did try to convince me it was a bad idea, but I didn’t listen. I’m glad I didn’t.

I actually think it’s very patronising when people say “but what has changed?”. They know full well nothing has changed so why ask?
But the woman’s line of thought has changed because the horrible thing with terminations is that you don’t know how you’re going to feel afterwards, and you only realise after it’s too late.

Sorry but I can't see the logic in planning another pregnancy immediately after you have terminated the last one.

Sometimes a termination ends up being the wrong decision for the woman and they grieve in the similar way a woman would having a miscarriage. Yes that’s probably taboo to put it like that, but I’m not going minimise and deny those women those feelings. They are real and they exist and they feel them.
Feelings before and after the termination can be complete polar opposites.
Far too many people see terminations as something very simple and black and white because it’s a choice, and don’t even try to understand why a woman would want a baby afterwards.

“taboo”, not taboo.

@funinthesun19 Thank you for your story. There are so many women out there like us. I’m wanting to have another soon... planning to wait a few months until I feel a little better emotionally. I know I will never regret it if I have another, but I forever regret my abortion! And I completely 100% agree that you realize what is important only after the abortion... I had no idea it would affect me so much! I am hoping to start trying again in April! I’m so glad you have your wonderful daughter!!!

@SaraJune36 My counsellor would make me ‘sit in the grey’. He said that the decision wasn’t just black and white, and that it wasn’t as simple as right/wrong. He kept reinforcing that I’d tried my best at the time and reminded me of how much I wrestled with the decision. It isn’t as simple as ‘I’m a bad person for making that decision’ but more - I did the best I could at the time and believed it was the right decision then.
We also worked through/are working through some trauma stuff (I couldn’t sit on one side of the sofa for 5 months as it brought back the moment of sitting with the pill in my hand and then taking it). Plus some cbt stuff around staying in the present and allocating a set time each day to feel the regret and reducing that over time.
I wish I’d been offered counselling at the time of calling the clinic, I’ve felt quite a lot of anger towards them. I know it was my decision, but feel they had a responsibility to check it was the right one for me before posting it out.

@funinthesun19 Your post is so refreshing. I wish I had your strength of mind!!

@Eastbourne83 Thank you so much for providing your counselors’ feedback. I love the idea of setting a timer each day and decreasing the time as days go by! That is a great tip I had never heard. I also have to say I feel a lot of anger toward the clinic I went to. I was in and out in less than 30 minutes and they didn’t even ask me if I was sure. I thought there would be more serious conversations but of course there was none of that. I know of course it is my responsibility but I do think if it had been a bit more restrictive, and a bit of counseling or a few questions beforehand, I would have maybe had a different outcome. I was just so scared and panicked at the time... kinda like you said... a switch had flipped in me. I wish you best of luck in TTC. I hope to be right there with you soon!!

@SaraJune36 @funinthesun19 how are you getting on? Have you gone on to get pregnant?

I am in a very similar situation except both age and fertility are against me sad I felt so certain at the time…… now can’t believe how stupid I was.

I will forever regret not trying again now that my mind is thinking so much more logically. Just hope the universe is on my side.

Hope it worked out for you both too? x

@AnnaliseH @SaraJune36 how are you doing? Did you move forward with your decisions? I am battling the same thing - six months on and aged 40 now. I have two children that I was desperately trying to protect and prioritise but now feel I am failing by being so sad and distracted. I would love to know how you are and whether you felt peace with the decision or whether a pregnancy brought any healing at all for the void. Thank you. ❤️

Is anyone from early in this thread still around? @Xdorx @AnnaliseH @SaraJune36 ?

I had an abortion June this year. Mainly due to housing and financial issues and another couple of secondary issues. They have all now resolved, and we are now at the place in life where we had planned to start TTC. I really want to but I’m terrified, I still feel guilty for the one I terminated even though I know we made the best decision we could at the time. I’m 36 so time is not on my side. I am worried it is too soon but I have no idea when I will feel it is NOT too soon, given my age as well. Wondering how it’s worked out for everyone else on this thread.x

How did it go? Did you end up having a baby

Hijacking this post after a while. Anyone gonna to conceive? How has it been?

I posted before on this thread, since TTC I've had 2 DS (and a 14.5 month age gap!), still regret my decision but the reasons were still valid and that baby wouldn't have had the life I can now offer my boys. Hope everyone is okay x

Thanks for replying. Did you plan 2 more and to have them so close together or was that a surprise? How did you feel when you fell pregnant both those times? Did any of the old panic feelings come back? Do you have older children?

You're right.- regretting a decision doesn't mean it was wrong. X

So these are my only two, we won't be having a third! We tried for the first, our second was an "it'll be fine" moment..
At no point was a termination on the cards with my second despite the panic returning. But we could afford our second and that was the difference than my first pregnancy

Hello, I was just wondering if anyone went on to conceive after trying ?

Hi, my first after my abortion took 5 months, my second was one night of it'll be fine x

Me! She's 3 now 😀

I posted on this thread at the end of 2022. We went on to TTC last summer, fell pregnant in the second month of trying and I gave birth this spring. Baby is now nearly 3 months old 🙂
I was mainly fine emotionally during pregnancy but I did have some wobbles which came along with the 3-5 day hormones crash after birth where my guilt re-surfaced. I now also look at baby and it makes me wonder if the one I didn’t keep was a boy or a girl and if it would have looked like our baby now. They are fleeting thoughts though.

Thanks for your reply, I feel so sad and lost. I don't understand why I did it. All I keep thinking is about the baby. Did you start trying straight away ? X

How old was you please ?

I tried about 2 years after, I was 24 when I had mu first baby (22 when I had the abortion)

Thankyou for your reply. I just hope I get another chance.

@Feelinglost2024 I was 35 when I had my termination. We started TTC 12 months later.