Married and pregnant with ex husbands child!

[Needapwnow]

Hi I'm new to the forum. I'm married and have 1child with my husband! But a few weeks ago I stupidly met up with my ex husband ....and you guessed it we ended up in bed! I feel so stupid and guilty! My ex was abusive when we were together. I have no idea why I did what I did. But, I'm now pregnant.

My husband will leave me if he finds out and my ex will have nothing to do with my child!

I'm so scared! I feel I have ruined my family and marriage...can anyone advise me how to make this better?

Why would you tell him!!!

If you are going to terminate I wouldn’t tell him. Just learn from it and stay away from your ex husband

Hello @Needapwnow, we're just moving your thread over to Pregnancy Choices. Best wishes.

I'm finding it very difficult to live with myself. I struggle to look at my husband without wanting to shout " do you know what I did!?"

I am utterly appalled by me! I think he deserves this truth. I understand that I could hide this and play happy families....I dont thi m I'm capable of it!

I cannot seriously believe that people are advising OP to NOT tell her husband that she had been unfaithful and is planning a termination. How is that fair on him and would you really all want to not be told that your husband had had sex with someone else and be given a choice about whether you wished to stay in the relationship. OP had suggested she be honest with husband and to me, this is the only way. They can then together decide on way forward. All strength to you OP.

You would be telling him the truth to make you feel better, that's still selfish

Oh OP i feel for you, but also for your husband. Either way DONT tell your ex he will probably be happy hes destroyed your life once again. Tell your husband if you really want to and go from there. If he can live with it and accept the baby as his own then by all means keep it. But if you split up i would terminate dont let your ex be linked to you

I think you should tell your husband the situation and jointly discuss what to do about the pregnancy. Accept that in the worst case he will want a divorce. However you never know there might be a way you can work through this. I think it is always best to be honest.

I agree with @grenadines
But I’ll add you need to be honest your ex sounds like he isn’t a nice man so if weeks/months down the line it comes out it’ll do your husband even more damage.

Hi all. Again your advice has unfogged my mind. Well it's done. I told my husband and as expected he has almost disowned me in the last hour. He has remained calm for our child sake..

I didnt tell him I'm pregnant
....that would see me out the door!

The atmosphere is thick with resentment. And no apology will cut it!

My bed is made and I can only look after myself and child. It is immaterial now if I terminate as my marriage is without doubt over. No doubt I shall be on he receiving end of a shouting match later. I wish he would say something as I know I've hurt him terribly.

My last post here. Thank you!

I'd say two options
Terminate and never do this again
Or
Keep baby/not keep depending on your desire and tell husband, meaning marriage over.

If it were me I'd do option 1 but also wouldnt have cheated to get there. Block contact from your ex and hope to god he doesnt say anything

Oops I've just typed this out before your last post

Whilst I am sorry you’re in this situation and you obviously have some difficult choices ahead of you. I hope your DH leaves you, you’re obviously not a great wife if you were so easily swayed by a toxic ex.

If your ex is as awful as you say, how do you think it would be co-parenting. I can see many hardships ahead.

Needagown: My bed is made and I can only look after myself and child. It is immaterial now if I terminate as my marriage is without doubt over.
....
It is not immaterial at all, it's extremely important to consider your pregnancy - do you want a child from your ex-husband, born in the debris of your marriage?

Why on earth did you confess? What your husband didn't know wouldn't have hurt him. You've unburdened yourself but he's not a flipping counsellor, he is hurt.

@LetMeOut2021

Whilst I am sorry you’re in this situation and you obviously have some difficult choices ahead of you. I hope your DH leaves you, you’re obviously not a great wife if you were so easily swayed by a toxic ex.

If your ex is as awful as you say, how do you think it would be co-parenting. I can see many hardships ahead.

Not a great wife.

What a horrible comment.

The OP's EX was abusive & she sounds 'troubled'.

I hope she's ok. I'm not convinced her DH is that lovely either as she's now waiting for the shouting match later & often
Women go from one abusive man, to a man who abuses in a more subtle way

I’d be shouting too if my DH shagged his ex, I’d expect some shouting aswell if I shagged mine.

I think that’s a perfectly natural response.

I don’t believe anyone deserves to be cheated on. If the relationship is that bad, shagging your ex husband isn’t going to help. I’m confident shagging an ex (or anyone else for that matter) has never enhanced anyone’s marriage.

Please dont argue over this! My bad decisions got me here!

My husband is a decent guy! Was! I would leave if I was not restricted by a bloody virus!!

I have no wish to cause division on here....so all vitriol to me....not each other!

I wish you well @Needapwnow, I hope you are OK. You telling your husband that you were unfaithful smacks of you trying to punish yourself to me, as you didn't have to tell him that.

I'm sorry things are so bad and I completely understand the decision to terminate; I would do the same. Please tell me you will accept the counselling they offer you though, as it sounds like a very hard situation. Make sure you think things through properly and talk things over with a counsellor though before blurting anything else out to your husband. If you want to be honest with him fine; but make sure you definitely want to first! Sealing your lips permanently is also ok.

Sorry to hear of your predicament. Hope you're ok.

In the hands of your husband now, but probably better that than trying to cope with the guilt you feel. Been there, fortunately we worked it out.

Wtaf? People advising not to tell her DH she's carrying someone else's child? Yeah she should have just let him raise someone else's child unawares - what a world we live in!!

Op you did the right thing telling him about the ex, but he will find out about the baby obviously if you decide to keep it, leaving it to be revealed later down the line won't make it any easier

@Needapwnow

Please dont argue over this! My bad decisions got me here!

My husband is a decent guy! Was! I would leave if I was not restricted by a bloody virus!!

I have no wish to cause division on here....so all vitriol to me....not each other!

You are basically a decent person, you just made a mistake. We're all human.

Also agree we should not row amongst ourselves (though I've only just read the last few posts and haven't really seen that). At the end of the day, it's up to you what you do but I feel desperately sorry for you and your husband. You're not the first and won't be the last!

This doesn't have to ruin any of your lives forever - you can recover and I wish you every success.

@LizFlowers you've tagged someone else - that's not the OP FYI

[quote VenusTiger]@LizFlowers you've tagged someone else - that's not the OP FYI[/quote]
So sorry, Venus .

Needapnow
My previous post was intended for you.