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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

Surgical abortion

93 replies

blackkat97 · 15/01/2021 19:19

Hi I was wondering who has had a surgical termination?

How long was the recovery process?
How long after did you wait to have sex?
Have you had trouble conceiving since?
Did it have a bad effect on hr mental health?? Thank you

OP posts:

Anony79 · 16/01/2021 16:12

Hi I recently had a surgical under conscious sedation at 12 weeks. I was just past the point of being allowed a medical but to be honest after reading some medical stories I wouldn't ever have wanted that option anyway.

My appointment was at 9.30. I was back in the car on the way home at 10.30. No cramping, tiny bit of bleeding that day but hardly anything. I just felt tired for the 2 days after but think a lot of that was from the emotion of it all. Im over a week post treatment now and still hardly had any bleeding at all. Just cramps now and again but only mild.

I still haven't had sex again as was told to wait 2 weeks. I am a bit worried about how that will mentally feel but not gonna rush it.

Its early days but I wouldn't say it has affected my mental health. I had conscious sedation so remember nothing about it which I think is a good thing. I was sad and did shed a lot of tears afterwards even though it was absolutely the right thing and no regret, I think you just have to go through the grieving process.

Happy to answer any questions you might have X

Rtmhwales · 16/01/2021 16:18

I had a surgical after a miscarriage so same procedure obviously. I was quite groggy after and they said I'd need to be home for 24 hours. I was put fully under though so that was why. A little pain but more like a pinch for a few days. The bleeding took twelve days to stop but wasn't unpleasant.

Rtmhwales · 16/01/2021 16:20

Sorry I didn't see the last two questions. You can have sex when you stop bleeding. My doctor said no reason to not start trying again but either I didn't ovulate after like some do or we missed it. Just gotten my period now so will start trying again.

Original poster

blackkat97 · 16/01/2021 21:06

@Rtmhwales
Thank you for your reply.
Due to family knowing I'm pregnant and us knowing the gender etc I'm just scared on how tot el them as I think everyone will 100% judge me specially with me being so far along x

OP posts:

Rtmhwales · 16/01/2021 21:08

@blackkat97 is it worth perhaps telling them it was a miscarriage/issues with it being a viable pregnancy if you feel like you will be judged?

zenasfuck · 16/01/2021 21:11

How far along are you ? Why are you having an abortion ?

skidadle · 16/01/2021 21:25

Are you sure this is something YOU want to do

Original poster

blackkat97 · 16/01/2021 21:38

@zenasfuck
I'm 15+4 will be 16 when I have it as it's booked for Friday.

OP posts:

Original poster

blackkat97 · 16/01/2021 21:40

@zenasfuck @skidadle
I just don't think I'm ready I have the support I need but it's just not an ideal situation I don't even know who the dad is and neither of them want to know even if it is theirs.

I'm scared I'll never find anyone because I'll be a single mum and if I do and I have a child with them then my first would feel some sort of way if that makes sense

OP posts:

EpicDay · 16/01/2021 21:44

Just a hand hold from me to you. Look after yourself.

MartiniDry · 16/01/2021 21:54

I'm here to echo EpicDay's words in offering a virtual hand hold.

Be sure that this is what you want, and take care of yourself.

Original poster

blackkat97 · 16/01/2021 21:54

@MartiniDry @EpicDay
Thank you so much

I'm like 80% sure x

OP posts:

EpicDay · 16/01/2021 22:05

I had a surgical abortion at 13 weeks. I was lucky in that I was totally sure that it was what I wanted - So I had sadness but no regrets. I think everyone is different with how they deal with it but it would be good if you could possibly find someone to talk it though a bit more? It definitely helped me a lot that I never once doubted I’d done the right thing even though I was sad.

Amiable · 16/01/2021 22:14

I had one 20 years ago. I'd been in a short relationship with a friend, I only found out about 8 weeks after we'd ended it - we decided we were better as friends, and he was seeing someone else by then (who he is still with!) I never told him.

The procedure itself was very straightforward. I was only in hospital for a few hours. The thing I really remember is having a sneezing fit as I was coming round from the anaesthesia (which is apparently really common) and feeling quite nauseous, again from the anaesthetic. I was given an anti-emetic and that helped.I felt very weak and wobbly, but was given pain killers for the first 48 hours, so just felt spaced out and very tired more than anything. after that I ached a bit, but nothing awful.

I know that I did the right thing, at that time I did not want to be a mum, way too selfish and irresponsible.

I did have another unplanned pregnancy around 5 years later, I'd only been with my then BF (later DH) for about 10 months, but I knew at that point I wanted to keep the baby, my wonderful DD! I do think it was because of the termination that I was so sure - I was in my mid 30s by then and figured if nature was so determined I should have a baby despite my best efforts, then maybe it was meant to be!

I certainly don't regret it, although I do think about them around the would-be birthday and wonder what they would have been like.

I knew it was what I wanted to do, but if you are not sure I really recommend speaking to the GP, or the clinic you are booked in to. They eon't tell you what to do, but the can help you to sort out your own thoughts. Sending you love and strength

Anony79 · 16/01/2021 22:33

I just reread my post and it should have said "hasn't affected my mental health" not has...

I'm so sorry youre having to go through this. I think PP is right see if you can talk things through as much as possible before Friday to see if you can get that 80 percent to a bit more certain or not. X

shhsecretsquirrel · 16/01/2021 22:53

Oh love. I think you need to be more than 80% sure.

I had a surgical abortion when I was 17. I had gone off with a man more than twice my age. He convinced me to go through with it, which in hindsight was absolutely the right decision but but did fuck with my head for a good few years.

Physically I was fine, up and around the same day I think, mentally as I say, touch and go, I definitely should have spoken with a professional. Longer term, I've been pregnant three times since, two ectopic and one successful pregnancy resulting in my pride and joy beautiful baby boy.

Please don't feel guilty if you think it is the best decision for you, but please do make sure in your mind that you do think it is best for you. It will take some coming to terms with x x

minipie · 16/01/2021 23:28

@blackkat97

Hi I was wondering who has had a surgical termination?

How long was the recovery process?
How long after did you wait to have sex?
Have you had trouble conceiving since?
Did it have a bad effect on hr mental health?? Thank you

Recovery took one day (same day as op)

Don’t remember about sex - probably a day or two

Yes I had trouble conceiving but it was due to thyroid issues

No bad effect on mental health, it was a huge relief and I’ve never regretted it for a moment

skidadle · 17/01/2021 09:14

@blackkat97 I'm so sorry to hear that. I had one about 8 years ago was a medical not a surgical. At the time I didn't want to do it at all but the father didn't want the baby. It really messed with my head for a good few years, I know now it was the right choice but at the time it didn't feel like it.
Please make sure your 100% sure before you do anything.
Sending hugs

Original poster

blackkat97 · 19/01/2021 04:17

Just found out that baby is a boy 😢

OP posts:

ChickaboomZoom · 19/01/2021 12:32

@blackkat97

How do you feel now knowing the gender? Has it made you want to think more about your decision? I’m sorry this is difficult for you

Original poster

blackkat97 · 20/01/2021 00:45

@ChickaboomZoom
I really don't know what to do my head is all over I can't stop crying

OP posts:

Smileandtheworldsmileswithyou · 20/01/2021 00:53

Would it be possible for you to arrange to speak to a trained therapist or psychologist before you make this decision if you are not 100% sure? Of course I understand that you don't have lots of time but it doesn't sound like you have lots of support and are feeling unsure. If that's not possible then could you try to talk to a trusted family member or good friend to get some advice?

Smileandtheworldsmileswithyou · 20/01/2021 00:54

You don't want to regret any decision that you make.

ChickaboomZoom · 20/01/2021 01:12

@blackkat97

I agree with pp to try to speak to a counsellor before you make a final decision. I was able to find one online who gave me a free 30 minute session when I was deciding whether to terminate at 5 weeks last November. After speaking to her it helped me realise I was more confident in my decision than I had thought. I do think you really need to be 100% certain of what you’d like to do otherwise you might have regrets. Do you have anyone at all in real life that you can lean on?

glassshoes · 20/01/2021 01:19

I agree you need to be certain and it sounds like you are not. There is nothing wrong with postponing for Friday and giving the decision more time.

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