Abortion trauma

[banksy3245]

I had an abortion on the 22nd January, I really wanted to keep the baby but the circumstances I was in, wouldn't let me.

It took me a very long time to come to a decision to have an abortion, for me the pros outweighed the cons more. However, I had to take into consideration my partners circumstances. We had only been dating for 2 months at the time when I fell pregnant, he comes from a family where finances are difficult at the moment. We both are at uni (I'm graduating in July) and he's starting back uni in September. We weren't in the right position to bring up a child. Although I can type this now, it's not how I'm feeling internally!

My abortion experience was very traumatic, I had to travel all the way to BPAS in Doncaster to get a late medical abortion (never had surgery so was too scared to have the surgical abortion). After my consultation (which was elsewhere) when I went to Doncaster, I was told I'd have to give birth to my baby. I was given 24 hours to come to terms with this! They didn't inform me that I'd have to give birth to him, I had to take 1 pill on the first day & the following day I had to go into the clinic again and stay overnight in which I endured the most painful experience of my life. I got there for 5pm and didn't give birth into 1:22am (tablets were inserted through my vagina). The pain was unbearable, they had to put a shot in my leg (which made me feel very sleepy).

I heard my baby drop in the bucket.

After this procedure I had milk coming out my breasts, I bled for 19 days in total (non-stop) and I couldn't poo for those 19 days (it was too painful)

It was such a traumatic experience for me, I decided to go for counselling & then I got referred to a therapist. Because of the Coronavirus the sessions have been cancelled now.

Has anyone gone through something similar? How do you get over the loss of your baby? Because I never think I will, I regret it so much!

I don’t think it’s appropriate to have put this on here, this is for people who have had miscarriages, maybe you should ask for it to be moved to pregnancy choices. I’m sure people who have had miscarriages don’t want to be reading this.

I hope you get the answers you are looking for but doubt you will find them here

Hi banksy3245,

We hope you don't mind but we're going to move your thread over to our Pregnancy Choices topic as we feel that's a better place for it.

We're so sorry you've been through such a traumatic time.

@Char2020 I find your comment very rude and offensive. Wasn't necessary to comment such a thing under my post.

The previous comment wasn’t rude or offensive at all, however I’m sure people who have suffered miscarriages would find your detailed post on your abortion offensive!

Have a bit of common sense eh?!

Maybe try a bit of empathy @Char2020 ?

I'm so sorry OP, that sounds really awful. Can you access any online counselling? There might be some online provision to help you at the moment. I've seen some adverts for stuff on Facebook, although I don't know how good it is. You've had a traumatic experience and it will take time to come to terms with it so allow yourself to grieve. It doesn't mean you made the wrong decision; it means you made a really difficult decision.

@bloodyhellsbellsx Then perhaps they shouldn't read a thread entitled 'abortion trauma'? It's obvious OP just posted in the wrong place and the thread has now been moved, so maybe focus on either writing something useful or not posting if you don't have anything helpful to say.

Wow lollipop, has posting that made you feel better about yourself? What a judgemental and useless post.

Really hope you're ok. That sounds really, really traumatic. Can you ring your gp or the service you used before about online counselling?

@bloodyhellsbellsx The topic is Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss so I can imagine if you were new to the site and wanting to post about your experience with abortion, it could seem like the place to do so. And when people have suffered a traumatic experience, sometimes they, you know, like to talk about it. And there are much nicer ways to suggest the thread is moved, including just reporting it to MNHQ.

Can I suggest that those who are disgusted by abortion or who don't agree with it just fuck off from this thread and leave it to people who believe in a woman's right to choose and who also believe in supporting other women?

Wow people really are cunts here. Nasty.

Im so sorry your experiencing this op. Do you any real life support or are able to afford a private therapist online? I hsve heard of some therapists doing skype sessions which might really benefit you. Please dont be afraid to reach out because of some assholes here. Talking about it is the best thing you can do.

Remember abortion regret happens to many women it doesnt mean you were wrong. You had a very tough choice to make x

Really sorry you have been left feeling this OP. It definitely sounds like counselling is what you need to help you come to terms with the procedure. I’m not sure whether you could access this by phone? Even if it was just an interim arrangement until the face to face sessions can be reinstated.

I have reported Lollipops post. You have done absolutely nothing wrong by having a termination.

So sorry you’ve been through this, it sounds awful
I agree, ring your GP.. a lot of them are doing phone appointments.. and ask for a referral. I hope you have people around you looking after you, take care x

You people are really nasty, it is very obvious that I posted it accidentally in the wrong place. I deleted this app previously because it's people giving their unwanted opinion all the time.

Absolutely disgusting that people can come under this thread and be so horrible. I didn't mean to offend anyone who has had a miscarriage, obviously I am aware they're two completely different things. But to dismiss what I've been through it's abominable.

Please if you haven't got anything nice to say don't say it!

Thank you for those who did show some empathy!

Also an abortion is also a pregnancy loss and you are entitled to feel upset.

"TRIGGER WARNING
I didnt have an abortion but a miscarriage of an accidental pregnancy at 11.5 weeks in november it was severe and i hemmoridged bleeding for 29 days after 2 days in hospital. My baby went down the toilet with the rest of my womb lining. It was incredibly traumatic and the water was cut off as well that day so we had neighbours knocking the ambulance took an hour to arrive as i hemmoridged 4 pints in 40 minutes and the whole of the area were in their cars getting the free water the utility company was handing out!, thus blocking the roads to the hospital. Currently today i suspect im having a chemical and i realise it took me 6 months to fully get past what happened to me in november. It took time and a lot of talking to someone (my mother) every day to wrap my head around it.

As i say you can get through these feelings but it takes a lot of time. Abortions are legal and acceptable for women to access for a reason.

I also reported Lollipop. Horrible comment.

Banksy it’s such a difficult time. Definitely arrange some counselling, it really will help. And time does heal.

It's disgusting that some people believe, individuals who have an abortion cannot feel loss or pain? We're humans as well you know.

I feel pain just like someone who miscarried their child feels pain. Not the same but I still feel that emotional attachment.

@SeriouslySoDoneIn I've reported your comment, I don't owe you an explanation so get off this thread!

OP, sorry to hear about your traumatic experience. Can you call the clinic and access their aftercare counselling service again?

Sorry for what you have been through. It sounds really difficult.

Perhaps, although the procedure was hard you should try and focus on the reasons being right for you. 2 month relationship and just out of uni would have been extremely hard. I can understand why you and partner came to this decision.

Counselling is a good idea, perhaps online/phone is a better option than waiting. Check in with GP to see if that is possible.

I think lockdown will give you more time with your thoughts and that probably isnt helpful right now.

@Geepipe I'm so sorry to hear that! I really hope you're doing okay. How are you coping now? And I hope you don't mind me asking, did you seek counselling/therapy for the MC?