So I've been through a rough time with my partner. I have a child to my ex. He fled during the pregnancy and I became a single mum. I fell pregnant on the pill at that time.
After having my baby I was a single mum and did not restart any contraception as I wasn't sexually active. I had a one night stand using a condom with a very good friend of mine, the condom failed and I fell pregnant a couple of months after giving birth. Irresponsible I know. I spoke to him at the time and we discussed whether to get the morning after pill. He was against it as he said if I did fall pregnant from that one off occasion the we would raise a baby together as a couple. Anyway, I fell pregnant. I wanted to keep the baby but he pressured me in to an abortion saying it was too soon in our relationship. I was upset and felt responsible and felt I could have changed this if I'd have got the morning after pill but he told me not to beat myself up and said he'd had a change of heart due to him losing his job and circumstances changing. And we weren't to know at the time.
We continued our relationship from then and he found a new job. The relationship has gone well since then and he came to me and said we should start trying for a baby as I'm a fantastic mum and he sincerely regrets the previous abortion. I fell pregnant on my second cycle after coming off of the pill. I was thrilled but ONCE AGAIN he then changed his mind and wanted me to get an abortion. This caused a massive argument. I said abortion is not an emergency contraception and told him I was keeping the baby. I spoke all of the positives to him and bonded with the baby inside of me. As the weeks went by he got nastier and nastier and threatened if I kept it, I'd be single and pregnant yet again. I have no support from family with my first child and I can't afford two children on my own. They just wouldn't have a quality of life. I only want to be the best mum I can be and felt in an impossible situation. But how could I abort a baby I wanted, loved and had tried for with him because that's what we both wanted? I stood my ground that I was keeping the baby and he went off the rails. Threatening me and saying he would kill himself. I decided that I had to terminate 😠it would break my heart having another child with a deadbeat father and it would break my heart to not be able to support my kids alone. I really did consider all of my options to make this work but unfortunately alone I couldn't. So please lay off of the nasty comments. I already am beating myself up and I'm distraught and I'm grieving my baby so so much. I can't stop thinking about my little baby in heaven and I will never be whole again. I am seeking counselling following this. It's traumatised me. I'm not pro life but I definately did not have myself down as a woman who would consider an abortion. Let alone have 2.
I'm really worried now about my fertility and my reproductive health. Has anybody had 2 medical abortions and been able to successfully conceive in the future if I ever meet someone truly decent and fit to be a father? I know it may seem selfish to be thinking this way. I feel I don't deserve any kids anymore.
It's safe to say I'm shot of him now. It shows you never really know anybody but maybe I should have seen the signs from the first abortion. He has been controlling when I really think about the relationship and I haven't seen him since the day of the termination. I don't need a man or want one. I've had a lucky escape and so has my daughter from him as a step dad.
I felt terrible after my first abortion but this one has reallt had an effect because it was planned and I really bonded with the baby. How long did it take people to get over this? To not feel riddled with grief everyday?
I don't know can anyone who has had a repeat abortion? Or felt grief from an abortion shed some light that it does get better? I miss my baby so much. Truly heartbroken.