Hi. Just looking for some mother’s who have been in a similar situation. Me and my husband went to our 20 week scan feeling nervous but also excited. The whole journey has had me anxious as we had previously miscarried at 7 weeks in January. The sonographer explained everything looked as it should but couldn’t get satisfactory views of the baby’s heart. She said not to panic and to come back in a weeks time with the doctor. I started to panic and wondered why I wouldn’t be with a sonographer again, but as her words were ‘not to worry’ I tried not to overthink. We got our picture, seen his heart pumping away and his legs kicking which gave us comfort. The week didn’t drag, I kept busy with work and the day came around for the second scan. I went into the room very anxious as I always do, husband was at work so I asked my mother in law to join me as I just thought this was simply to check measurements, I wasn’t too worried. The doctor was taking ages, didn’t speak, kept frowning and tilting her head sideways, she kept listening to the heartbeat over and over. Eventually she told us there’s something wrong with the heart and that she was going to ring the baby heart doctor to come in and take a second look before she could tell us what it was. The baby heart doctor came in, did the same and they were speaking in medical terms and I was constantly hearing the word ‘critical’. He advised to ring my husband before he told me the news, all he could tell me was my baby’s heart was a severe problem. Eventually he came back, sat me and my husband down and started to draw us a diagram of a normal heart, then drew us a picture of our baby boys heart. Our baby boy was diagnosed with ‘critical hypo plastic left heart syndrome’ he explained the left side of our babys heart didn’t work at all and it was the worst case he had seen in a long time. He gave us our options but explained that our baby could die in the womb if I went full term, he also explained if our baby survived birth he might not even survive the first operation needed for HLHS. He explained this is usually a random occurrence and there is no explanation for it. We were absolutely devastated, why has this happened to us. How can I not blame myself? I hadn’t drank alcohol or caffeine, drank my 2ltrs of water per day, stayed away from foods I should have, took my vitamins, the list goes on! We had a night to think about it as I didn’t want to spend any longer on this decision. We researched all night and came to the heart breaking decision to end our pregnancy, I was 21 + 4. We wanted to stop our baby from the pain he would have went through, that’s if he did survive. Me & my husband are devastated and the Labour was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life knowing the end result wasn’t going to be the happiest moment of my life.
How did you cope with a late miscarriage?
How can I stop myself from spiralling into a depression?
How do you get through not worrying about your next pregnancy?
How do I stop worrying about my future baby having HLHS?
If anyone has similar stories or could help with my questions I would be so grateful. I feel like I’m empty, I feel like I can’t see the light at the end of this dark hole.
Thank you
Alvies Mam x