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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Original poster

Medical termination, talk me through it please

105 replies

Confusion77 · 06/10/2019 03:33

I am due to have a medical termination on the 18th. I'll be just under 9 weeks I think.

I am 100%sure that I need to go through with this, my only concern is the termination itself if that makes sense. I read on another thread that I might recognise the shape of the foetus as it passes? It's that true at this early stage? Also, I'm sorry for asking this, but I have no idea what to expect in terms of pain and blood loss

And timing after the second set of tablets. No one knows I am doing this and I'm keen for that to continue.

I'm really struggling with tiredness and nausea too which is awful in the circumstances.

OP posts:
Inferiorbeing · 06/10/2019 12:54

Pain was reasonably bad as it passed. However, once it had I was suddenly exhausted and felt a lot better. I then bled quite heavily for a few days with some large clots. I didn't notice anything that resembled a foetus however i also didn't really look. The following day i took off work as i couldn't be on my feet all day and stayed under a duvet with a hot water bottle. I would really recommend having someone with you too x

libbynaughtz26 · 06/10/2019 13:00

I stayed in hospital for mine as I had no one with me at home. Felt a lot more comfortable with that.

The actual process hurts. Starts off as mild cramps but gradually got a lot stronger. I was sick, and I think that's when I passed it, as the nurse came in and told me just after that. So I didn't notice anything. Fell asleep almost straight away, and when I woke up around half hour later I felt fine. As if it never happened.

Look after yourself, it's a horrible situation to be in, even if your sure of your decision.

Original poster
Confusion77 · 06/10/2019 13:03

Thank you both. I will be on my own. The appointment is on the Friday, and I will be alone all day Sunday, so am thinking to use the second set Sunday a.m.

How long did it take to get started after the second set of tablets?

OP posts:
Original poster
Confusion77 · 07/10/2019 12:49

Can anyone else add to this please?

OP posts:
SaltK · 07/10/2019 15:52

It took 4 hours for me, and was mostly over with within an hour at home. Painful, but bearable. Bleeding on and off for about a week, nothing bad.

Original poster
Confusion77 · 07/10/2019 19:54

@SaltK thank you. How far along were you? I posted on chat due to lack of replies here, and sone people have had awful experiences.

OP posts:
SaltK · 09/10/2019 10:55

Hi confusion, sorry for the slow response. I was only 6 weeks along, but I've also had medical management of miscarriage at 8 and 10 weeks, which is a very similar process. It was more or less the same all times.

For me, it wasn't awful. The cramps were manageable, with painkillers every 4 hours and a hot water bottle. With the termination, I had cramps for 2-3 hours beforehand, but they weren't too bad. The actual process was unpleasant and uncomfortable, but that's partly psychological, and it was over relatively quickly. Blood loss was more than a period, but again all within an hour or so, so easy to manage at home.

I know some people have had some awful experiences, and I'm sorry if you're feeling anxious. It's not always terrible. Is there going to be someone you can rely on of things are hard for you, or if you have a lot of bleeding?

Starlight39 · 09/10/2019 11:09

For my MMC medical management (similar size of feotus), I took codeine, ibuprofen and paracetemol - 2 tablets of all 3 painkillers every 4 hours for the whole day. You can take them all at once as they work in different ways. The codeine helped a lot and probably made me feel a bit more relaxed although I wasn't too out of it or anything - the nurse prescribed it so I'd definitely ask if they will prescribe you some and stock up on ibuprofen and paracetemol too. The pain wasn't too bad, I had thought it would be worse from what I read on the internet! A hot water bottle helps too. Hope you're OK, it's impossible not to worry but I think for me the worry about the process was almost worse than the process itself if that makes sense.

Original poster
Confusion77 · 09/10/2019 16:20

@SaltK thank you for replying. I was thinking, I have a very good friend who doesn't live close but who I could probably tel if it came to it so she would at least be on the end of the phone or message which will be better than being complete alone if it's very bad.

I'm sure bpas said they'd give cocodamol at the appointment for me to take home.

It sounds so callous but I just want it to be over, I'm so ill with pregnancy.

OP posts:
SaltK · 09/10/2019 20:21

It's not callous, it's completely understandable. Flowers

Original poster
Confusion77 · 09/10/2019 20:49

@SaltK thank you. I can't cover up how ill I feel. 2 friends/colleagues have asked if I'm pregnant. I'm struggling to go to work but can't just call in sick. I'm also conscious that I might need a day or two off afterwards if it's a difficult experience.

OP posts:
SaltK · 10/10/2019 09:35

It's an awful situation to be in. Your colleagues shouldn't be asking you that, but people always do. Have you got annual leave? Maybe you could put a couple of days in for Mon/Tues, and/or for tomorrow, just to give yourself a bit of breathing space? Just make up any convincing lie you want to tell anyone - you deserve a bit of time to recuperate. This must be really hard for you xx

YellowHelicopter · 10/10/2019 10:50

I've had two medical terminations.

The first I had in hospital, I remember it being quite rapid as in a few hours and painful when the foetus passed but manageable. You will pass a lot of big clots so just prepare for that.

The second I had at home. The pain wasn't nearly as bad as the first time but it took a lot longer, over 12 hours.

My advice would be do not look under any circumstances. The urge to look is quite strong but just get up and flush each time.

Once you've passed the sac, the pain does lessen so you kind of know it's over of that makes sense although still expect some bleeding.

Unfortunately for me, my second termination resulted in retained products and I haemorrhaged after about 3 weeks and had to have a second set of pills which didn't work and I haemorrhaged again and then had to have a surgical procedure.

I'm only telling you this so I'm the unlikely event that you continue to bleed heavily for 2-3 weeks after, you know what to look out for. I called up Marie Stopes after two weeks as I was concerned and they told me it was normal. It was only after another week when I began to lose clots the size of my hand that I knew something was very wrong.

I was the 1 in a 1000 that this happens to so very very unlikely that this will happen to you. However, it's good to be prepared should it happen.

All the best OP

funinthesun19 · 12/10/2019 14:06

Mine was very mild pain wise. I really didn’t know what to expect, and I think I naively thought it was just going to be like a heavy period. So I think if it was very painful it would have taken me by surprise, and with me being on my own I would have been really scared. The pain for me luckily wasn’t that bad. For me it was nothing like labour like some people have described it as.

When I took the first lot of tablets, they made me really sick. Way worse than the morning sickness I had been having Sad Then when I took the second lot of tablets 3 days later I got the chills and shakes really bad, then mild cramping and then lots of bleeding. I felt like a “pop” in my tummy when I stood up and then had to rush to the toilet, and I’m guessing that’s when I passed the pregnancy. Sad That messed me up pretty bad and I suffered for months emotionally and mentally. I didn’t see anything but I knew I passed the pregnancy in the toilet.

I bled for about 7 weeks, had a mild infection during that time but recovered well physically after that. The bleeding was very heavy at first, and I filled a whole pad walking to the supermarket 3 days after my termination. That scared me a bit but I was ok.

I hope you’re ok Flowers

funinthesun19 · 12/10/2019 14:10

Oh yes and big clots as someone else mentioned. Don’t be alarmed by them they’re normal.

Original poster
Confusion77 · 12/10/2019 14:25

Thank you. I had REALLY awful periods for a year or so and still heavy, so am used to large clots. I didn't get much pain at all with the periods , I don't know if it's relevant, but was losing fist sized clots regularly with no pain.

OP posts:
funinthesun19 · 12/10/2019 19:03

Hi OP. How’s everything going?

Original poster
Confusion77 · 12/10/2019 19:09

Hi, I'm ok thanks. I just want to get it over with now but still almost a week to wait. I just can't believe how long this process is and how difficult it seems to be being made. The clinic closest to me opens one afternoon a week . I'm wondering if any supportive posters might be around next weekend. That might be too much to ask of strangers I guess.

OP posts:
Original poster
Confusion77 · 12/10/2019 19:10

Still feeling as sick as a dog. It's really hard going with my two young children.

OP posts:
funinthesun19 · 12/10/2019 19:20

Yeah the wait before the appointment can be a long drawn out process, especially when the clinic is only open one afternoon a week. Is it BPAS who you’re going through? I went with Marie Stopes.
I’ll be around, if you need any support I’m only a message away.

Original poster
Confusion77 · 12/10/2019 19:56

Yes bpas. I made the first call 2.5 weeks after dtd. The day after the positive test. Yet I'll be 9 weeks when the appointment happens.

It's just occurred to me that both family members will be out of the country too. Not that I am telling them but I have one as emergency contact. I'm really not keen on giving stbx but I might have to. What a total mess up .

And thank you. I'm hoping it will be ok but it might really help to know someone is out there.

OP posts:
SaltK · 13/10/2019 14:17

I'll be around if you need a supportive ear Cake

Original poster
Confusion77 · 13/10/2019 14:32

@SaltK thank you. The only person who could be here is stbx. I really really don't want to tell him, or have him "support" me. He's not a nice person and will use it against me for the rest of my life. I can't let him have any more hold over me

OP posts:
LendAnEar · 15/10/2019 10:07

Hi @Confusion77... I had a medical termination about 18 months ago and I have found myself needing another.

My first experience wasn't horrific. I had everything in one day via BPAS. Pain within a couple of hours, manageable as I was given codeine. Hot water bottle helps. There was a lot of big clots but I stopped looking in the end. Heavy bleeding for about 1-2 weeks.

If you need to speak, just send a message Flowers I'll be going through it all again very soon Sad

SaltK · 16/10/2019 20:53

I hope you're doing okay OP - you're so close now to having things be over.

If you don't want to tell anyone, then don't. It might be awful but it might be alright, and if it's really that awful you can call a taxi and go to A&E/the walk in. Or if you need to, you could ring 'stbx' (I don't know what that means...) and say it's a miscarriage or just say you have pains.

But these are worst-case scenarios, and I'm sure if you've got everything in that you need, you'll be able to cope.