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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

Feeling extremely sad about pending abortion

36 replies

driftonby · 04/08/2019 16:13

I'm booked in for when I'm around 11 weeks and I'm feeling really sad about it today.

It's definitely the right decision for me and my current DC but it's hard none the less.

I'm studying in September with uni. DH is finally where he wants/needs to be career wise and there's lots of lovely holiday and fun time. I don't have to think all that much about money, although things will be slightly tighter once I'm at uni. Family have agreed to provide nighttime childcare for when I need it in September.

Amazingly this pregnancy hasn't given me HG sickness, and I have imagined them to be this sweet little thing (I know that's a bunch of crap and it's not a baby).

I was completely emotionally detached when I found out but I've really warmed to 'them' and now I feel quite sad it'll eventually have to end soon

Has anyone else been through similar? I know for certain I've made the right choice to end the pregnancy but I feel sad none the less.

OP posts:

Original poster

driftonby · 04/08/2019 17:15

My friend had a suprise pregnancy when she was at uni part time in the evenings. She worked full time during the day. She took maternity leave from work. She went to a lecture at 9 months pg having twinges, gave birth tue day after, was back at uni two weeks later. Her dh had the baby on uni nights. She was on mat leave so hni was the only commitment she had and managed it fine, getting a first class honours.

I think it's wonderful that she made it work for her. The reality though, is my degree is not part time. And due to the nature of the degree I could never work during the day for set hours/days unless it was completely flexible around my degree.

I also do not want that 'rushed' feeling with my next child, if I ever did have another one (I currently don't want additional DC really but may decide on 1 more in years to come).

OP posts:

SteadyAreYouReady · 04/08/2019 17:15

Soola the title is clear, you don’t need to read the thread.

Original poster

driftonby · 04/08/2019 17:18

Soola abortion is a perfectly good choice if an unwanted pregnancy happens, and is the best plan B for me. For what it's worth I've had a coil failure.

Not that it matters. I could've had casual sex without protection and ended up pregnant.
I'd still be just as 'deserving' to end the pregnancy

OP posts:

sheshootssheimplores · 04/08/2019 17:20

Op have you decided to stick with one child? If the answer is yes I think you are absolutely right to have a termination in the circumstances you describe. If you are assuming you will be able to have another child in however many years time with no issues, I’d just be a little cautious as I too thought it would be easy to have another child after my first and it was the most heart breaking time of my life.

Either way I wish you well ❤️

Original poster

driftonby · 04/08/2019 17:23

shes Thank you x

Currently I definitely want one DC. Although I may change my mind in 6 years or so. I'm still extremely young so time is on my side.

For now, I can safely say I wouldn't be too upset if I couldn't have any more, for whatever reason. But having any addition children right now isn't something I want.

I'd like to enjoy the next baby if I ever choose that's what I want. This is all too rushed and 'busy' for my liking. There's far too much on my plate and I'm certain a termination is best

OP posts:

NoWayDidISayThat · 04/08/2019 17:24

OP, you feel sad because it is sad but that doesn’t mean it’s the wrong decision. You have thought it through with your partner and you have made the decision carefully. You need to trust yourself and understand yourself that you haven’t done this lightly. You are making the right decision not just for yourself but for your existing children.

In the future if ever you wonder if you made the right decision just remind yourself that you have made this decision after a lot of thought.

Hope that everything goes ok, you may find that you are more upset than you expect but you may also find that you feel surprisingly ok once you have had the abortion.

aiyshajc · 04/08/2019 17:27

@driftonby
I can't tell you how much I related to this post.
When I was 16 I fell pregnant me and my now husband bad been together literally a month and I fell pregnant. Massive shock to say the least. We just wasn't ready, our relationship with incredibly rocky. I was
Living at home with my mum and she was going through an alcohol addiction,she was also unwell in hospital with asthma. My partner just wasn't ready for the commitment even though I swore I was. I had an abortion at 8 weeks. At the time it killed me I cried and cried like I was in mourning. But looking back at it now, it was the right thing to do for us. I don't recon me and my partner would of stayed together if we had kept the baby. It's not right for everyone but it was right for us at that time. I now have a 17 month old, married in our own house and we are happy. Whatever you choose do what's right for you,it's a hard choice to make but with the right support you will get through either road you choose to go down. Wishing you all the best x

Dillydallyingthrough · 04/08/2019 17:29

OP ignore the idiots on this thread, it's making me so angry - why click on a thread about abortion and then make it about how it's making you sad or tell you that you are making a mistake.

You're allowed to be sad even when you know it's the right decision. I had a termination for similar reasons to you, I have never regretted it - by making that decision me and my DD have a much better quality of life. I used to think about it quite often (it's been 10 years), I allowed myself to grieve, and it hardly ever crosses my mind now.

Take care of yourself and allow yourself to feel upset, sad, grieve and any other emotions you may feel (I also felt relief which I then felt guilty for initially).

Original poster

driftonby · 04/08/2019 18:23

Dilly Thank you. Your situation sounds very similar to my own. DS is my entire world and any more children right now would directly disadvantage him in more ways than one.

As for the complete idiots saying it's sad... they're bloody sad, commenting shite.

OP posts:

laidbackllama · 05/08/2019 12:33

I'm sorry but continuing a pregnancy and having a baby can also bring on prenatal/postnatal depression, financial difficulty, relationship problems, etc, whether the pregnancy is planned or not. How someone can say a baby will make you happy and make everything better is so small-minded. OP you are well within your right to feel the way that you feel and make whatever decision you like. Good luck, there is no need for you to feel bad xx

ajbellamy · 07/08/2019 19:06

Yes I have indeed. Last November. I was 8 weeks gone but I already had a 6, 4 and 2yr old. It's the most hardest decision ever and certainly not easy. You have to be 100% otherwise it will just shatter you (that's me being honest) I was completely emotionless about it until it was all over and I saw the foetus.... Nobody told you how to prepare for THAT. Make sure you have plenty of support. Only my fiance knew and came with me. It will be so very hard but one day when timing is better you can maybe think about trying again.

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