Are you done having kids? How did you know?

[cherrylola]

I have two sons, 2 and 4. I honestly think I must have thought about having a third more or less everyday since my youngest was born BUT I really have struggled through every single stage, from breastfeeding, PND and anxiety, a traumatic birth (and a wonderful home birth), sibling rivalry, seriously challenging behaviour, no time for self care at all, relationship counselling, the list goes on and on. So even if practically it didn't seem like such a leap (bigger house/car/childcare bill) this is what puts me off. My other half feels the same (stress levels have been high while having babies) and maintains that he is happy with two, although I know he would agree to a third if I said it was important. I can't shake the thought that I want another, but I'm scared too! How did you know you were done? Will this feeling eventually fade away (it hasn't reduced yet). I feel if we left it too much longer to make a decision the gap would widen too far with their siblings but the 2.5 year gap we had was also so so hard.

I have one incredible son. Who has been a difficult but magical baby. I won't be having any more babies. I couldn't do this again. I don't want to do it a second time when it's been so perfectly dreamlike and insanely impossible all at once. I want a bigger family though so I'm hoping I'll be able to convince my wife to adopt when our son is a little older. Or if not adopt then definitely foster.

Pregnancy number 3 but baby number 2 for me...i can safely say this is it. I loved pregnancy, my first two were bloody brilliant! Easy, i did the glowing thing, labours were fine.

This pregnancy has been hell on earth. Morning sickness, excessive tiredness, just generally feeling like shite. It has put me off for life. I'll stick to two!!

Also I literally don't know how families cope with more than 2 kids. They must be so rich. Because I want holidays and clothes and 2 cars on finance, and I don't know how I'd afford it with any more.

I’ve got one who is now 5yrs old and we are done. Never wanted more than one when I was pregnant and nothing has changed over the years. Husband feels the same which is great. Lots of my friends have gone on to have second and third babies and it doesn’t make me feel broody at all. Just no desire to do it again. And then after that it’s down to things like time, money. We feel complete as a family of three. The thought of having to look go through pregnancy, labour and the baby years fills me with mild horror .

^^ absolutely. My stomach sinks a little when I see a pregnant belly.

Oh lord i must be a freak! I am in my 50s and perpetually broody even now! I am a fc and adoptor as well as having 3 birth children and my youngest (adopted )child is only 3 but i would be over the moon to adopt another.
I think i am suffering from a glut of maternal instinct !

I have three. I am done in. They are great, I love them to pieces, it's great fun but a fourth would be too much.

I have 3 and tried for a fourth for a few months. I can't describe why, but one month when my period arrived, it was just like a switch went on and I knew I never wanted another - I was done.
I craved a pregnancy and a newborn, but the sensible part of me acknowledged that I couldn't mentally cope with another child, nor would it be fair on my existing DC. My youngest was 4 and I think I was mourning his baby stage and struggling with letting go of that part of our life.

My eldest DC is 15 now and costs a fortune, I can't imagine feeding, clothing, educating 4 teens, not to mention holidays, hobbies etc.

So so glad we stopped at 3. I openly admit to finding 3 a struggle. 4 would destroy me.

We had two boys 16 months apart and I just knew I wasn't done. I was firm that I wanted to wait until our younger son was at least two so we could enjoy his baby stage before trying for another. My husband was happy with two though and did not want a third. I was seriously stressed about it and almost couldn't sleep at night because of it. It felt like such a big decision, quitting while we were ahead with our two perfect sons or rolling the dice and going for one more. He basically was like it's your call but made it known he was fine with 2. I decided put the 3rd baby discussion on hold for 6 months and just really enjoy time with our 2 & 3 year old. We did a few small trips and water parks, etc. Then when my younger son was 2.5 I called the doctor and arranged to have my IUD removed and came home with a jumbo bottle of prenatals. My husband was but I slept soooo good that night knowing that my mind was made up. 5 days later we conceived baby #3 and now we have a beautiful 6 month old baby girl. Our family feels complete in every way and I am happily packing away all the baby stuff to give to my brother who is just about to start trying with his fiancée. I 100% feel done now!! I am still crazy about babies but I'm good with the ones I have. It's just a little sad that such an amazing and exciting phase of my life and marriage is over. No more pregnancy tests, growing bellies, gender reveals, excitement about due dates, etc. Life with 3 is busy. We had to buy a bigger vehicle and give up my husbands bedroom our spare room. I'm debating about going back to work or not in 18 Months (we are in Canada). But I feel so complete and happy. I think the fact that you are wondering about having another enough to make this post means you already have your answer :)

I knew when we found out I was unexpectedly pregnant with no.3. Went on to have an abortion (hardest decision of my life), but I haven't looked back or once regretted that decision. We are only just coming up for air after having 2 quite close together. I also struggled so much with most aspects of parenting two very little children. Youngest just turned 2 and I'm knackered all the time!

We have a similar gap between dc1&2. Dh was happy to stop at two, I wanted more. But it wasn't just about me, I accepted that it was probably more wrong to make dh have a child that he didn't want, than for me to go without the 'more' that I did want.

When dc2 reached the age dc1 had been when dc2 was conceived, I found that my desire to have more children became painful, all-consuming. Dh agreed not so much to try, as to stop trying not to. As long as we fixed an end-point, after which we would resume using BC. It was about acceptance.

Then something weird happened. I fell pregnant and had an early miscarriage. Dh was astonished to find himself grieving, and realised that, yes, he really did want another.

We went on to have dc3. I would happily have had a dc4, but dh absolutely refused, mostly on practical reasons. Although I agreed with his reasons, I found it incredibly hard to accept. It probably took until dc3 was 2y old before I accepted that I would not have any more, and at least another 2-3y before I stopped being broody.

I had many of the same problems as you, but TBH I saw them as transient. The practical issues were more significant. Were we richer, and could afford a live-in nanny, I would have gone for no4. I'm sure I could have persuaded dh! I don't know at what point I would have known "I'm done". Perhaps at 4 - I theorise that between dh and me we have four hands, so there's still space for another not happening.

We have a 2y gap followed by a 4y gap. At first it was almost like having two families at the same time, but it still works.

I agree with chien- I think I would like a third child, but I just dont think I could go through having a third baby.

I found the first year tough going with both my two. Neither were great sleepers and I just found my emotional energy was utterly sapped by that first year of completely dependent babyhood.

They’re 3.5 and 1.5 now and it’s starting to get easier and more enjoyable. I’d find it hard to go back despite still having the feeling I’m not fully “done”. I’m not sure that feeling will ever fully ease but I’ll have to see if it gets strong enough to change my mind!

I felt done after I had DC3. I was so happy and content even though it was hard work. Another one didn't feature in my future. I just wanted to concentrate on bringing my 3 children up and giving them the absolute best. In the summer I was so happy with my life and how it was going.
When I found out I was pregnant again in October I was devastated. I went on to have an abortion, which was the hardest most painful thing I have ever been through. I didn't want any more children, but now that I chose not to be pregnant anymore I feel like I want to have another DC and that I threw away that chance. So I felt done, but now I don't I WISH so much that I never fell pregnant.

I always thought I wanted 3, DP not so keen. After my second one though I was surprising comfortable with getting rid of the baby stuff. I was postponing a decision about a third until the point I'd have wanted to try.

Then I got pregnant accidentally. At first I was surprisingly sad (guilty about the middle not getting enough attention; not being able to return to work between 2&3). Now I'm feeling fine about it - excited to meet no3, pleased to not have a big gap between 2&3 (roughly 2 1/2 years for each gap). I've even found myself thinking that if we had space I'd like four. But I'm too old and want to stay in the city so can't buy anywhere big enough. And DP wouldn't want four.

Ive already got four aged 9, 4, 23 months and 14 weeks. I knew when I was pregnant with youngest that he would be my last. My younger three are all so close in age and I was worried about getting pregnant again so soon that I had my tubes tied after my c section. Also as I've had four sections I didn't want to risk my health any further by having another. Every c section I've had, the recovery has got worse and more painful and I'm done with that. I know I'll feel sad when my kids are no longer babies, but hopefully I'll be in a position to foster. I also won't miss pregnancy at all

If enjoyed reading people's posts, this had been a topic on my mind for a while now, I have 3 beautiful daughters, 8, 5 and 3.5, with 2 different fathers (the younger 2s dad has decided not to be apart of their lives for over a year now) I have an amazing park, of only a year but I can really see my future with him, he has no children of his own and has been amazing since day 1 of introducing him to my children and they adore him, I'm soooo broody atm and he has said he would love a baby with me whenever I'm ready, how do you know if you are ready or just living in a fantasy world? Would I be mad to have 4th baby with a 3rd man, I know I shouldn't worry what people think but hard not to! Maybe it's on my mind as two of my best friends are both pregnant and I feel slightly left out! My partner currently doesn't live with me and I live in a 3 bed council house, should I think more about practicality! All I know is im.not quite done and think one more baby would complete our family, also if been told due to health issues in the part that I may now be infertile (not definitely just a side affect of a previous health issue) so this is also making me think! Confused and would like to hear people's advice and points of view! X

I had 3 one after the other, 10 months between my first two.

Decided I didn't want any more as had no stretch marks and wanted to keep it that way.

Also my marriage ended when youngest was 5 and I didn't want to have children for different men.

I have 4 and expecting a 5th I have decided this is my last one because there expensive and I want to give them a good life I had originally planned to stop at 3