My partner wants me to have an abortion and my daughter does not want a sibling!

[Saminsachs]

Hello :)

I've just found out that I'm roughly 8 weeks pregnant, with my second child. My daughter is 8 years old.

My partner is completely against it and is urging me to have an abortion. My daughter has big problems with jealousy...she does not like me showing any affection towards her father, or anybody else for that matter and is very afraid that I would love someone else more than her.

I've tested the water a bit with my daughter, bringing up the idea of having a sibling, and she has got so upset and made me promise that I wouldn't have another baby, which I obviously couldn't and tried to explain that sometimes these things happen, but she got so upset and didn't want to talk about it anymore.

I do not want an abortion. I am a bit of a believer that things happen for a reason and I've had a really difficult few years and I see this as something promising and hopeful. I'm scared, but also a little bit excited. But there is no-one to share in my excitement, only negativity.

I haven't broken the news to my daughter yet about the baby. And I haven't told my partner that I 100% do not want an abortion - he thinks that I am still undecided.

Any advice would be so much appreciated, thank you :)

Wow OP? Your partner sounds awful!

Tell him not only have you got a double chin but you'll soon have a massive belly to match

Thank you for the congratulations messages...you're actually the first people to congratulate me!

I'm definitely prepared to go it alone-he isn't involved with our daughter at all. He wanted me to get an abortion with her aswell.

But I'm stuck in my situation. I live with him in a foreign country,in his homeland and I don't have any friends or family here and am not fluent in the language,which can be hard. But he never ever wants to go back to England,he hates it.

He's still not talking to me. He got in at 8am this morning and slept until 2,ate,played some computer games and then went back to bed,now he's up again,but ignoring me.

After my second scan,I'll tell my daughter,with him,if he hasn't told her before. He definitely hasn't yet,but he hasn't really been around today. I'm really worried about him telling her.

Thank you again for the advice and the congratulations :) My daughter actually randomly brought her baby doll in to the living room earlier and started playing with her,which was really nice :)

Congratulations OP.

If I was you, I couldn't stay with someone who treated me like your partner is treating you. You shouldn't feel bad or any other negative emotion for wanting your baby.

I think you should move away with your daughter and soon-to-be newborn. Could you go and stop with family? Even if they are in another country. This would give you time to decide if you want to be with your partner.

Is moving back to England alone an option? I mean with your daughter but not with him?

Moving isn't an option - we have joint custody and that would be too difficult logistically. My daughter is happy and settled here and speaks the language fluently, as well as English.

It would just be wonderful to feel some support and maybe even care, but it's on my shoulders I guess - he said that I would have to do everything - but I do everything for my daughter anyway.

I just want to have a peaceful Christmas and then tell my daughter after the second scan.

But I won't have an abortion. I'm really scared, but I know that it's a wonderful thing and I'm very lucky.

You need a long term plan - you can't spend the rest of your life with a man who despises you, and the feeling is justifiably mutual.

I would say ' no more babies' but I imagine that is a given as you won't be wanting sex with him.

Ok I’m in a similar boat
You really need some legal advice as well as long term plan in how you will stay in that country.
If you dint speak the language well after 8 years (I’m assuming), you’ll have to step up in some ways bith to be able to work and to be able to develop your own support network.
You need to know exactly where you stand where you live re legal obligation of your partner towards you and both children.