I've named changed, for obvious reasons.
I've recently found out that I'm pregnant, I was on the pill so not expected at all. I should be around 4.5 weeks so very early still.
I just have no idea what to do - I've rewritten this post over and over because my thoughts and words are just ramblings so please excuse my spelling and punctuation
We have 3 DC already, the eldest is 5 and youngest nearly 2, we've talked about a fourth and have both said we would like another in a few years time. We are just about on our feet after a tough few months financially.
I know we would cope with another, it wouldn't be easy but we would manage.
BUT
It has come at the completely wrong time. Mentally I am already stretched with having 3 so young, we would need to move to a bigger house (we rent) which is an extra cost we just can't afford. We would also need a bigger car and I know this sounds selfish but I was just starting to feel like I got some of my identity back. I'm more than ready to leave the baby days behind and my partner is in agreement.
Other BUT
I just don't know if I can terminate. We made this baby together and It should be given the chance of life, right?
Part of me wants this baby, the other part wants to run for the hills. One minute I think I've made my mind up and then I change it again, I've been in this loop for days now.
I know that If I terminate, ill always be asking myself If I made the right decision but I also don't want to put the extra strain on my partner and children (and of course myself).
My partner has said he thinks I should terminate but he understands it's not as simple as that. He thinks i'm going to continue the pregnancy but I genuinely don't know what to do, it's a real heart or head situation.
I understand how incredibly lucky I am to have 3 healthy children and conceive again, unfortunately that doesn't make this decision any easier either way.
I really need some words of wisdom!