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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

Abortion advice?

39 replies

GlowWorm123 · 30/01/2017 14:25

I’ve found out I’m pregnant, the best thing to do in my circumstances would be to terminate the pregnancy. I’m really struggling to get any answers from healthcare professionals at the moment, any line I ring I can’t get through. I made a doctors appointment and he was awful to me; he said that the woman before me had complained of not being able to get pregnant and that I should count myself lucky. I began to cry and he told me to leave and to not cry in front of other patients in HIS reception area. I have a few questions

How long between first appointment to the actual abortion?
Can I choose the method of abortion – I’d prefer surgical, I don’t want to wait at home/in hospital for the sac to pass. I'll be about 7 weeks I think.
Can I ask for an appointment for a few weeks time, rather than the first available one? I know that termination is the right option, but I want to know that I’ve given myself enough time to process everything.

Can I ask to see the scan/heart beat? I want too

I'll have DP there with me, i'm not sure if i'm doing this for him, but i'd like to begin to take steps ASAP.

OP posts:

PastysPrincess · 31/01/2017 14:38

Dont be rushed or pressured into an abortion you don't want. is there anyone you could visit for a couple of days; a friend or your parents. Somewhere you can get some space and think?

There is such a lot of information to process. You have plenty of time to decide if your only 7 weeks along.

Danglybits · 31/01/2017 14:44

They won't let you see the image on the screen AFAIK.

It sounds like you are v conflicted and need to take your time.

Original poster

GlowWorm123 · 31/01/2017 14:46

isfeidir I'm OK, I was angry this morning at him making appointments on my behalf and feeling like I have no say over my life. I get anxious at the unexpected this whole process is new to me; one i never thought i'd have to go through. I'm at work trying to act like everything is fine in my life, when it's really not.

I could visit a friend, they all work full time though and I don't want to hinder them. My parents live in South Africa, I live in their house in the UK.

There is a lot to process, I think that's why I'd just like a little time to get my head around it. If I terminate, at least I can say it wasn't a quick decision, I put a lot of thought into it.

This is embarrassing to say, but DP gave me herpes and with the stress of everything and pregnancy weakening my immune system I have a really bad outbreak. The thought of having a sanitary towel and potential heavy bleeding makes me feel sick, it's painful normally without having to have a sanitary towel for a few weeks. Can they give me a surgical based on that?

I will leave him after this. It's opened my very naive eyes.

OP posts:

GinIsIn · 31/01/2017 14:58

He does NOT get to decide and he can't make you go the the appointment, short of dragging you in physically which I'm pretty sure would raise flags with the clinic!! You've said you want this baby. Are you happy to have the baby alone? If so you don't need this odious, bullying, controlling prick - it's about what YOU want that matters!!

titihood · 31/01/2017 15:02

GlowWorm I'm sorry to hear that your Dr was so awful to you, and about your DP's actions. I hope that he is doing this because he is worried about you rather than controlling your life and making this decision for you.

I had a termination a long time ago. I was young and stupid, but was lucky that I found out at 4 weeks. Went to local GUM clinic and they were really nice, though I did have to have a scan because I had bleeding at some point (which was ridiculous as my Dr knew I didn't want the baby and the sonographer was rather horrible about it all). The abortion itself was done at 8 weeks and was surgical - not a pill. The bleeding wasn't all that awful from what I remember - it lasted a while but nothing I couldn't cope with.

It sounds like you are very unsure about what you want - is this because of your DP, or other factors (such as parents being far away. I completely understand this - when I eventually had my DS I lived over 5000 miles from family)? You are still early on and have time to make a decision, and talk about it with DP - if you think he will listen?
Do you have any good friends you could talk to about it? It could be helpful to have a listening ear and someone other than/in addition to DP to go with you to appointments etc.
As other people have mentioned, see if you can talk to Marie Stopes person or contact BPAS, they offer counselling. I don't know how biased they are but it could be worth it.

Can you pull a sicky (without DP knowing), and have a day to give yourself a bit of headspace?

PastysPrincess · 31/01/2017 15:10

If I was your friend I would absolutely want you to bother me with this. Obviously what ever you choose your going through some massive changes; if the house belongs to your parents could you tell DP to leave? Again only if you feel ready and able to. If he isn't going to be in the picture anyway this might give you the space to decide?

PastysPrincess · 01/02/2017 17:16

How are you OP?

Original poster

GlowWorm123 · 01/02/2017 18:30

patsy I'm sad but hiding it well and keeping busy at work. Today I called the clinic on lunch and asked for a note to be put on my file stating I want to be on my own during my consultation - I just hope that when we go to the appointment, a nurse doesn't say "Glow worm has called and stated she doesn't want you here"

I still haven't told anyone in RL, they all adore him and I'm scared of his reaction if he finds out I've told someone. I don't want to tell my parents, they would be ecstatic I'm pregnant and equally heartbroken if I terminated.

I think I want this baby, I know it's not right timing but I find myself thinking about what sex it is and how the birth would be. Then I get hit with the most horrific sadness

OP posts:

Passthebiscuit · 01/02/2017 21:45

glow just been reading your post- just wanted to send a quick message to say I went to my GP to be referred for an abortion - it was DPs 'suggestion' and I was scared about my family etc (they didn't approve of us). Deep down I knew I wanted the baby - long story short the Doc reminded me that whatever decision I want is the right decision. DC is the love of my life and is sleeping next to me. Whatever you choose, do it for YOU, sounds like you want the baby.

PastysPrincess · 01/02/2017 21:49

It's a good idea to have phoned ahead to the clinic. Hopefully you'll be able to have some space and peace during the appointment.

I really feel it would be beneficial for you to have some real life support whilst making your decision. They can then help you to tell your partner if you decide not to go ahead with the termination. Isn't there anyone you can tell- even one person?

From what you are writing you do sound like you want to keep the baby??

Poorlybabysickday · 01/02/2017 21:51

Please stay strong, you can do this without your partner, it's obvious that you want this baby

PastysPrincess · 06/02/2017 17:57

How are you OP.

Jue77s · 31/01/2021 17:49

Hi guys.Looking for advice as I dont really have anyone to talk to about this.
I am a mum of 4 grown up children with 5 grandchildren about to turn 44 and Just found out im Pregnant. I have pcos and was told id never have any more children. Then it happend i am seriously considering an abortion as I feel that I can not give another child the stability they deserve and with my children grown up with there own families this would cause so much heartache. I feel i have made the right choice but there is still doubt in my mind that im doing the wrong thing.

tigerlily20 · 01/02/2021 11:12

Definitely complain about the dr... other people's fertility problems are not your concern at this time. He also crossed the confidentiality clause by telling you what a previous patient came to him for. I had a doctor offer me advice and involved his religious beliefs, I didn't complain at the time as he seemed like a really lovely person but I often think how wrong and unethical that was.

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