Hi ladies - reposted from ante natal tests in case this is a better place for this thread.
I am not sure why I'm writing this but I know many of you have been here though right now it feels like I'm the only one in the world.
I'm 39 and 12 weeks with a longed for no3, following a mc in the summer. I talked dh into a 3rd (we already have 2 gorgeous ds who are 7 and 3) and secretly I was hoping for a dd (although another ds would be lovely).
I understand the increased risk that come with age so opted for a nipt but really in a million years I never believed I'd be the person with a high risk result.
I am now booked in for a cvs on Monday but I know in reality that will simply confirm as the clinical results show the test to so accurate.
It is breaking my heart but I know a tmfr will be the right thing for my family- please don't judge me and I understand that children with DS are wonderful but it is a different life and not one I feel we could cope with or that I want my boys to have to cope with, especially given that we are not young parents so in time the responsibility for their sibling would fall to them.
I just feel that I pushed my luck going for a 3rd when I had so much already and now I have my come uppence and feel so stupid that having a girl felt important.My future now is not what I thought it was going to be and right now I am not sure how to bear that. I couldn't put dh (and probably myself) through trying again and now i have to live with the grief and let's face it guilt of not having this baby (because I could but really just to selfish to) and come to terms that my desire for another child is not going to happen.
Sorry for the rambling but I've not been able to sleep and just feel I don't have the strength to face the coming weeks/months/years. I'm very lucky, I have a lot and wonderful support from family and good friends but I feel so alone.
People who have been through this does it get any better- particularly if you don't have another child (lots of threads I have read talk of being healed by a subsequent baby) and did counselling help?