Need support- 2wk wait for termination

[Anonymaus]

Hi,
I got a positive test this week making me 4 weeks today. For multiple reasons continuing the pregnancy isn't possible- we made the decision as soon as the test results came up. But now I need to wait until 6 weeks for a termination though I have a phone consultation this week. I don't know how to cope- I was very sick by 6 weeks in my last pregnancy, I have very important exams for work around the time the appointment would be, I'm supposed to be doing a rare night out on NYE and I don't want to raise suspicion but can't face drinking even though I will terminate a week or so later (stupid isn't it?). I don't even know if I can arrange childcare for when I'm given an appointment- might have to attend appointment alone (haven't decided on medical or surgical).
Can I please get some support? This decision has broken my heart but I know it's right

Sorry you're going through this difficult time. It's not an easy decision to make at all, but it sounds like you know what's right for you.
During your phone consultation could you ask about the chances of having the procedure sooner? It's a long shot, but you never know. There may be cancellations.
Have you looked into the difference between surgical and medical? If not, I would.
For NYE could you say you're on antibiotics and that's why you aren't drinking?

Is this through your doctor? Our doctors refer to our hospital which has a 2-3 week wait time but if you call Marie stopes directly they give you a phone consultation about a week later and can book you in the following day apparently. I don't know if they are nationwide though.

Sorry posted too soon. I am currently in the same situation, although slightly further along and was told the hospital had a long wait period so am going down the Marie stopes route. We also know we're not in the right situation right now to have a child although it feels like a really hard decision. Made harder by the wait from the hospital. Good luck with everything

I've gone through Marie Stopes but apparently it's the law that you must wait until 6 weeks (so the whereabouts of the pregnancy can be seen on screen). I understand the reasons why but if I could do it now I would- I can't grieve and work my emotions out beforehand.
Yes, I've looked into both surgical and medical and they both have their pros and cons- medical less invasive and I would be at home but scared of DC seeing me ill. Surgical is faster and apparently easier afterwards but feels a lot more 'serious' and I know I can't do it alone. I just feel SO stupid and we have decided not to talk to anyone in real life. I think I will be grateful afterwards that nobody knew but right now we feel very alone

Thankyou Course, I hope everything is resolved with you too. It's a difficult and lonely place to me in, I never thought I'd be here. Acting normal over Christmas has been horrible

I know how you feel. Trying to keep a brace face on things with no one to talk to has been a complete nightmare.
Sorry I didn't realise you would have to wait until 6 weeks. I have to go with the surgical option as I'm too far gone which is killing me. It's all I've thought about but I know having a baby now would be the worst thing I could do. Really wish you all the best of luck and hopefully they can fit you in as soon as you are at the 6 week point

Oh okay I'm with you, I thought the wait was because there was a waiting list.
I understand why you've chosen not to tell people - it's such a private decision and you don't always know how others will react - but I can see how it must be very lonely. Just because you have made the right decision for you, it doesn't mean it's an easy thing to go through.

I was in your shoes a few weeks ago. I had severe morning sickness and waited over 3 weeks from finding out to having it. It was total hell. Although it was a really upsetting decision to make, I had a huge sense of relief after the procedure. I had the surgical and it was fine, once the anaesthetic wore off I was back to normal. The antibiotics I got given after gave me a stomach ache though. But I can see the benefit of a medical one too.
Don't feel stupid, you're not. Marie Stopes offer counselling I believe, if that's something that might help? I can imagine having to act normal over Xmas can't have been easy. If you want to get anything off your chest you can post it here and I'll try to help. Otherwise, hang tight, you'll get through it. And once it's over you can process it all properly and hopefully get into a position where you feel able to move on. Same for you too coursedarlin - and try not to beat yourself up about having to have the surgical. I know it's easier said than done though.

Hi OP. I recently went through a medical termination. I found out on December 4th, contacted bpas on 6th and had my first appointment on 12th. I could've got one sooner but couldn't due to work. I went for my consultation Monday, got scanned and they told me I was actually just under 5 weeks and nowhere near as far along as my date suggested (I don't have a regular 28 day cycle though). Mine was visible then, not even 3mm including the sac. I went the following Thursday for my first tablet and had the last tablets on the Saturday which is when I passed it. Have you called Bpas? They were really helpful. I read loads of horror stories and it wasn't as bad as I expected. Emotionally it was/is very hard. And I know what you mean about the drinking, I was the same, checking tablet boxes etc! If you have any questions or feel the need to offload feel free to let me know id be happy to help if I could.

Hi there, I was in your shoes 8 weeks ago. This is a very personal decision for every woman but would like to offer some relatively more practical advice about your options to terminate. I was persuaded by several health care professionals to opt for a medical termination. I really wish and would recommend to anyone to choose the surgical option. I didn't because I'm petrified of being put to sleep and also because of the pressure to choose this by the nurses. In the end I ended up needing a surgical procedure anyway but was able to get a spinal block rather than an anaesthetic. The whole experience of the medical option was absolutely awful. I know it's different for every women and obviously you're earlier than I was so it may be OK but to me it was such an undignified and unnecessarily heartbreaking experience. I wish you love in your upcoming choice and hugs because this is such a horrible decision for any woman to make.

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate hearing other people's experiences and knowing I have some support.
Just had my phone consultation and apparently it'll be at least 2 weeks to wait 😞 when they call back I'm going to ask if there's a shorter wait in another local clinic. I've already started feeling very sick so only a small amount of time until people clock on

Have you rung bpas? I didn't wait that long and I don't live in london or anything. They didn't say anything about this 6 weeks business either

Sending all of you going through this my very best wishes.

Yes, definitely ask if there's any chance of being seen sooner at a different local clinic. Or as a pp has said, it might be worth calling bpas to enquire.
For the sickness, I'm sure you know this already, but try not to let your stomach get too empty. I kept crackers/ biscuits to hand to nibble on. And ginger tea. If it gets really bad, your GP can prescribe antiemetics, however, if you haven't been through them already then I appreciate you might not want to go to the dr about it.
Is it work or friends/family you're worried will clock on? I mostly work from home, so it wasn't a problem to hide on that front, but with friends and family I just avoided seeing people where possible, and where I had to see people, I said I was ill with stomach-related stuff. I implied IBS as opposed to something contagious, but no one really pressed for specifics.

I just wanted to give an opposite view of the medical option.
I had a medical termination through bpas at just over 6 weeks. If you haven't contacted them, please do as they were brilliant.
My whole experience (physically) was very easy. I'm not a teenager, I have two children and this was a complete contraception and morning after pill failure with a relatively new partner.
The whole medical procedure was not what I'd read. I was so so scared as to what it would be like but it was remarkably ok. Almost to the point where I thought it hadn't worked. I took the first pill about 10am and the pessaries by about 10:30am. I think I passed the pregnancy sac around 2pm. I didn't have a 'labour' as you might read, I didn't have excruciating cramps , I didn't need to take any strong painkillers. I took some ibuprofen and laid in bed with a hot water bottle watching crappy tv.
I bled heavily for nearly a week and then another couple of weeks lightly. My next period was on time. Physically, I'm fine.
Emotionally, I'm actually pretty fine too. It was almost impossible to have the baby in my circumstances.
I'm not meaning this to be 'goady' or smug- it's a shit thing to go through whichever way- but I just wanted to add a positive experience of the medical route.
Sending love

Thank you, I'm definitely looking for positive experiences since I'm 100% sure on my decision. I'm scared that I'll end up having to go and sit my exams the next day bleeding heavily so anxiously awaiting my appointment date.
I'm mostly worried about family recognising symptoms since they're very local and know how sick I was with DC so it wouldn't take much for them to realise. I only work part time and not much contact with colleagues so that should be fine. I will probably ask the Drs for a prescription though for something in the hope of an easier process. Called off going out for NYE and instead will stay in with DP and pizza probably, no need for pretending

Diet Coke or anything with aspartame helps with the nausea. I had to deal with that too it's crap.
I had medical termination 2.5 weeks ago with bpas. The cramps hurt a lot but they gave me Coedine. Similar reasons to everyone here - 2 kids complicated life. I'm sure of my decision and glad it's over. The bpas nurses were lovely and none of that getting 2 docs to sign hassle either.

I was prepared for the worst. Was expecting an excruciating bloodbath. I ended up taking pessaries at around 10am and passed the pregnancy about 6pm. I had light bleeding for the first few hours, and cramping in my back. Like a period cramps, not unbearable. I did prepare for the worst tho and dosed up on co codamol and Ibuprofen every two hours, stuck heat pads to my back and a hot water bottle for my front. I did pass clots, for a day or two. My bleeding stopped completely after a week. (Although I know it can re appear) I was 5weeks and a few days when I had the termination. I did get an infection even tho I was very careful, a weeks antibiotics cleared it up quickly. I, like one of the other posters breezed through it physically. Emotionally it isn't nice, it was the raging pregnancy hormones that made it so much worse, my worst night was after taking the first tablet, as I knew there was no going back. I cried and cried and cried. But I'm two weeks post procedure and all my symptoms have gone and my hormones have finally began to settle. I do have moments of sadness, but I know it was the right decision and I do not regret it, I just regret that I ended up in that situation for several reasons. It is a shit experience regardless of how 'easy' it is physically, but they do offer counselling - which I declined, but will definitely sign up for if I feel the need in the future.
Hugs

I didn't ever get called back so just rang Marie Stopes--appointment next Tuesday morning. Won't be able to organise childcare so DP will have to stay at home but I'm just relieved. Will only be 6+1 so I'm hoping the physical side of things will be bearable, even if the emotional side isn't

Glad you've got the appointment sorted, it must be a relief. Is that the procedure, or an in person consultation? I don't know if it's the same everywhere, as I know you've had a phone consultation already. I arranged a consultation by phone, then went in and had blood tests and a scan and they asked questions, then I had to call to book the procedure after that. Either way, you're nearly there - fingers crossed the sickness stays away.

This is for the proper appointment. I'm finding it harder and harder as time goes on, finding myself dreaming about newborns and bringing a baby home from the hospital. I know my reasons are sound though 😞 I'm trying to focus on the practicalities of the appointment now I think

I think it's natural to think "what if", but remember you can chat to one of the Marie Stopes counsellors if the thoughts are becoming all consuming? Focusing on the practicals is good, although sometimes our emotions and our subconscious have other ideas!

My anxiety and emotion was worse leading up to the term. After it I felt relieved for a couple of days and then very sad for a couple then it seemed done with.

I went to my appointment today but I'm measuring a whole week behind so they couldn't proceed with treatment. I'm waiting for another 15 days now 😞 I'm not sure how my dates are so out- I know I conceived on December 10th and last period was 28th November. I even got a positive on December 21st. I just want to cry

Argh! I completely understand how frustrated you are. When you prepare yourself to do it and then something changes. Why are they making you wait 15 days and not 1 week?

That's just their next appointment for medical or surgical 😞 I'm convinced this is a missed miscarriage as it makes no sense to me but I still have no option other than to wait. They could maybe find me an appointment at another clinic but it's over 30 miles away and I'd never make it work with having time off and childcare etc