Ok, so I'm not sure whether my miscarriage last year has made me slightly nuts, but I am unable to sleep, unable to eat, feel immense guilt when I spend time with my kids. I fear we cannot afford this third child. We were nearly out of the bit childcare cost wise, now we will be right back in. I can't face the thought of sleepless nights, dirty nappies, nights spent feeding on the couch, having to work extra hours to be able to afford shoes for the three of them, exhaustion, exhaustion, exhaustion. I always thought I was a mummy first, worker second. So, why now when I find that i am having the third (and to be fair I always said I wanted three) have I become so intensely interested in my work life and so bored by my home life? Is this some sort of weird form of depression? Anyone had a third pregnancy which they decided to keep and found that actually life wasn't that bad with three, even though the thought of it during pregnancy caused (and I'm not joking) anxiety attacks in the middle of the office? and a permanent scowl on my face ( my eldest daughter thinks I hate her now, because apparently I no longer smile anymore and my scowl is always in her direction according to her) I am not as patient with my girls as I was... I feel immense guilt that I have stolen 25% of our income to pay for childcare costs for a child that I definitely don't want...