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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

late termination

27 replies

FlorenceMoore100 · 08/05/2016 20:20

me and my partner face a late termination (23 weeks) on tuesday. ive already had a child, but with unforseen complications, it would be unfair to the child for us to have it, for starters i didnt even know i was pregnant until 21 weeks. im devistated to have to do this, and i dont know what to expect. i have to have an injection through the stomach to avoid a live birth, then take a pill and birth her the next day. has anyone been through this? knows how it feels? im worried beyond belief, not for me, for baby, will she feel anything?

OP posts:
AndNowItsSeven · 08/05/2016 20:24

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quicklydecides · 08/05/2016 20:25

So you found out just two weeks ago?
Your head must be spinning.
Is it that your baby has complications?
Gosh I'm so sorry, I would ask your doctor for a description of the procedure so that you are fully prepared.
I'm sorry I don't know more about it all.

Afreshstartplease · 08/05/2016 20:25

Op is there a medical reason for you to need to do this? It must be very difficult

MNHQ
DawnMumsnet · 08/05/2016 20:27

Hi Florence,

We think it would be a good idea for us to move this thread over to our Pregnancy Choices topic. Hope that's okay with you.

Original poster
FlorenceMoore100 · 08/05/2016 20:29

@quicklydecides yes, to do with how she's developed not properly 😔 It's made it harder that I've had such little time to make a decision, but overall, even the doctor agreed it was better for her. I've been told it's painful, but some women say not, I think it's just nerves and jitters to be honest. I know the injection I'm having tomorrow stops her heartbeat, and I feel like a horrible person for this

OP posts:
Original poster
FlorenceMoore100 · 08/05/2016 20:30

@dawnmumsnet that fine sorry, I couldn't find the topic where to post this originally

OP posts:
Afreshstartplease · 08/05/2016 20:31

Florence if she would not have a good quality of life then she may be best off at rest atleast she will not be suffering for years to come Flowers

SeraOfeliaFalfurrias · 08/05/2016 20:32

I'm so sorry you're having to make this choice, Florence. The thing is, while no-one can know for sure if the foetus will feel any pain during the procedure, if she has these problems and was born alive, chances are her suffering would be greater. You're making what you are sure is the best choice for her. Hold on to that thought.

winchesterfan · 08/05/2016 20:32

I have no experience with this, but just wanted to say I'm thinking of you. I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision or quick to make. Flowers

Stars66 · 08/05/2016 20:32

What an awful decision to have to make, poor you. A friend went through something similar last year, and from her experience I would ask for an epidural as early as you can, as induction is often slower than a natural birth.
Make the room as mellow and relaxing as you can and spend time with your baby when she comes out.
Take care of yourself over this difficult time xxFlowersFlowersFlowers

Original poster
FlorenceMoore100 · 08/05/2016 20:33

Thanks for your answers and support, I appreciate it

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LittleHouseOnTheShelf · 08/05/2016 20:34

What Sera said. You can be sure that the doctors will do what they think is the best way to carry out the procedure with the minimum pain and discomfort to the baby. Be kind to yourself and make sure you have a lot of support around you for the time following the procedure. Flowers

PointlessUsername · 08/05/2016 20:35

What a horrid choice to have to make.
No advice op. Take care of yourself Flowers

nether · 08/05/2016 20:36

When it is TMFR, the 24 week limit does not apply, and if you need more time then ask for it.

Yes, the whole point of TFMR is the ending, and that is why a lethal injection is given, but AFAIK there is no reason to think it is any more painful to the baby than putting to sleep is for a beloved dog.

Is there a specialist bereavement midwife available to you?

sleepyMe12 · 08/05/2016 20:38

Hi florence I myself have had to make this heartbreaking choice. I was 27 weeks and baby had Edwards syndrome.
Like someone said up thread the doctors will make it as painless as possible.
Thinking of you all
PM if you have any questions

HeffalumpHistory · 08/05/2016 20:39

It is a terribly difficult thing for you to go through op Flowers
I hope you have good support around you. I'm sorry I have no advice but will be thinking of you Flowers

Original poster
FlorenceMoore100 · 08/05/2016 20:40

I had a brief counselling session with a woman before I had several tests (blood, anemia, positive negative). She talked me through it all and made sure it was a firm choice. I was asked if I'd like to name her, special requests, Ect, just wondering if anyone who's been through this has done that? Does it make you feel any better or worse?
I believe in having counselling sessions afterwards, to make sure I'm okay and such

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ShmooBooMoo · 08/05/2016 20:43

Do you actually want this baby but are in shock or worried about how you'll cope? Two weeks is not a long time for you to have been able to make a decision. Do you have family support?

meffhead · 08/05/2016 20:47

I have a disabled child.... Life is a little more complicated but he is great!
He has a friend who's parent were told to abort him at 36 weeks. They said he would die at birth, have no quality of life and only had half a brain!

This boy is now 11, goes horse riding weekly, has an amazing sense of humour, he can't walk and is blind .. But he is one of the most wonderfully funny and sharp little boys I've ever met!

Dr's are not always right !

Original poster
FlorenceMoore100 · 08/05/2016 20:47

It's more about her, she hasn't developed properly, she would probably suffer, and unfortunately not. Since we found out late, we didn't tell anyone, to current time, only us and my best friend knows. Haven't told them about the pregnancy or termination

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ShmooBooMoo · 08/05/2016 20:47

Sorry, not meaning to pry but I was wondering what 'unforeseen complications' means... You say you're devastated to have to terminate at this stage, and I see you have a partner (is he supportive either way?) Do you have other family?
Only having known for two weeks means you've had to digest a lot in a short space. Do you think you should have another counselling session or, if you haven't, speak to loved ones/ get advice. I feel awful for you.

Original poster
FlorenceMoore100 · 08/05/2016 20:50

I had brief counselling about "decisions to make" and got talked through basics. I feel horrible doing this, like actually killing a child, as she'd be alive (unlike a week old) and I'm having an injection to stop her heart. I don't know how to word it really. I'm more worried about her. Will she feel any of this?

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spaghettiWeston · 08/05/2016 20:50

So sorry you're having to go through this, Florence. There's an article from the Telegraph that may help a little, about research from the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists .

Really hope you're okay. Flowers

ShmooBooMoo · 08/05/2016 20:50

What Meffhead said: Doctors aren't always right and children with disabilities can often go on to have very fulfilled lives anyway.
Do you feel comfortable telling us what the medical issue is and how likely or badly they believe she'll be affected?

ShmooBooMoo · 08/05/2016 20:55

I honestly can't answer re pain, I'm sorry. Could you ask your doctor? You would probably be able to get an emergency appt tomorrow under the circumstances.
I would hope that an injection to stop the heart would have an immediate effect but I don't know. At this late stage, I'm wondering if it would make a great difference to ask for another week so you can make a fully informed decision and get some answers to your questions? I feel very sorry for you. It's clear you love this child and she's very precious to you, and you only want the best for her.