I want it, he doesn't.

[GalwayGal123]

Hi,
I found out just over a week ago that I am pregnant...I'm only 5 or 6 weeks...totally unplanned and I've only been with my boyfriend for 10 months. We don't live together although we would have planned to in the future.
I already have a ten year old DS, he has a 2 year old DD from previous relationships.
He does not want the baby, not one bit. But I do. All his reasons for not having it are ones I agree with...timing is wrong, situation is wrong, he already had an unplanned DD who he doesn't live with, we don't live together, he is in the process of moving house for work further away than he is right now, we haven't been together very long, we need to get to know each other better, enjoy time together etc etc. (And I know we should have used proper protection to ensure this didn't happen, but we got caught out and it has)
I agree with everything he says, but I'm the one who is pregnant and bonding and feeling emotional about it...I know a termination won't save my relationship but I really don't know what to do.
He says this is the worst thing that could have happened to him and if I loved him, I would have a termination because how could I have a baby with someone who doesn't want it.
I don't know what to do and it's taking up my every thought.

Good god he sounds awful. As bad as you feel now at least he has shown you his true colours and you know he cannot be relied upon for anything here. If you want the baby and don't want a termination then that's your answer, I know it's really really tough but you know that you can do this alone because you have before.

Counselling is a great next step if you feel that your real life network might not be able to be objective, but remember you are not alone.

You need to cut contact with him. You've made your decision. He's made his. There's nothing to be gained by keeping him around. You don't need to defend yourself or your decision to have the baby to him and that's all that will happen if he's in your life.

You need to focus on yourself. Counseling is a very good idea.

Good grief, it's an embarrassment to him?
What an absolute tosser, he's a total waste of space.
Whatever you decide op you're infinitely better off without him.

Yours is a very short lived relationship. And he obviously just doesn't think the time is right for a child. But even so you shouldn't be pressurised in having an abortion if you don't want one. Just go your separate ways. Don't think I'd like to be with a man who was so selfish and not willing to make the best of things when they've already happened.

Keep the baby, lose the man. You, hour new baby and your dc will be fine.

Best of luck OP.

Thank you for all your replies, as previous posters have said, the good thing is that I've been a single mother before and so I know I can do it again.
I just wish he wasn't being such an arsehole...what's the likelihood of him changing?

I think you really can't factor that in to your decision making. Don't build in any assumptions about him changing his mind later - he might do. But if he doesn't, you're left holding the baby. You need to start from that premise.

Frankly based on the things he has said over the last few days I don't see him changing his mind - but, as I say, factor that out for now.

Forget about him, he might change, he might not but plan to do this alone. You can do it, people do it all the time and you have done it before but don't count on him seeing sense, especially if he is behaving like this now.

Less likelihood than that I could stick my finger in the ocean and turn the tide.

You need to start considering him as a 'sperm donor'.

If I were you I'd block his number, delete him from your social media and treat him as if he doesn't exist.

Thank you so much for your replies X

he's not going to change! He's gone from one live in relationship to fathering a second unplanned child in a year, and now he wants the easy way out. Some of the things he is saying are unbelievably bad.

OK, it takes two but that means both take the responsibility. He doesn't want to do that. Time to write him off as a bad choice and move on. What's done is done.

imagine he no longer exists. In that situation, do you still want the baby? Make your decision on that basis, ignoring his existence and do not factor in financial support from him. Yes, I know he should but he may not.

whatever you decide; jettison this loser.

Not to mention the other women who had abortions for him.

Know that for a fact do you or are you you making things up?

There is no where that the OP has said this is the case.

'but this morning he woke up upset saying he's cried himself to sleep every night and if he could take me to a clinic today and get rid of it, he would. He says it's an embarrassment to him, and he knows it's his own fault. '

What a fucking asshole. Do not let him over again. Just don't. Because he sees every contact with you as a means to emotionally bully and manipulate you. His own child is an embarrassment to him? Who thinks that about their child? A fuckwit, that's who.

I'd tell him he needs to stay away, no matter how hard is it.