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Pregnancy choices

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Affair and pregnant

38 replies

Babealicious38 · 18/11/2015 12:00

My husband recently told he he had an affair. His rationale for telling me was because he wanted me and our family. He last slept with the OW on 5th September whilst she was on her cycle. He used withdrawal method. The OW is also in a relationship. She has since appeared and said she is pregnant, went to clinic last Friday for termination and the clinic told her she is nine weeks pregnant. Could this baby be my husbands??

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Moohoomeltdown · 18/11/2015 13:49

Just when I think I've read it all...

This woman is clearly unhinged. To be having sex with another man, while having a miscarriage...my mind boggles.

Your "d"h, well, there are no words to describe him. He doesn't deserve you or your lovely children that you brought into this world and raised. I hope he feels like a piece of shit every time he looks at their innocent faces.

I understand that you want to stay with him, work through it, that's absolutely your right and I wish you well. I hope you get what you need from the relationship. I see you don't want advice on this, so I'll say no more.

Came on to say...yes there's every chance it's his. I'm 15 weeks and first day of last period was 4th Aug. I'm not great at maths but I'm a month or so ahead of her and my date of conception must have been a month or so before hers...i think.

But OP, if you're sticking with him, why does it matter? If he told you beacuse he wants you and his family (well 2/3 of his children if he is the father) then why does it matter? I'd DNA as soon as possible. Can it be done pre birth?

Babealicious38 · 18/11/2015 13:52

Imperial blether the miscarriage was in September. The abortion clinic told her last week that she was 9 weeks pregnant. She found this out on Friday past and she phoned my husband on Saturday and basically said 'The clinic said I am nine weeks pregnant so it must be yours'
I was besdie him when he responded re the last date and using withdrawal???

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Babealicious38 · 18/11/2015 14:01

BTW thank yo all for the support. I am just trying to work through one thing at a time and this happens to be number 1. I need to get my head around the potential outcome for me and my kids if there is a baby in the mix before I think about the rest

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Helmetbymidnight · 18/11/2015 14:21

She could easily be lying couldn't she - about any of it - the dates and/or the clinic and even the pregnancy...just to reel him back in.

Stay strong OP.

Babealicious38 · 19/11/2015 15:26

Thanks Helmetbymidnight. Its hard

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AuntieStella · 19/11/2015 15:46

If she was 9 weeks pregnant last week, then the pregnancy would be dated as if LMP was around 7 September (taking the Monday as the earliest possible day in a week) and so ovulation at about 21 September.

So if your H is truthful, then it does look unlikely it would be his. For assuming the max typical sperm life of 5 days, conception would be at the latest 10 September and would therefore mean a (postulated) day zero of 27 August and a gestational length to last week of 11 weeks.

Only you can assess if your DH is lying (he may have told you the truth, but not the full truth). And if he didn't know about the miscarriage, you have only her word for it, and you have no reason to trust her veracity.

Also, if she is proceeding with a termination, it's all academic really. So you need not focus on it.

Babealicious38 · 19/11/2015 16:11

Thanks AuntieStella, thats helpful.
Who knows what she will do about this pregnancy and for what reason

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P1nkP0ppy · 19/11/2015 16:23

She had a miscarriage 5th September and he had sex with her then but that's 10.5 weeks ago, so how the hell can it be his? Who's baby did she miscarry, was that his too?

I think someone's being very economical with the truth personally, it's as clear as mud Hmm

NutCrackerSlacker · 19/11/2015 16:24

In all honesty, you cannot know until the baby is born and your husband has a DNA test. I know thats been said up thread, but honestly - just repeat that to yourself like a mantra, because its true and you will not get the resolution you're looking for until the baby is born (if she chooses to continue with the pregnancy).

If she is going to terminate anyway, I would try not to focus on her cycle and dates, and address the issue of your husband cheating on you and doing so without protection.

I also think those who are accusing the OW of lying should probably reserve judgement. The proven liar in this equation is the OP's husband.

I'm just thinking of a very good friend who was involved in a similar situation, but s the OW. Affair with a MM (well, he actually spun her the old 'we are separated' line), she ended up pregnant, he made her out to be a lunatic to his wife and gave a load of old guff about dates and how it couldn't possibly be his. He and his wife froze out my friend as a lying, unstable bitch and 'worked on their marriage', accusing my friend of being a liar because she refused to show him scan pictures or give him details of appointments (based on the fact he was a cunt).

Lo and behold, the child was born and it (he) was his. So much damage done.

Keep your dignity, OP, and focus on your husbands actions.

Babealicious38 · 19/11/2015 16:57

P1nkP0ppy she is in a relationship with someone else. She knew he was married as we live in quite a small area.

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Babealicious38 · 19/11/2015 17:00

NutCrackerSlacker I am not making her out to be anything. I just want to be making the right decision for me and my children.

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P1nkP0ppy · 19/11/2015 17:02

What a grubby mess, I really feel for you OP.

Babealicious38 · 19/11/2015 17:17

I know!!!!

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