Can't face an abortion but don't want a baby

[42andpregnant]

I have 2 DC with exH, aged 5 & 7. I've just escaped the most full-on part of child rearing and I've found out I'm pregnant.
Been with DP about 10 months. We're broke. I live in a tiny 2-bed house and can't afford to move. DP lost his job recently. We don't live together but DP's planning to move in soon. I love him, he loves me. He's great with my kids.
He doesn't want a baby and neither do I, but I feel really sad when I think about getting rid of it. He feels sad too.
I guess for him, it's not his last chance. He's 36 and could still find a fertile girl to reproduce with in 10 years time. But I'm 42. It probably is my last chance. But that's not a reason to keep a baby I don't want.
But what if we have an abortion and regret it but then can't have another?
I don't know what to do. I just feel desperately sad.

[Stroopwaffel]

It's good that you're feeling more sure of what you want.. Ive heard it suggested to write down all the reasons for your decision now to look at afterwards, as the hormonal fallout can make you feel dreadful in the short term until your hormones settle.

Hope it goes ok at your appointment.

[42andpregnant]

I had my consent appointment today and signed the forms. DP was with me and we were both pretty emotional. I got booked in for a termination tomorrow morning.
After the appointment we sat in a pub garden for a while and talked and cried. DP said "it's just not right," and I agree so we've decided to let fate take its course. If we end up with a child, we'll cope, somehow. It'll be bloody hard and I still can't think of a single logical reason to have a child but neither of us wants an abortion. I'm not sure it's the right decision but I think it's less wrong than the alternative.
Thank you all so much for your support.

[QuietIsland]

Wishing you all the best 42.

[swift13]

Wishing you both all the best. I'm sorry that you are feeling so conflicted. I hope that what fate decides is what you want x

[SirVixofVixHall]

Wishing you all the best op. A friend had unexpected twins and was in shock for months, she was a similar age to you and had older dcs, but the twins are lovely, they have completed the family somehow.

[Stroopwaffel]

Making the decision that you can best live with is all you can do.
It's such a lot to take in but at least you have a while to get your head around it.

Fwiw,my sister had an unplanned 3rd at 44, when her dc were similar ages to yours. I know anecdotes aren't really helpful but all worked out well in the end after the initial shock. She found it much easier third time around.

[42andpregnant]

Thank you for your kind words. I do feel a bit more positive. Although neither DP or I have any family nearby, we do have plenty of friends who will help out.
I'll need a childminder but, in many ways, that'll be easier than relying on rather infirm and unreliable grandmothers.
Also, my landlord has said we can move to a 3 bed he owns when the current tenants move out next summer. The rent's not much more and it's just down the road.
My great aunt had an unplanned pregnancy at 44, in the days when women didn't have much choice about these things, and had triplets! Somehow, she coped. So will I.
Thank you all for keeping me company during such a difficult time when, in RL, I felt very alone.

[SirVixofVixHall]

Unexpected triplets! That really does deserve a medal...

[Stroopwaffel]

Glad you're feeling more positive and things are looking up re your living situation too.. 9 months is a while and things can change a lot in that time, that was my experience during my unplanned pg anyway..

Hope all goes well for you and your family.

Triplets?! Hats off to her!

[Butterfly39]

Hi 42andpregnant,
I have recently found out I'm in a very similar situation as you were in and found your thread! I'm just wondering how your getting on and if you have any regrets about not going for the termination? Are you feeling more positive? This is an awful situation to be in and I just don't really know what to do for the best. xx

[justdontevenfuckingstart]

Zombie thread.

[ImperialBlether]

This is a very old thread, which might upset the original OP.

[justdontevenfuckingstart]

I've reported it Imperial.

[user1491457150]

Sorry for your going through this and hope it goes well.

[PhoenixJasmine]

ZOMBIE THREAD

But odd that it be re-animated (again?!?) by a user12345 poster, at a time when the organisation Life is being highly criticised in the news?

[Featherweather]

Hi OP,

sorry to hear. Am in slightly same shoes though I have no children at all. But the romantic idea of getting pregnant and the following total dread is the same. I am 42 as well. Big hugs to you. I posted my story (ambivalent, Please read my post) but nobody bothered to reply. :(

[Featherweather]

oops -
quite honestly you are making too big a deal of policies. Might upset original poster? Come on. We come here to write things out. So what uf we read it back,later? Is this a kindergarten or grown up people discussing hard decisions?