Thank you for telling me your story, QuickSilverFairy. I I had two children it would be so much easier to decide to have another one, but I have four... I started feeling like it was too many with my number 4.. I had her and coped but now it's all even more complicated..
It's great that you and your daughter's father are now married and that he loves his child. I wish I had certainty that my boyfriend will really be around as he says and will love his child too. He kind of assures me that he will be around but I dare not believe, probably because of my bad past experiences. His attitude towards this pregnancy, understandable as it is, is not helping me feel much secure in the relationship area neither.
He is a very good-hearted, caring man, though, and he loves his two dd very much...
Our relationship has been great, bar his commitment issues (which I also understand considering his situation). It has been by far the best relationship I've ever had and made me really happy, for the first time in my life (after many years of being abused first by my parents, then my ex husband, and then being played around with by my youngest child's father).
But I am concerned about how this baby's arrival would affect this relationship. On the other hand, if I terminate, I don't think I will be aqble to function normally and this relationship might not recover.. Though I would not want it to end..
In my case there is no possibility of getting married any time soon. First of all, he is still married on paper, though separated for over 2 years and adamant that he's never going anywhere near his ex again, and our relationship is totally known to everyone in our lives. Also, I don't even see us living together, so marriage is not an option. I don't think I would like us to live together in the current living conditions. I like to have some space and time to myself and I am quite tied up with my kids.
You worked, I don't. I don't have anyone that would support me financially, no family members would do that and my boyfriend might not be in a position to contribute very much. And I would be afraid to put this pressure on him because if I have this baby I would like him to see it in as positive light as possible.
Really, I just wish I wasn't pregnant at all... Trying to imagine having this baby and making it work feels like too much... I cannot get my head around it and find some way, some plan how to tackle it all.. It's all so scary and unknown... The only problem is how difficult, possibly impossible it is for me to make the decision to end my child's budding life and then go ahead and do it... And then live with it and cope with it... I imagine very possible regrets, flashbacks, images of the baby popping up in my mind all the time, the instinctive longing...
I feel like my life at the moment is the end of the world... I just wish I could turn the time back and be more sensible...