Do you think it's taboo to admit to actively controlling your weight in pregnancy?

[Anklegrinder]

I do! In my first pregnancy I put on about 18 lb in total. DD was born two weeks late at a very decent weight of 7lb and very healthy! This time round, given that that model seemed to work OK for all of us, I am pretty determined not to put on more than 18 lb and have been monitoring my weight throughout. I never go hungry and I eat a healthy diet, but I weigh myself every day and if I seem to be putting on weight a bit fast, I do take extra care for a day or two.

I suppose you could say that I am actively regulating my weight. To me, there's one quite good reason for this, which is that I have to work up to my due date (and probably beyond!) so really really don't want to get too big. Also, I really can't be arsed to go on a diet afterwards.

On the few occasions I have admitted this to anyone other than my husband, I have been treated to very great disapproval! The implication is always that I am potentially damaging my baby or even my own health. I am sure that I'm not, but it seems to be totally taboo to admit to doing this. The only reason I DO sometimes admit it is that people have a tendency to say, "you're so lucky, you don't put on weight blah blah, it's so unfair", and I sometimes think it's only fair to point out that in my case it's partly down to conscious effort.

Anyway, IS this a taboo subject do you think or am I just being weird? And if it is, is it just because I'm seen to be letting the side down because lots of people enjoy eating what they want during pregnancy? In which case, I totally understand the reaction and I admit here and now to being an obsessive control freak!

Well you do need to eat more than when you are not pregnant because of what your body is doing, but only 200 calories more. Weighing yourself daily sounds obsessive tbh. Deciding not to use pregnancy as an excuse to eat 17 doughnuts a day is just sensible.

I think that it is taboo but I also think that it's perfectly reasonable to make sure you don't put on too much although I have to be honest that unless you're very small 18lb sounds very little to gain.

I am 37 weeks on my third pregnancy and have just put on 2 stone which is my comfortzone. I eat what I need to eat but I don't use pregnancy as an excuse to pig out. If I were to put on 18lb I'd have to be seriously dieting in pregnancy, I don't think that I could put on such a small amount as a 7.5lb baby as my last were, plus fluids, placenta and boobs weigh more than 18lb but I know that at 2 stone I can still get my size 10's over my thighs and that after a couple of weeks I'll be about 1/2 more than pre pregnancy and will lose the rest through BF and then cutting back.

At the gain I've made at the moment I'm still running around like a nutter and only finished work last week. I know that if I put on more than another couple of lb I'll be seriously unhappy after the baby is born. I can't help it, it's the way I am so I do get where you're coming from.

If you lived in France where both my babies were born it would be a part of ante natal care - rigorously enforced. With my first baby I was referred to the dietician because I was thought to be putting on too much weight (can't remember the figures now) and given lots of tips on not gaining too much. I think talking about weight - whether it's pregnant women or obese toddlers in taboo in Britain.

I don't think how much you eat in pregnancy equates to the size your baby will be.My last baby was 10lbs 110z,and when the midwives saw my 6'4'' DH who is bult like a brick house,they could see why! My first DS was 9lbs 7ozbut he was very tall and thin.Some tiny people have big babies,and big or overweight people have small babies.I would think in your case you are talking about nutrition more than amounts of food.Certainly stuffing your face is bad-whether pregnant or not.You do need to eat more calories as has been pointed out.The growing baby need certain nutrients,protein,calcium etc.He will take it from your body,this could leave you with health problems in the future.
I don't mean to criticise you,but weighing yourself daily and obsessing about your weight even during pregnancy,it sounds to me as though you have a "thing" about your weight,which could be translated to your children and their relationship with food.Just a thought...But good luck with the pregnancy and birth besides.

i think eating healthily is key

weighing yourself everyday is over the top IMO

you need around 200 extra calories per day when pregnant - so a slice of toast and peanut butter would do that

you will gain weight differently at different times in your PG - for example in the third trimester you gain quite a lot as the baby grows more in preparation for being born but not so much at other times

i think dieting during pregnancy is not to be recommended but healthy eating is

I'm actively managing my weight - because I was quite overweight when I got PG, and so need to gain less. (Am in USA). I'm eating 200-300 cals extra a day, and sometimes (gasp!) I have a doughnut - but I'm trying to gain 20-25lbs extra, not 40lbs extra, because at my weight another 40lbs will cause me health problems (varicose veins, I have a bad knee, etc). It's a big part of my antenatal care here, and my (very non judgey) MW has been really helpful in offering ideas for good healthy, protein-and-iron-heavy small meals. I'm eating 6 meals a day and, frankly, loving it - but I'm trying to be careful to eat GOOD food when I'm hungry, and in small amounts, frequently.

My MW praised me at the 20 wk appt for gaining weight in a measured way. I'm not dieting and I'm not that fussed about it personally (from an appearance point of view it doesn't make any difference - I was already looking fat!) but I don't want to up my risks for Gestational Diabetes and I dont want to be an 'obese' patient who gets treated as high-risk (and therefore denied a natural birth) - so I'm taking it carefully.

I'm in France where you get told how much you should put on and you are expected to monitor your weight. French colleagues ask directly about the number of kilos you have gained. I was told I shouldn't put on
more than 16kg (about 35lbs). I've been pretty good this time round but spent my first pregnancy being scared by health professionals about the monster I was going to give birth to- I put on about 30k for a 3.6k baby. This time I've only put on 18k but the baby is expected to be bigger than my first....

I think there is a balance between ignoring weight and obsessing. Tbh though your target seems very low-even by french standards-why not find out what the Recommended target is for your pre preg weight? Every day weighing does sound obsessive (and not v accurate afaik)

Hello everybody! I would totally admit to having a slight thing about my weight but it is only slight! It stems from my teenage years, but I would say now (in my late thirties!) it is a thing that is part of me in a very sort of controllable way. In other words, I truly believe that there are no detrimental effects in terms of my mental or physical health, it's just sort of part of who I am in a very deep way. Against the backdrop of the so-called obesity epidemic, I do think it's interesting how if you admit to controlling your weight (and you're not fat), you're often assumed to have a borderline eating disorder, when in fact, you're just sort of controlling your weight in a reasonably healthy way!

I AM a small person by the way (5ft 4" on a good day) - although my husband is 6ft 7"!!!

Your point about how my attitude might affect my children is really interesting Whoopsidaisy, and one that I have thought about. The funny thing is, I think that because this is such a major part of me, it's not that noticeable. The consensus amongst friends and family for example seems to be that I eat quite a lot - and that's because, if I have a big lunch for eg, I eat a small supper, but I don't make a big thing about it. I never diet as a result, and whilst donuts aren't my thing, if I want a bar of chocolate, I have one. So whilst not complacent, I don't think my approach would affect my DD in a negative sense, and I think potentially it could be less damaging than someone who is on a constant diet, if you know what I mean.

Interesting re: the France stories, I've heard about their obsession over there with weight and found it very irritating. My reaction to someone telling me not to put on weight would probably be to do the precise opposite! Especially because I can't help thinking in the French case it has something to do with looking nice for your husband, just like BF is not encouraged because boobs are meant to be used for something else! I may have just made that up though, so apologies if I'm being unfair to the French.

But re: not enough weight gain, I'm not sure! I mean if I DO put on more, because I'm hungry and I eat, then fine, I definitely wouldn't diet. But with my prev pregnancy, I was fine, the baby was fine, I had loads of energy towards the end so ... I don't know! It seems to me that in my case I was quite fortunate because that 18lb was all baby and placenta, so I didn't gain or lose weight, I guess.

Interesting topic. I am still early days (14 weeks today) and find it frustrating to have my body change before my eyes and not be able to do anything about it! As I don't look pregnant I just feel chubby because all of a sudden I have a belly. I have to keep reminding myself that I am growing a baby and not fat!

The 200 calorie thing is true BUT only in the last trimester. You don't need any additional calories the first 6 months. But I have been ravenous so much of the time and eating keeps nausea at bay. I just try to make good food choices and am trying to stay active....

One thing I dont really understand is why you need the extra fat for you (when I saw the recommended weight gain in "What to Expect" it included extra fat reserves in additon to baby, placenta, extra blood, breast tissue etc)

I get why that would be important if you lived somewhere where food availability was sporadic as you'd have to be able to feed your baby without starving but I'm not sure why it's still important- do you need a higher fat percentage than the normal range to produce milk or something?

By comparison with France, I live in HK, have never been asked my weight by my Obs and she has never said anything about expected weight gain. I think most people here (just what I've gleaned) try to keep it to the lower end of the recommended band just because it's so hot and uncomfortable anyway.

Not sure if its taboo but considering it is just sensible people can be a bit funny about it.

I was a little overweight when I got pregnant and weighed less after the birth than before I got pg.

I have sympathy for those who put weight on because I did have a time - from 16 to 20 weeks - when my appetite went through the roof, its only luck that it was a short period if I had felt that way throughout then I imagine I'd have ballooned.

But yes, I did get a few snooty comments at the time.

I would say it's taboo in the UK, particularly compared to France as Usuallydormant has said (where it can go a bit too far the other way).

There is an element of envy to it maybe? If you don't put on lots of weight it somehow shames women who do?

I will be 19 weeks tomorrow and am currently starving all the time, and drawn to the wrong foods. I've put on about 3 -4lbs in the past 2 weeks which is clearly too much! So I pretty much envy the discipline of the OP. Providing you're eating a sensible amount and getting what nutrients you need I don't think it's bad to have stricter days after rapid weight gain. I just think listening to your body is key though -if you feel starving, do have aplate of pasta, not an tiny salad, etc!

i think eating as you did before, but perhaps with more of an eye to fibre & veg/fruit is fine. though i normally miss breakfast, and that makes morning sickness worse...i think eating to avoid sickness helos.

but yes the 'eating for two' thing is very ingrained, and saying you are watching your weight in pg is near unheard of in the UK.

I don't know if it's discipline really birdofthenorth! And I really hope this thread isn't coming across as a big smug, because that's not at all how it's intended!I think I'm probably quite 'lucky' in the sense that I don't tend to feel starving all the time during pregnancy, though I know a lot of people do. Apart from the first three months where I had to eat a lot to keep sickness under control. Usually though I don't have to control my appetite, I just eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full and that more or less seems to do the trick. Though a bit obsessive I'm not that disciplined to be honest, so if I WAS starving all the time I'd probably just eat. My little sister who has knowledge of my rather angst-ridden teenage years thinks that I've sublimated my hunger to such an extent that I don't feel it! I think she's talking rubbish of course!

I had terrible morning sickness for the first 4.5 months and I lost nearly a stone in that time. Once the sickness abated and I could eat, I was told by so many people to eat a lot to make up for not putting on weight in the beginning. The MW rubbished this and said that the major weight gain is due to baby, placenta, extra fluids etc. You don't have to actively eat with the intention of putting on weight, iyswim?

I think it is a sensible idea to eat sensibly and not treat pregnancy as an excuse to indulge. However, I am wary of the concept of giving yourself an upper limit of weight gain and reducing food intake to stay within that limit. I am very very uncomfortable with your 18lb limit.

I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping an eye on how much you're putting on, but I think actively 'controlling' your weight as you put it is going a bit far.

With DD I ate anything and everything and put on 3 1/2 stone. It took over a year to get to my pre-pregnancy weight, and then I got pregnant again!

This time I sort of set myself a target of trying to stay on course for putting on just the recommended 2 stone - I weigh myself about once a week. I still eat pretty much what I want, but I haven't over-indulged excessively like last time, plus I am a lot more active this time being a SAHM to a toddler. However if I put on more than I expected I don't restrict myself because of it. I'm 29 weeks now and have already got to 2 stone though, so I guess my plan didn't quite work anyway! New target 2 1/2 stone...

There's nothing wrong with eating healthily but don't deprive yourself of key nutrients and don't starve yourself. Eg last night I was hungry at 11pm despite having had a pretty big dinner - if I wasn't pregnant I would have ignored it, but because of bubs I had a bowl of shreddies!

I don't get the 'laying down fat' thing either. I'm not overweight but I have plenty or er, flesh, so no threat to the baby's survival.

Surely mother nature could fix it so that women with very little body fat might lay down a bit of a store, but woman like me who have quite enough already don't need to add more on?

This is an interesting thought - and yes, I think it is a bit taboo to admit to controlling your weight during pregnancy.

I think partly it's a matter of vocabulary. Someone who says they're dieting during pregnancy might get a negative response, probably because most people associate a diet with strict calorie control and weight loss. And there are some bonkers diet plans out there which would clearly be unhealthy during pregnancy.

But someone who says they are trying to eat healthily might get a better response. Even if, strictly speaking, they are doing the same thing - selecting food carefully for nutrition and to minimise weight gain, rather than just eating randomly or unhealthily.

That said... there are odd attitudes out there. Out with a couple of mates last week for a coffee, I had the choice between a muffin and a banana, and chose a banana. Because it was healthier and less pointlessly fattening [empty calories]. One friend really put pressure on me to have a muffin, using the old 'eating for 2' line, was very down on the fact that I was thinking about choices at all, and told me 'dieting' was bad for me (let's just remember, I was eating a banana instead of a muffin...hardly the Atkins or cabbage soup diet, eh). She's someone who struggles with her weight a bit, and I just thought - hmm, this isn't about ME or my pregnancy, is it.... I was caught a bit off balance, and I wish I'd had enough presence of mind to say, 'honestly, which do you think is genuinely better for me and my developing baby here??'

I've also had people almost tell me off for not having cravings ("you could eat a whole tub of icecream if you wanted!"). Well, sure, but it's not my job to live out someone else's wish fulfillment, is it?

And I think that's the heart of the problem. Women and our relationships with weight/food can be so bloomin' complicated, pregnancy can be a bit of a lodestone for all sorts of unhelpful attitudes and agendas.

So much of pregnancy is luck of the draw, anyway, and there's no fairness at all in who gets sickness, and who gets cravings etc. I know my life is a lot easier cos I've had neither of the above, and I have noooo smugness or misplaced sense of achievement about that - I'm just very, very grateful.

Ah - nearly forgot - in my local hospital, where you wait for your antenatal scans etc, there's a whole wall given over to advice about dieting during pregnancy for obese women. It actually says 'did you know you CAN lose weight while you're pregnant?' I admit, I was surprised when I saw it - but I've read all the recipes they have up there while I'm waiting, and they're all just v healthy eating. They do specialist recommendations to Weight Watchers, and advocate the 'syns' system. So there you go, that's in a midwifery led unit, so I guess they think it's OK!

I put on 17lb with DS (who was 7lb 2oz)- I didn't try and control my weight but weighed myself weekly and kept track of it against a graph of 'ideal' pregnancy weight gain to see how I was doing. I pretty much tracked a couple of pounds under the 'lower' weight throughout but then I am very short so didn't see this as a problem. I am currently 37 weeks pg and following a similar line although have lost some weight due to illness (currently have put on 12 lbs). Not sure if I would have resorted to dieting if I noticed things getting out of control but sure I would have reined in the choccie and cake!

ankelgrinder,

that barkfox lady is very sensible I think. I agree with all she says.
You need to change your 'spin' on it. If anyone asks you just say I eat healthily and I dont use pregnancy as an excuse to eat whatever I want.
I find it incredible the number of people who tell me I am too small and I should be eating more cakes.
While I completely agree with you that being pregnant doesn't mean you shouldn't still be concious about what you eat - You will know what your body needs to maintain a weight under normal circumstances. In pregnancy however, I wouldn't get tied up in numbers. Although you have been through it all before each pregnancy is different so you are dealing with a slightly unknown quantity.

If it helps I lost a pound a day without trying after my second. Breastfeeding and running round after a toddler. I lost so much it started to really age me round my face. I made a decision to overeat to get back to decent weight. Good luck

ace post, barkfox. I think you're right - the distinction between healthy eating and dieting is key.

On another board a while ago, I was responding to a thread about what things we might do differently in future pregnancies, and said that I "wouldn't stuff my face all the live-long day", which is pretty much what I did with my first. I was taken aback by the response I got - most people seemed to feel that I was being very hard on myself, that pregnancy is absolutely not the time to be concerned about weight gain.

But I put on 4 1/2 stone with my daughter, which, I was appalled to discover after the birth, had definitely not been "all bump". The 2-3 stone that wasn't bump certainly didn't "just fall off" either, and I had to buy all new, non-maternity clothes in bigger sizes. So my statement wasn't about self-hatred or anything, it was just bluntly pragmatic. As someone I know once said, "no-one needs a family-sized battenburg for breakfast". There's a balance.

I'm now 24 weeks into my second pregnancy and I'm definitely eating more carefully than first time around, eating when I'm hungry rather than just bored or fed up, and like SqueezyB am not averse to the odd moonlit bowl of granola.

Great post barkfox.