Do you think it's taboo to admit to actively controlling your weight in pregnancy?

[Anklegrinder]

I do! In my first pregnancy I put on about 18 lb in total. DD was born two weeks late at a very decent weight of 7lb and very healthy! This time round, given that that model seemed to work OK for all of us, I am pretty determined not to put on more than 18 lb and have been monitoring my weight throughout. I never go hungry and I eat a healthy diet, but I weigh myself every day and if I seem to be putting on weight a bit fast, I do take extra care for a day or two.

I suppose you could say that I am actively regulating my weight. To me, there's one quite good reason for this, which is that I have to work up to my due date (and probably beyond!) so really really don't want to get too big. Also, I really can't be arsed to go on a diet afterwards.

On the few occasions I have admitted this to anyone other than my husband, I have been treated to very great disapproval! The implication is always that I am potentially damaging my baby or even my own health. I am sure that I'm not, but it seems to be totally taboo to admit to doing this. The only reason I DO sometimes admit it is that people have a tendency to say, "you're so lucky, you don't put on weight blah blah, it's so unfair", and I sometimes think it's only fair to point out that in my case it's partly down to conscious effort.

Anyway, IS this a taboo subject do you think or am I just being weird? And if it is, is it just because I'm seen to be letting the side down because lots of people enjoy eating what they want during pregnancy? In which case, I totally understand the reaction and I admit here and now to being an obsessive control freak!

V kind of you.

It's a very knotty topic, I think - I do think women should be encouraged to eat healthily during pregnancy, and I think being aware of margins/general patterns of healthy weight gain doesn't hurt -

But there's an awful lot of pressure from all directions about weight gain/loss during and post-pregnancy, and I just think it's downright unfair. Being unhappy or anxious isn't good for health, whatever we're eating! I'll admit, I've just eaten half a packet of mini-eggs, and okay, that's a fair few empty calories, but I also had a brilliantly healthy lunch, and very much enjoyed both...

Interesting points here. I too get people telling me it must be great to eat whatever I like, and yes, to an extent, I have relaxed a bit and am not feeling guilty about eating.

I'm currently 22 weeks and have put on a stone - so I have a feeling by the end I'll have put on an awful lot! I'm hoping that my stomach will have less space soon so I won't be able to eat as much as I want. I am having a totally ravenous day today, simply can't stop eating, and while it's mainly been fruit, there have been crisps and sweets too... oops...

I am overweight to start with and asked my GP if I could watch my weight to the extent that I might not gain anything because I plainly have all the fat I need and if I do lose any weight it will be from me presumably and not the baby?

I wasn't going to go mad or really restrict things, I just wanted to count calories so that if a 'normal' woman needs 2000 a day I would eat 1800 and see how that went.

He told me I wasn't to do this, no way, and we had a chat about healthy eating etc. So I haven't even weighed myself since. I am still tempted though, I am 6+2 today and would make sure I ate very healthily, I like to think I know what I am doing!

to be honest, if we are talking about controlling weight gain there should be more mention of sensible exercise girls!!!! When we are pregnant we are creating another human being so a healthy, balanced diet should go without saying.

Good luck to you is all I can say. As long as you are healthy then I'm sure the baby is too.

Personally, I can't go longer than an hour without eating and unfortunately my body seems to be craving unhealthy foods. I wish I could be more concerned about my weight, mostly I'm just concerned with not throwing up. It's actually taken the fun out of eating junk food if I am honest

Anklegrinder - eating healthily is ok, but I would be careful about weighing yourself daily or restricting calories significantly if you think you've put on too much weight.

Weight fluctuates depending on water retention/clothing/time of day/how 'regular' you are... A daily weigh-in can be skewed by these fluctuations more so than a weekly or fortnightly one.

Thinking 'I won't have the starter because I was 2lbs up on the scale this morning' isn't good, and I'd be worried that daily weigh-ins indicate an unhealthy interest in your weight.

Obviously you know yourself best, but just from the small paragraph you wrote that would be my concern. Barkfox is right though, as a person with low weight gain so far myself I've been getting some people trying to forcefeed me chocolate so they can live vicariously.

I say throw out the scales too. Would you feel anxious without them? 18lbs is about the least weight gain recommended for a person of normal pre-pregnancy weight. Would you feel it was a disaster if you ended up gaining more? I'm the daughter of a mother who thought her very minimal weight gain during pregnancy was fabulous, and I have to say her overall attitude to weight was not healthy. The difference between healthy and unhealthy is in the attitude, not the pounds, imo.

No-one should embark on any kind of diet or food restriction, even occasional, in pregnancy without getting medical advice first and without monitoring.

I agree with Barkfox's post -- very insightful on our culture's lopsided attitudes to food and also to pregnancy, especially the 'lodestone' comment; this continues after you bring the baby home, sadly and annoyingly.

Regarding the laying down of fat -- there are different types of fat, created at different stages of pregnancy, stored in different parts of the body, and they serve different purposes. Fat has a relationship to hormones, milk production, brain development of the baby, all sorts of other functions.

OP - I'm same height as you and small build. Always under 8.5 stone pre pregnancy. I put on 2 stone with all pregnancies, didn't particularly monitor my weight (certainly didn't weigh every day) but I was careful not to overeat too. On the other hand, was careful not to eat too little, there are stages in pregnancy when you are hungrier than normal, and I think you have to go with it and eat a bit more. The 2 stone disappeared a couple of weeks after giving birth, bar around 5 pounds which lingered until I stopped bf. Anyway I know everybody is different and puts on different amounts but I do think that 18lb is very low - especially if you are small to start off with.

Hello all! Really interesting posts, they've given me plenty of food for thought (oh dear, terrible pun)! I really really don't think that what I do is food restriction. I absolutely never go hungry, I just try not to over-eat. Maybe there's a fine line between the two though.

I also totally admit to being slightly obsessive about my weight and yes, I would feel mildly 'anxious' without my scales, to the extent that if the current set broke I'd go out and buy some more! In fact, I do remember getting some new scales shortly after DD was born and bumping into a friend from NCT on the way back home and being mortally embarrassed to admitting what was in the bag! I felt terribly shallow!

Having said that, I think I'm very very far from an eating disorder. If (and probably when) I gain more than my 'target' this pregnancy, it would be slightly annoying but it certainly wouldn't be a disaster. Also, I feel so sure that my baby is getting all the nutrition that it needs and I am very glad that I am not waddling into meetings with a huge bump. Actually, there's another interesting thing (to me anyway) there, which is I work in the City. I'm also working on a project with a deadline about the same time as I am due and I actually don't want people to know how pregnant I am, because I don't want them to make judgements on that basis. Partly with regard to timing, but also I know that people do make assumptions, such as that you're less rational/more hormonal (I've had comments!). So I would also admit that part of me is happy not to be too big because I just don't want my pregnancy to be a big issue at work. If that makes sense. But again, I would NEVER put my baby at risk with that thought in mind.

I agree with all the comments about lopsided attitudes to food in our culture. One of the things I find especially interesting generally is that if people are overweight (and don't want to be) there is never any hint that they have a disorder, it's just considered kind of what happens. Whereas if you are slim (which is sort of associated with being healthy although I know there isn't a direct relationship) and known to make some sort of effort to remain so, then it's often associated with having some sort of a problem.

But I fully appreciate that what I've written in this and previous emails might give mixed messages on this subject!

Anklegrinder - I think how much you put on also depends on what you weighed before - ie height to weight ratio. I had my first baby just under 4 months ago. I am 5ft 6 and weighed 8st5lbs and had a bmi of 19 I think. Which is the lower end of "normal". I don't do exercise, apart from walking around generally - and eat what I want (including too many crisps and chocolate etc to be terribly healthy!) So I am lucky to be naturally slim. But I also know that I don't eat much at any one time - I tend to graze and I know I don't overeat - have a fairly small appetite - so I usually eat less than everyone else when out for dinner for example, simply because I am full.

I put on about 2 3/4 stone when pregnant - I just couldn't stop the weight gain - not that I tried. I was a bit hungrier than normal so ate a bit more but didn't eat excessively at all. It was as though my body just wanted me to put on extra fat to support the baby etc. I weighed about 9st5lb about 2 weeks after the birth and since then the weight has just come off - I am not breastfeeding due to problems (I was expressing until 4 weeks). I now weigh 8st10 so a few lbs to lose but I eat what I want and still do no exercise apart from walking. I think my body just needed the weight and I am getting back to my natural weight.

Anyway sorry to bang on - 18lbs does sound like not very much esp if you are slim but if that is what you put on then that is it! And I think although taboo then maybe it is okay to control your weight as long as eating properly and healthily. I would have actually been hungry (and miserable) had I not eaten when I was, especially given that is how I normally eat.

I used to work in the City too and understand re the bump but don't get too worried about it and not eat as a resultof not wanting a huge bump. With my 2 3/4 stone I had a small bump - measuring 2 cm small. And everyone still said I looked really slim - I, of course, knew how much weight I had put on but everyone was v surprised when I told them. I wasn't very keen on the amount of weight as I don't think about it at all usually - in fact I thought about it much more (but didn't diet) whilst pregnant! So I can completely see where you are coming from too...

Hi Kingsroadie! You sound very like me actually, in that I don't really have to think about my weight when I'm not pregnant -I seem to struggle to keep it on sometimes rather than the other way round. I had a BMI of about 18 when I got pregnant, I was 7st 10lb and I'm 5ft 4". I was actually trying to put on weight at the time and went to the doctor and asked if it was a problem in terms of conceiving/supporting a pregnancy (I had just had a very early miscarriage). He laughed at me and said I was well within the normal range! I was a bit embarrassed to have made a fuss!

I am taking on board the message though that 18lb may be not enough! To be honest, I still have 2.5 months to go and am only 4lb off that 'target' so suspect that it will definitely be more in any case, seeing as the last trimester is when the baby is gaining the most weight. Anyway, I'm going to see the midwife today so maybe will mention the weight thing to her and see what she says. She has never seemed remotely bothered about the size of my bump, never measured it or anything, in this or my previous pregnancy when if anything I was smaller than I am now.

And with regard to those people in the City, yes, I shall just have to look pointedly at their paunches if I suspect any negative assumptions are being made relating to the size of my belly!

Interesting thread, I had ds in Dec and I gained 2st from 7st 7 as my weight on the same day as I got my bfp.

I weighed myself weekly and really only ate pretty much what I'd usually eat pre-pregnancy, with a seasonal extra of a mince-pie every day for the last trimester . I had a small bump but ds was 6lb 4oz and small rather than thin iyswim. For me the weight dropped off, after 6 weeks I had only half a stone left to lose and now I'm back to pre-pregnancy weight. I have not dieted at all, just ate normally.

Personally I'm surprised at your target weight gain being so low iyswim but you had a healthy baby last time so I can see why it seems reasonable to you. I would also say that for many women pregnancy is seen as a time when they can gain as much weight/eat whatever they like without negative comments so for you not to do that may seem as if you are disapproving of their choices and perhaps actually removing that opportunity for them.

I started off trying to control my weight. I was following ww but taking in the recommended calories for a pregnant woman, I wasn't trying to lose weight.

Unfortunately I have a tendancy to pile on the pounds in pregnancy and my calorie controlled diet had little effect.

I am huge, I am completely bloated all over, my face is like a huge moon. I have water retention and can't put on any shoes, it is depressing, I must have put on around 3 stone or more but I am too scared to get onto the scales as I don't want to face the truth. I don't blame you for wanting to control your weight I just wish I could do the same.

When I had my first son I weighed myself on the day I went into hospital and I weighed 11.9, 3 days later when I came out I weighed myself again and I was still 11.9 which is a miracle as I didn't have any meals whilst in hospital. I weighed myself a few days after and I was 12.9! My water retention was at its worst then. My midwife told me to relax and to weigh myself 4 weeks after the birth, when I did I was 11stone. It was soul destroying to realise that although I was no longer carrying a baby I was still carrying most of the baby weight.

Once this baby is here I will be going to ww classes and starting a fitness regime as soon as possible. I won't be having any more children so at least this time when I lose the weight I will know that I won't be putting it back on again.

Totally agree with that LaDiDaDi. But that's why I wouldn't want this to come across as smug, at all, or that I disapprove of anything anyone else does!

Also, as an aside, I wonder whether I carry relatively less water than some people which contributes to less weight overall? When they broke my waters, I definitely don't remember it being the gush that some people talk about! A friend of mine is a similar size and she had MASSES of waters and was much bigger, but was back to a similar weight afterwards (not, honestly, that I discuss this endlessly with my friends, I really don't). I think I am starting to come across as a complete loon!

PS Same friend also felt almost no pain in labour!!!! So I have a theory now that more water = less pain. I wonder if drinking loads would help!

I really hope you are right on your theory that more water = less pain. Looking like a weeble might be worth it if I can have a pain free birth!

Exactly! There is an upside! Although seriously, I sympathise Dollshouse, water retention must be horrible.

I do think that the waters thing might be true to a point, because once they break your waters isn't that when the pain gets worse for a lot of people - ie the 'cushion' effect gets taken away? As far as I know, I never have a cushion effect, it was agony throughout! And my poor DD came out with cuts and bruises all over her head where it had been crashing against my cervix for nearly 30 hours! Ouch. For both of us!

Ankelgrinder - I think I retained some water in my body but didn't have much in my tummy -my waters never really went and there was never much at all - they tried to "break" them but nothing happened - I think they had already broken but not much had come out!

However, my labour wasn't that bad - I got to hospital at 7am and 5cm dilated, having been in labour since the evening before and not even realising - I only realised at about 5am when I went to the loo about 10 times in half an hour and contractions were then 2mins 20secs apart and lasting a minute... I did request an epidural when I got to the hospital which arrived at 8am (and at about 6cm) so I can't comment on the rest! . So there is hope!

Yes, can see how others might be annoyed at thinking you are trying to keep the weight off when they are eating lots and lots and that you are therefore disapproving of them... (secretly perhaps they are jealous as they wished they had the willpower to do the same? )

This is an interesting thread. I think that if you continue to eat healthily, have enough calories and generally eat when you are hungry, all should be fine. Presumably your health professionals will tel you if you are not gaining enough?
Personally, I can't ever really actively manage my weight, especially not during pregnancy! I had anorexia for over a decade (but am now fully recovered, many hospital stays later) - its not an issue at all now (and I am certainly healthy as I am now pregnant, after about 7 years of no periods in the past!) but I would be very wary of "watching my weight" by actively restricting what I eat. Luckily for me, I found that when I recovered and ate normally (and, unusually for an ex-eating disorder patient, I genuinely do eat normally), my natural weight is/was steady at a size 10, bmi 20, so I suppose I have it easier than some. I have been weighed quite a lot so far this pregnancy (because of my history) and I just leave it to the pros to tell me if I'm gaining enough etc (apparently I am normal so far - 4lbs in the first 3 months, but I am aware its about to pile on!)
BUT, if I didn't have my history/background, I think I would be comfortable with "keeping an eye" on my weight. I think that some women, who apparently don't have eating disorders, very heavily restrict what they eat (always order salads and a diet coke etc) and the obvious result of suddenly stoppping that restriction during pregnancy is to gain a lot of weight, quite fast. Surely the best way is to eat healthily in the first place (i.e NOT restircting, just eating plenty of whole foods etc) and continue that throughout the pregnancy, with the odd extra healthy snack to stave off morning sickness as and when.
Something I learnt over the years is that our natural weight (i.e. if we don't eat unhealthily, taking unhealthy to mean both too restrictive or too much of the wrong stuff) is very deeply written in our genes. There is not much you SHOULD do about altering your genuine natural weight, provided you eat healthily, and I assume the same goes for weight during pregnancy. Some women will gain more, some will gain less - its not really a big deal!

This is a really interesting thread - and it's made me realise that I am in complete denial about weight gain issues. I am 33 weeks now and have completely refused to be weighed in pg (my consultant seems OK with this). I know that I started at 8 stone (I'm small generally) but I think I'd depress myself if I weighed myself... People do say 'oh, you're very neat' etc. but I know that as a slim person to start with I've built up fat stores in the thigh/arse area and I don't feel the need to know how much! My midwife has promised to let me know if I look like I have gained too much!!

Is that how I'm coming across secondcoming? It's not how it's meant, I promise. I started this thread out of genuine curiosity about what people thought of the subject and to see if anyone felt the same way. I'm certainly not looking for attention - I thought I was just having a conversation! Re: my controlling behaviour and the scales - I didn't love it, that's just a bit weird. I felt embarrassed that I had been caught out thinking in terms of vanity when I felt that perhaps I should have been being a bit of more earth mother about the whole thing! But that's because I'm a conformist and I wanted to fit in with other people (and make friends at NCT)!

Your response sort of proves my point that if you admit to actively managing your weight under any circumstances people DO invariably think you've got a 'disorder.' Our society is so screwed up about this. Slim (and I'm slim in normal life, not really thin) is good but also bad but good but .... etc.

I have admitted throughout that I'm a touch obsessive, I'm like that in other areas of my life as well, not just weight. It's how I'm made. I can honestly say though that I don't have an eating disorder (having been borderline throughout my teenage years I do have experience of this). I don't know if my attitude towards food is absolutely 'normal', although I would suggest that eating when you're hungry and stopping when you're full is relatively straightforward. As I keep saying, I never go hungry, so this is not really a question of will power fortunately for me as I don't have that much. I don't know how many people in our society today do have a totally 'normal' attitude towards food. My sister (as an example) feels that she often over-eats despite the fact that she'd really like to lose a few pounds, and she finds that quite difficult. Nobody would ever suggest that she's got a disorder!

Phew, what a ramble. Anyway, I just saw the midwife and had a chat with her about my weight gain, size of bump, etc. She couldn't have been less interested, said fundal height was exactly what she'd expect and changed the subject. I trust her.

I'm very curvy, in all the wrong and right places, and I worry about my weight, but only cos I've fought tooth and nail to lose weight after piling on the lbs with and after having DS. (who is now nearly 7). At my heaviest ever, I was nearly 115kgs

I was a size 14 before I fell pg with him, and I suspect that even if I did ever get down to my pre-preg weight (about 11st) I would be a definite 16. At the moment I'm averaging somewhere between a 16 and an 18, but that depends on what I'm wearing as much as anything.

What doesn't exactly help that I have a generally low metabolism, combine that with thyroid issues and low bp, and it's hard to keep up!

I have an inkling I've lost a few kgs with my current pg because of m/s, but my scales are useless... they say I'm clocking in at about 82ish kgs, but I know they're fibbing, as I weighed 92kgs last friday at the hospital

I have no idea how much I weighed at the beginning of my pg, but I suspect it was about 95kgs as I was that before xmas, put a bit on (as you do!) and then lost a bit after.

At the end of the day, if I could keep my post-birth weight to less than 100kgs, I'd be happy. But not distraught if it was over that. I weighed much more than that after DS, and well, here I am, lighter. I've done it once, I can do it again.

(btw I'm 5'6, and have no idea what my bmi is - how bad am I?! )