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Original poster

Am I being ungrateful - 2nd hand baby stuff

34 replies

WaddlingAway · 14/03/2010 20:21

Have changed name for this in case I'm recognised.

3rd baby due in May, unplanned (but welcome) so we'd got rid of all our baby stuff.

DH's cousin has offered some stuff as youngest is now 2 (they've been trying get rid of it for a while), however they smoke. Whilst they doesn't smoke in the house I'm sure the smell must travel, they live a couple of hours away and I haven't been to their house so can't be sure.

Am I being ungrateful? We could do with saving the cost but I'd rather buy second hand from a non-smoking house.

Also, how do we refuse? I'm already seen as "high'n'mighty" as we decided to keep wedding small (long story!). Would it be really unethical to accept the stuff and than freecycle? The chance of them bothering to visit is very, very slim so they'd never know.

Sorry it's long. Thanks!

OP posts:

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whomovedmychocolate · 14/03/2010 20:25

Is this clothes (if so the smell will wash out), if it's not, febreze and putting outside in the sun for the day will do it. But I too would not put any child of mine in anything that honked of fags.

sparkle12mar08 · 14/03/2010 20:28

Just wash it. Problem solved...

mummydarlingsausage · 14/03/2010 20:29

If you would rather go ahead and buy from a non smoking house then you should and then just tell your dh's cousin thank you but actually we don't need such and such as a friend has kindly given it to us already.

(i'm not one to lie usually but i think a white lie to save someones feelings is okay!)

Original poster

WaddlingAway · 14/03/2010 20:29

Thanks whomoved. I don't think there are any clothes; moses basket, travel cot, bouncy type chair and some other odds and end. All of which I suppose could be blasted in the sun for a bit. Something to think about.

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 14/03/2010 20:30

hmm i have to say i'd be very wary.
smokers stink in general, even if they don't smoke indoors. it will be on their clothes and everything and thus on baby stuff

no way i would put my baby to sleep in a smokey moses basket, even if it had been washed.

Original poster

WaddlingAway · 14/03/2010 20:31

sorry x-posted. Thanks sparkle and mummydarling. Guess I am being a little precious last born

OP posts:

yellowcircle · 14/03/2010 20:34

I agree with mummydarlingsausage - you should tell them a friend has given you a load of stuff and so you don't need any more.

I wouldn't put a newborn in smoky clothes, regardless of whether they had been washed or not. The idea of putting febreze on newborn clothes horrifies me as well (sorry whomovedmychocolate), I thought that it just consists of large molecules which "swallow" up the smelly molecules to prevent them from smelling. But the molecules from the febreze and the smell remain on the clothes, albeit not actively smelling. After a few months, the smell molecules get released again I thought. Perhaps I am nutty. I'd get some basic babygros from asda if I was in your position or see if any friends have any stuff you could use.

sparkle12mar08 · 14/03/2010 20:35

Okay for the stuff that's not clothes and can't be washed, if it's hard plastic I'd wipe down with a milton solution, but if it's stuff that can't be washed or wiped (and the travel cot & moses basket would fall into that category I think), then I'd place outside on a windy day for 24 hours and see. If still smelly I'd charity shop or freecycle. I would not put my baby in anything that still smelt of smoke after that.

yellowcircle · 14/03/2010 20:36

oh sorry, just seen it is kit, not clothes they are giving you. Even so, I'd go without the stuff in preference to using smoky stuff.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 14/03/2010 20:37

I doubt the stuff would honk of smoke if they don't smoke in the house. My dp smokes (outside only) and nothing in our house smells of smoke. I'd know, I find the smell really disgusting, it turns my stomach.

I'd say accept the stuff gratefully, then check it all over and wash everything you can. Worst case scenario you can pass them on or dump them, as they will never know.

Original poster

WaddlingAway · 14/03/2010 20:39

Range of views as usual for mumsnet! Think I will stick to my guns and put off this stuff. Time for a few white lies I guess.

OP posts:

Eddas · 14/03/2010 20:40

i'd do what mummydarling suggested. A small white lie that you've been given bits by a friend already, they just brought it round without checking so thanl you but we don't need it now.

Or if you accept it then I would have no hesitation in freecycling/charity shop.

FYI, boot fairs are a great place to buy lovely baby bits and they start again soon

Eddas · 14/03/2010 20:40

i'd do what mummydarling suggested. A small white lie that you've been given bits by a friend already, they just brought it round without checking so thanl you but we don't need it now.

Or if you accept it then I would have no hesitation in freecycling/charity shop.

FYI, boot fairs are a great place to buy lovely baby bits and they start again soon

JamieJay · 14/03/2010 20:42

I would have to say no to smoky stuff - I work with some smokers and their desk area always smells of smoke even though have to go outside to smoke.

And there isn't exactly much fabric in the normal office desk so it's hard surfaces holding the smell!!

LadyBiscuit · 14/03/2010 20:44

If they don't smoke in the house, then it's highly unlikely the moses basket will smell of smoke FFS.

Non-smoking house on ebay means exactly that - that people don't smoke in the house, not that no one who lives in the house is a smoker.

God the level of hysteria around smoking on MN is absurd sometimes.

Lovethesea · 14/03/2010 20:49

I would not take it - just not worth stressing about it.

My FIL smokes outside their house, but anything my MIL sends down for our DD (usually charity shop bits she has washed for us) smells of smoke. I always have to rewash the clothes before I can use them - they pick up the smell just from drying around their house because FIL carries it with him although he smokes in the garden.

Clothes I am ok with because DD is over a year now and a washing machine is thorough - I wouldn't risk a moses basket personally as I'd be worried about SIDS.

MumNWLondon · 14/03/2010 21:33

Clothes are fine can wash.

Moses basket I'd be wary about.

Bouncy chair /travel cot you can scrub.

But second hand stuff from non-smoking house on ebay could also be stuff where a parent smokes outside - unless you buy new or get from someone you know how can you tell?

KatnKankles · 14/03/2010 23:34

My friend and her DH came over with their baby this weekend, they both smoke, neither in the house but the baby/them/stuff all stunk of fags, t'was horrible (and I am an ex smoker). I think because they both smoke heavily.

I think the smell would go away if in your house for a little while and washed.

They brought me a moses basket which is a bit stinky but I still have 8 weeks til baby comes and Ill be happy to use it once its washed and aired a bit.

peppapighastakenovermylife · 15/03/2010 09:17

Whatever anyone else says you have to go with your instinct and how you would feel here.

Personally I would not. Unless you are literally going to have nothing for the baby then my own paranoia would stop me.

However I am a bit precious about babies and smoke whilst probably doing other things people would be in horror about . It comes down to whether you would be comfortable about it or would always have it at the back of your mind.

StrikeUpTheBand · 15/03/2010 09:30

I too am a bit about the levels of hysteria. If you'd said that they smoked in the house, I'd understand the reactions. I doubt they smoked in the same room as the moses basket EVER, so why would it small of smoke? Something that is unlikely to have had extended bodily contact with either parent is unlikely to smell of smoke, is it?!?

My DP smokes outside too. I've never smoked, and would never advocate him holding DD until he's changed his clothes, washed his hands thoroughly and then waited for about half an hour, but I'd still say that some of that stuff would be fine and it was nice of them to offer in the first place IMO. Obviously, if you're never going to feel right about it then maybe do as others suggested and a little white lie will save their feelings.

sungirltan · 15/03/2010 09:48

i'd be inclined to agree. i have no issues with 2nd hand stuff but i don't fancy smoky stuff and sounds like a lot of work to get rid of the smell.

i got stuff from sure start table top sales and also nct have 'nearly new' sales where i live every now and then too if that helps.

porcamiseria · 15/03/2010 14:49

Oh FFS if they dont smoke in the house , there wont be any problems! anyway you can wash it, and as a matter of course should anyway

take the stuff, I bet you it wont smell, and if it does, get rid. But I bet you it wont

porcamiseria · 15/03/2010 14:52

god the hysteria

someone having a fag in their garden will not make a babygro smell of ashtray!!!!

i want a fag now

whomovedmychocolate · 15/03/2010 20:09

Sorry to disillusion you garden smokers, but the fact that you smoke in an open space does not detract from the smell that you carry around with you and which goes all over everything you touch. I'm serious. It's not going to be popular to say this but honestly, non-smokers can smell you long after you've gone and if you live with a smoker, you do become unaware of it after a while (and I speak from personal experience).

And yes the smell lingers. I have a temp at work who sat on my couch for an hour after working four hours straight in another room. He hadn't smoked since the walk from the car park first thing that morning. My couch still stinks.

VKschmeekay · 15/03/2010 20:17

Am also in the camp of telling the white lie that a friend has given you the relevant bits if you don't want the things.

However, I must say one thing about the smell of smoke that people are harping on about... I smoke about 2-3 cigarettes a day. In my living room after DS has gone to bed. Not a single person I have ever come into contact with has realised I smoke. In my house or outside. In fact, most people are extremely surprised to find out I smoke and follow up by saying that they are that surprised as I, nor my son, nor my dwelling ever smells.

And I am not deluded or being lied to before anyone starts

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