Thread for those pg with second baby, pleased but terrified...

[Scotlian]

...of having to go through pregnancy and labour again; of not being able to cope with a baby and a toddler at the same time; of having 2 in nappies until at least 2012; of losing this baby if it's still early days...

And I'm sure there's lots more. I though I'd start a thread for us second timers as all most books/threads seem to be for excited fist time mums who have the TIME to sleep when tired, spend hours online, go for pregnancy pampers, spend days shopping for pregnancy clothes.

I'm 7 weeks preggers, due in October 2010. Ds will be 18 months by then

Aaaaaaah!

My DD2 is two weeks old. DD1 is 22 months.

Having a baby and a toddler is GRRRRRREAT (so far anyway).

I had a lot of misgivings whilst I was pregnant and was quite worried about how I would cope.

The thing is, it's not at all the same as the first time. You aren't doing it for the first time, you have lots of experience and dealing with a newborn is a piece of piss compared to the joys of a headstrong toddler.

Just my experience anyway, but I'm really loving being a mother to two. I found the early days a bit of a grind first time around, but this time I'm actually enjoying most of it. It's tiring, but it's less tiring than being pregnant with a toddler (which, I won't lie, is a bit of a trial at times).

I am currently 31 weeks pregnant with no. 2, DS will be 2.5 yrs when baby makes appearance.
At the moment all my worries are focussed around the birth.
Had "good" labour and birth with DS (though he was 6 weeks early so then in NNU). My main concerns are:
That this baby will also be early - and in need of care.
That this baby will be late - and bigger!!
That this baby has a larger than average head circumference
That i have a low lying placenta
That baby is currently breech

I haven't even started to worry about how I'll cope afterwards - that's a whole new set of problems that I'll address when I give birth!!

I am nearly 15wks with #2 and go from being very excited to petrified to dreading it.

DD will be 2.9 when baby arrives, and has recently started the screaming tantrums out in public (fine at home) and i have gone from worrying that i would love baby #2 nearly as much, to worrying that i will love it more because it doesn't have screaming temper tantrums.

It's desperate, isn't it? How the worries swing so wildly between extremes. Currently I am fiercely resenting being sick most mornings, but also terrified in case I don't feel sick cos that might mean I'm losing the baby Gargula, I know what you mean about the head circumference worry . Alice - maybe DD will be over the tantrums by the time no.2 comes? Is there a "hopeful" emoticon?

Skidoodle thank you thank you for words of comfort from The Future. I HATED the first months. Ds was a monster feeder and never slept more than 3 hrs straight for 6 months Trying not to think what it'll be like if this one is the same...

Congrats....!

DS1 has just turned one and I'm 15 weeks with DC2.

I keep getting lots of comments along the lines of '2 under 2 - you won't know what's hit you' - and I know it's going to be fairly hideous for a while, but it's not forever.

I am also sure that I've completely forgotten what a newborn is like, and what to do with them - even though my little one is only one. For example, I was saying to DH that I am dreading getting breastfeeding established again - I am still b/feeding DS1 and yet I'm worried that I've forgotten how to do it!

As with everything, I think the anticipation will be much worse than the reality.

congrats! hope you have a healthy pregnancy!
i am 37 weeks with number two, and DD is 20 months so there will be 21months between them. I wont lie, i have found it very hard being pregnant and having a toddler, BUT i have also found it has made this pregnancy seem so fast! I've had 2 miscarriages so its been a blessing not worrying all the time about this PG as i just dont have the time! I am worried about how Ill cope with two, but thanks skidoodle for your post it has reassured me!!
I am of course terrified of the birth as i know what to expect this time round (think last time i was i under the impression it wouldnt hurt that much...) but i know it doesnt last forever and will have a beautiful baby after.
good luck!!

I feel much calmer this time around. Used hypnobirthing with DS1 and have been doing the same since the start of this pregnancy. It is all quite different but also very much the same if that makes any sense.

Really look forward to labour so I can perfect my technique.

Can I join you ladies?

I am 26.5 weeks with DC2 and DD will be 22mths when its born.
I "think" it will be mostly OK as DD is usually pretty good and helpful and so far adores bump.

Have had the odd Bad days of feeling rough and having to deal with a very stroppy 18mth old! So hoping as others have said that a newborn is easier.

Im dreading the birth again though! Had a hideous time with DD so really hoping for an easier time with this one.
I was induced with DD as she was 2 weeks late which makes this one feel like my first as I dont know what will happen if I go naturally. Ie how quick, painful etc
Also worry about childcare arrangements for DD as all our family are an hours drive away.

I too get lots of comments about "oh your'll be busy" and "oh your brave!"

Oh I can completely agree with all of you! Currently 34 weeks pregnant with number 2 and DS is 17 months....

Absolutely freaking myself out on how I'm going to breastfeed the newborn and try to entertain my toddler! He's getting very needy and just wants constant attention and complete temper tantrums erupt when those needs aren't met. Also have absolutely no clue how I'm going to get out of the house with two kids!

I've been getting the same comments ziggurat and pigleychez. Soooo annoying! It's usually coupled with "you weren't planning that age gap, were you?" Actually we were! I just say that I like being busy and what a better way than with two little kids?

I've started saying to friends and family who make Those Comments "well, you'll just have to take ds1 out a lot to help me (sweet innocent smile)". Either they'll help out or shut up, you'd think?

BellasYummuMummy sorry to hear about your miscarriages...had never seen the angle that running about after toddler will make pregnancy no.2 go much faster, thanks!

Mortloth, can you tell me more about hypnobirthing? Whan I first came across it I misheard "Hippo Birthing" so can't shake some very strange images from my head How did (does) it work?

Pigleychez, the childcare one is really tricky. Be interested to know how you resolve it. My family are abroad, DH's are in central belt Scotland, we moved to VERY remote Scotland when ds as 3 months. It is beautiful here but we are now kicking ourselves for making things so much harder on ourselves in terms of support, and we're actually considering moving back South, although the very idea of a removal with ds+bump makes me shudder...

Bringonthetrumpets I expect the toddle will trash the place while baby is breastfeeding. Grim resignation reigns.

Can I join in too? Am 10 weeks along and my daughter will be 2 and 9 months when this one arrives. I also fling from thinking all be fine to thinking will be total disaster and that my gorgeous girl will forever resent us for bringing someone else into her perfect world.
I think I worry as having siblings myself has definitly harmed me more than benefitted me and I so want her to have a different experience and for them to be close but how can I even start to make that happen? I was rejected by both my siblings for my entire childhood and it has taken me until my 30's to gain back some self esteem and to realise that I am not an awful person.
Sorry for heavy rant!

hiya can i join...i got a faint positive this morning my DD is 7 1/2 months and will be around 17months when new baby is born. i had pnd with the first and post traumatic stress caused by my labour and emergency section. i am very happy i'm pregnant again however i am terrified at the same time. i'm worried about money, how i'll cope and if i'll suffer from PND again. I also feel guilty as if i've let my DD down as she wont be the only one needing my attention i'm very mixed about this. Also i'm worried about what my family will say as my in laws have told me on a number of times to wait until DD is 4 before having another one. i think my mum will be fine with it but worried about people judging me and DH, even tho I was on the Pill and didn't have a withdrawl bleed so thats what made me believe i was pregnant but people will still make comments about it.

hi, im in the same boat, my DS is 13 months and im 27 weeks pregnant so he'll be 17 months when this next one is here, i have recently developed spd too so finding it hard to walk and play with him. im not too woried about the abour part, what does worry me is that people stop paying attention to DS and just want to see the baby.
I know quite a few people who have had them close to together, two friends only had 11 months between theirs and they all say its the best, its hard for the first 9 months - year but gets easier everyday, seeing how they play and entertain eachother makes me excited, i and just hoping mine have the same relationship!
Like most other people im getting really fed up with people making comments like 'oh you didn't think that through very well did you?' or 'i wouldn't want to be in your position, having one was bad enough for me!'
The way i try and look at it is they are only babies for such a small amount of time so my fear of changing nappies for the rest of my life is a tad irrational!!!

its funny how mixed everyone feels about this - you go from being happy excited up for the challenge, to fretful anxious concerned about money lack of sleep etc. i can go back and forth between the two 100 times a day! am 21 weeks pg with DS2 and DS1 will be 18 months when he is born. my chief concerns are aforementioned money and tiredness i think. plus now i know its another boy i feel a bit like that will be an added handful!
another recent concern ive been having is one of guilt, which some other posters have mentioned too, that i'll be spreading myself thin caring for the 2 kids and therefore giving up time DS1 could have had with me, and i do love him soooo much, he's such an angel of a child.

and yes, the comments people make are sooo annoyingly unhelpful! "ooh, you'll be busy" and "you won't be able to lift him when you're heavily pregnant" - i just have to learn to cope don't i! no-one actually thinks having 2 under 2 will be easy do
they!

mellymooks - im sorry about your relationship with your siblings, that all sounds thoroughly unfair. perhaps they were jealous for some reason. im sure your 2 will not have the same problem as you're aware of making an effort to bring them close, plus your kids are completely different people to your siblings.

lauraloo - please don't give a flying fuck about what others think of u having kids close together. so its not the way they'd do it, so what? they're your kids, you're in charge! plus if you're worried about another traumatic labour, i would opt for an elective to put your mind at ease - give you a bit of control over the situation. my friend did that and said it was the best decision she could have made.
xx

I am 32 weeks pg with DD - DS will be 15 months when she's born. All the usual worries plus as I'm having a section worried about lifting DS in the first few weeks. Have conveniently forgot what a newborn is like so in happy denial abou that one!

Hey mellymooks I'm 16 weeks with dc2 (ds is 5yo) and one of the reasons that there is such a gap is because of my fears of destroying his life with a sibling.

I have no relationship with mine now, but to say we've never been close is an understatement. None of it helped by the fact my parents played us off against each other and built up the constant rivalry/jealousy.

DP has no understanding of my fears as he has a great relationship with his sibling.

WHat I have found that has helped is to try and understand where my parents went wrong with me and sis. I have found 'siblings without rivalry' a great help in calming me down so far
by the same people who did how to talk

I'm due in August and my dd will be 2.10 by then. I've already had two months of nausea, exhaustion, headaches and insomnia whilst juggling a full time job in 3 1/2 days a week, the terrible twos and a dh who is having a knee op next month and is in constant pain.

Juggling a new born and a toddler will be a picnic compared to how dreadful I feel at the moment. I was terrified of giving birth last time but it was no where near as bad as I feared. Hoping for a homebirth this time and actually looking forward to it.

I sound very grumpy I know. This baby is very much wanted but I hate being pregnant and I'm counting the days, weeks and months until it's over.

I'm worried about how dd will cope as she is only child, grandchild and niece. We'll just have to take it as it come I guess.

If it helps I had a 26 month age gap and found it easier with a newborn and a toddler than just a newborn the first time around. Not that it was actually easier having two children rather than one but I found the experience easier than that train that knocks you full force with your first!

I was already used to being child centred, not having lie ins, talking about thomas the tank...newborns dont really do much that you are not already doing if you have a toddler - you are already up early, already at home / juggling childcare, already skint, already used to doing what a child wants rather than what you want.

Your life is probably completely different now to what it was when you were pregnant with your first child - its hard work yes but its not such a shock if that makes sense?

I'm pregnant with DC3 now and of course terrified about that

Hi Armadillo - It's good to know I'm not alone! My Mum too was an expert at playing us off against each other. I always get such a pang when I see siblings together that are really close, all I dreamed of as a child was being accepted and loved by my siblings and however shit they were to me i never wanted to give up hoping it would change - but this way about me just seemed to make them dislike me more.

My partner is close to his two sisters, well his whole family is close and these days I think of them more as my family, they have always accepted me for me and love me more openly than I had ever experienced before.

I just really hope my gorgeous girl will be ok with this new person in her world.

Thanks for the tip on the book will read it soon.

Hi all
Can I join in too I am 11 weeks pg, and DD1 will be 18 months when the new baby is born. Good to know i'm not on my own as having the same worries a lot of you are. Also worried (I know as I type this sounds weird!) that DD1 will think we don't love her any more when i go to hosptial to have the new baby/spend time with the new baby etc. She might think she is being replaced!! I think I will get that book you mentioned Armadillo.

MHill thats how I feel about my DD thinking we don't love her anymore (she'll be 17months when new baby arrives)

alannabanana thanks for your advise re family comments. My DH agrees with you he basically says the first bad comment made to us he'll tell them where to stick their comments, we'll need help and support not judgement and critisisms.

It is wonderful knowing I'm not alone in my feelings, great to know we can share our worries and anxiety with each other x

Hello - I'm 17ish weeks and (I think) DD will be 2.7 when the new babs arrive. Tonight I am mostly worried about getting bigger and uncomfy. Have found that already get uncomfortable if I sit for too long, need lots of cushions because my back needs support, get sore hips if I am still for long. I was sick this evening, and generally feel under the weather, although pg is going quicker and is nice not having the pregnancy as the centre of my world this time round. I hate, hate, hate being pg and can not wait for it to be over (and never do it ever again).
I have quite a rose tinted memory of the early months with dd and had a positive birth, so actually looking forward to that (although of course worrying that I won't have it so easy this time and will be really disappointed).

Then there is the double buggy vs. sling debate to fret over for the next few months..

wonderstuff I've only found out i'm pg again and already started to look at double buggys lol been looking at a Phil&Teds or ICandy Peach/Pear but not sure what to go for

echo skidoodle - No. 2 at baby stage is a piece of piss compared to the horror of No. 1 at toddler stage (24 months between mine). I think you'll find it easier that you think as you've probably learnt alot and adjusted your life massively anyway. They play really well together now which actually makes life easier for me. I'm still working 4 days and 34 weeks pregs now with No. 3. No 2. will be about 19 months and No. 1 will be about 37 months when it arrives so it can't have been that bad 2nd time around.

Watched that one born every minute the other day though and started to get a bit worried about the birth though. Girls at work who haven't had any were freaking out about it and was just thinking that they have no idea how bad that pain is in reality and I've got to go through it again in 6 weeks......

I've heard good things about both, but they are soo expensive, and must be pretty heavy to push and bulky to put down? Icandy does look beautiful...
[goes to ponder more and search ebay]