Thread for those pg with second baby, pleased but terrified...

[Scotlian]

...of having to go through pregnancy and labour again; of not being able to cope with a baby and a toddler at the same time; of having 2 in nappies until at least 2012; of losing this baby if it's still early days...

And I'm sure there's lots more. I though I'd start a thread for us second timers as all most books/threads seem to be for excited fist time mums who have the TIME to sleep when tired, spend hours online, go for pregnancy pampers, spend days shopping for pregnancy clothes.

I'm 7 weeks preggers, due in October 2010. Ds will be 18 months by then

Aaaaaaah!

Count me in! I'm 12 weeks PG with a 23-month-old son. They say you forget about childbirth, but when I got a BFP, the second thought that popped into my head was 'Oh God - I've got to do childbirth all over again!'

Got my scan on Tuesday but have had v few symptoms this time round except tiredness and sore boobs.

I'm in the same position, 34 weeks pregnant with DD2, DD1 will be 19 months when she arrives.

Had all sorts of wobbles, how will I cope, how will DD cope, we also moved DD1 into her own bed and I cried for weeks that we were rushing her in growing up just to accomodate new baby!

We've also had lots of comments regarding the gap, some negative, but also a lot of, oh they'll be great friends and so close, and I know my sisters and I are with 18 month age gaps, so fingers crossed.

DD1 is still quite young but the bigger I've got the more we've tried to talk about her new baby (DP keeps saying mummy's baby which drives me bonkers as DD1 is still mummy's baby!) she was accepting at first but as things like the crib etc started appearing she would refuse to acknowledge the baby and wouldn't say what was in mummy's tummy and keeps slamming the nursery door.

It's had me in tears for weeks (i'm very hormonal this time) but tonight she tried to give the baby (through my belly button) some milk, tried to put cream on my belly and kept pulling my top up, so I said its time for baby to go to sleep so she came over and kissed my belly!

Made me cry all over again! So now I'm SURE it's going to be fine!

What a brilliant thread. I'm 8 weeks pregnant with DC2 and having all kinds of weird thoughts...

• I don't feel sick this time which is yay, but also makes me think there's probably something up.
• DD1 will be 2yrs 4mo when I give birth, and is already demanding constant attention and starting to throw paddies. She cries big fat tears whenever I hold friends' babies, so god knows what she'll make of me breastfeeding a baby.
• Which brings me to breastfeeding, which I'm already dreading. The pain last time just never went away and it never really worked quite right.
• Guilt, guilt, guilt. When I'm knackered at the moment, DD is watching far more tv than usual so I already feel I'm neglecting her.
• Worry that I'll love DC2 more than I love DD1 and her (and my) life will be ruined.
• Strangely not worrying that I will love DC2 less than DD1. Weirdly assuming it will be the other way round and DD1 who I adore I'll suddenly go off.

AHGHHGGHGHHG. Had no idea I'd feel any of this but very glad to read that others are feeling similar.

x

So cute lola0109
We asked dd if she would like a brother or sister (as in which would you prefer) she said 'no'

Now she keeps lifting up my top and asking me if I can get the baby out because she wants to look.

yeah the 'one born every minute' show is a real warts and all display of real-life childbirth. if i hadn't already been through it i'd probably be a bit freaked out too. im glad it highlights just how busy the poor midwives are - i had no idea the strain they were under until seeing it first hand. also, with any luck, it might put teenagers off of getting knocked up too young!

re the double buggy debate - im toying with the idea of getting a buggy board for DS1, as he's a great walker even now at 14 months. anyone got any experience of these? would dearly love not to have to dole out cash on a double buggy.

Brilliant thread! Have baby due in 8 weeks about 4 days after DS1's 2nd birthday!

Double Buggy thing consuming me a bit - so many people buy one then only use it for a few weeks cos toddler decides to be all grown up and walk forever more. Likewise, toddlers (so I'm told) can go the other way and want to be like the baby and love to be in a buggy so . . . might wait til baby born but won't know unless have one so do we get one but what if . . . EEK! Wish you could hire them for a month trial or something!

Echo all the above worries too . . . haven't mustered much excitement this time round so feel guilty that bump has had minimal attention.

Also agree with posts saying life now is more more kid centric so won't be such a huge change as already ensconced in routines etc...

Emotional roller coaster or what?!!

...

ps. I can't bring myself to watch that "one born every minute" programme. I recoil when I ever see a woman in labour on the telly (even if not real). I just can't take it!

Ooh count me in too, this is a great thread.

I'm 32 wks pregnant with DS2, and DS1 is nearly 2 and a half. Like most of you ladies I'm swinging wildly between excitement and terror with a myriad of worries that all contradict each other.

Also quite scared about labour and birth again - DS1's birth was fine, really, but I do remember that even so it hurt a LOT and I'm not looking forward to it. Still, it's only a day out of your life isn't it.

My bigger worries, like a lot of people on this thread, (which I find reassuring) are firstly about how DS1 will cope with having a brother, having to share Mummy's attention, and generally with us messing with his perfect set up. I hope he'll adapt quickly and adore his little brother but it does worry me.

He's also at that fun (!) tantrum throwing stage - some days he whinges and whines and cries and stamps and shouts seemingly all day long and it just drives me nuts, and then I think "How the hell will I cope with this while looking after a newborn?" I guess the answer is that DS2 will spend a lot of time watching tantrums and hissy fits while in his bouncy chair / on his playmat!! Let's hope he doesn't learn by example eh...

Other worry is that I suffered with PND after DS1 was born and am very much hoping I won't have to go through that again. Not fun.

Haven't managed to bring myself to watch 'One Born Every Minute', the less I can think about birth the better, frankly, although I am doing hypnobirthing and getting myself prepared in other ways (osteopath, perineal massage - bleurgh but it works - and so on) so I'm not totally in denial... Just a little bit.

Can't remember who asked about a buggy board but we bought one and have tried a couple of times to 'practice' with it but DS1 won't go near the blooming thing. I refuse to have a double buggy as DS1 is 2.6 and won't need to be in a buggy for much longer, so if he doesn't get to grips with the buggy board soon, I'll be selling it on Preloved and using a Baby Bjorn carrier for DS2 & pushchair for DS1 I suppose. Guess we'll have to wait and see.

That's one positive about doing it second time around I guess- first time I was trying to work out how to do everything in advance. This time I can just think "we'll work it out when the time comes, we did it before, we'll do it again, it'll be fine!"

Let's hope I'm right.

I am so pleased to see this thread!!!! I am shitting it too

Was hospitalised last PG,will it happen again

Chilbirth, UGH UGH UGH, I actually would whoop for joy if I had to have a CS

What if I get another bad sleeper? How will we cope?

I think as well, I am remembering the first few months of motherhood. They were SHIT!!!! I was no idea what to do, was lonely and sleep deprived

so the elation after the 12 week scan has GONE

Plus alot of happy new mothers and happy PG ladies around me, feel weird for being scared and anxious

Hurray there's loads of us! I'm so glad! Hello ladies all! Thought it was just me going gently loopy in my head while everyone else was in delighted fluffy-angel-baby-land.

Hah, elmmum, I am worried this time as I am feeling sick all the time, never was when pg with ds, so there must be something wrong . Or (horrified whisper) what if it's TWINS???

Lauraloo, Snowtiger, I too had PND, although not very seriously I was told still it was pretty scary and horrible. I really want to avoid that again. Not sure what to do through...

Mellymooks I was thinking about your siblings worries. I really think it's mostly down to how parents make the siblings work together, whether they set them off against each other, have favourites, that kind of thing. I ADORE my wee brother, he's 20 months younger than me, and we're very different in so many ways. Mum from day 1 started telling me how lovely he was going to be, how great it would be to have him to play with, that kind of thing. She even bought me a wee toy from him when he was born... I guess building it all up too much has its risks in that the older baby might be really pissed off and disappointed, but my point is that you are the one who can shape their relationship so so much in the crucial early years. Does that make sense as a positive thing?

Much laughter and agreement Wonderstuff at never ever wanting to do this again. I have basically already booked dh in for The Snip come November

Allegrogirl hope your stress lessens slightly...

porcamiseria, sei italiana?!? SO nice to read someone saying how shitty the first few months are. I am already talking to this baby telling them "you WILL sleep well you WILL sleep well.."

Thanks Scotlian. Not feeling so stressed today.

Porcamiseria I found the first 4-5 months hell last time. I'm in denial this time. I've decided I deserve an easy baby who actually sleeps, gains weight and doesn't cry and vomit constantly. It's only fair.

I'm going for the baby in sling then buggy board option as DD will be 2.10 by the time baby arrived. DD rarely went in the pram as she liked being held upright due to reflux so I'm used to the sling thing.

Oh another think on my worry list EPISIOTOMY STITCHES!!!! People came to visit and I had to lie on my side wincing, so embarassing "hi Dad my chuff is ripped to shreds, dont mind me"

Not Italian but have links.....sicilian ones...

people cant have 2 bad sleepers in a row,surely not? prays.....The baby will be in with us till it sleeps well, so alot is staked on this...

I am also doing the sling. loved it, baby loves it and I have visions of myself pounding the streets and exercising and losing weight.

Some people take to motherhood like a duck to water. some don't. I was in the latter category...

You and me both Porcamiseria, I wondered what the hell everyone was going on about, enjoying being a Mum. I hated it for months - adored my son but hated what my life had become IYKWIM. I found it really hard work and wondered constantly which were the bits that were supposed to be 'fun' because I couldn't find any.

By the time DS1 had got to about 8 months old it was all a lot easier though - he was eating and sleeping well and I'd got my head around the fact that I would never again be free to do as I pleased. Once you take that out of the equation life becomes much easier!!

Am also praying for an easy baby who sleeps well, feeds well, is chilled and doesn't cry much. No colic or PND this time around PLEASE!!!

Scotlian my DH won't contemplate the Snip but I am seriously thinking about having a permanent procedure done, as I can't go back on the pill or mini pill (various medical reasons), can't bear the thought of the coil and don't trust condoms!! Anyone else thinking about this / know anything about what the options are?

Hi Scotlian - yes is positive and thank you that is what I'm hoping to achieve, we've already tentatively started talking about Mummy growing a new baby in her tummy but more as an idea than a definite at the mo as I only 10 weeks along and she seems quite interested in the idea, but has already stated a couple of times that she would like a sister....... this morning we went to playgroup and on the way she said, don't want there to be any boys there...oh bugger!

I know it's unusual but I actually loved the first few months, I kept waiting for it all to fall apart, for me to fall apart, to crack from sleep deprivation, to just generally think what have I done? But it never came, but I did actually feel like a bit of a freak for it as everyone else I knew was crumbling and moaning all the time about how awful they felt, I started to feel bad for enjoying it all, felt I couldn't let on that I just felt wonderfully calm and centered and peaceful and like I had finally found something that made me feel whole. So I guess whatever your experience guilt always seems to play a factor!!

I too am planning to sling baby and get buggy board, the streets are too narrow where I live to even contemplate a double buggy!

Isn't it The Rules that if you had an awful sleeper first time your second is sleeping though by 6 weeks? [hopeful] DD only slept though once in the first 18 months.

Snowtiger I'm in the same boat as dh is squimish about the snip and I can't do hormonal contraceptive - which leaves the coil - and I someone who got pg with that in or condoms which are just a bit rubbish really. Don't know anything about the op but I think its my best option tbh.

mellymooks I loved the first few months too, but did get restless after about 6mo and was glad to be able to go back to work when dd was 8mo, planning to go back pt when the next one is 6mo I would go mad if I was a SAHM, I need some time off.

Also meant to say I got this book for dd today, and she really liked it.

I hated the first 8 months too with DS1 - not him but the radical adjustment of my life like how it wasn't mine anymore and I totally felt like I wasn't 'achieving anything' anymore. I realised how much I'd changed when DS2 came along and I loved it.

The double buggy thing - I have a phil and teds and yes it is heavy and cumbersome and not as lovely as my mclaren but with 2 years between DS1 and 2 it really was and still is (even though DS1 now 3 1/2) necessary. We tramp the streets alot as in an urban area so driving a nightmare and he wouldn't go near the buggy board till he was about 2.10. Even then buggy board was only good for short journeys. The minute he sees a hill he's in the phil and teds and he still often falls asleep in it. It's also good cos if he's not in it I can shove DS2 in the top and bung bags in the bottom bit which saves on carrying. When DC3 comes in 6 weeks I think I'm going to have to sling the baby on me whilst the others are in the buggy.
PS got it off ebay for £250 and pals have found similar deals on gumtree

Sooo relieved to find this thread! Even more relieved to find out I'm perfectly normal! The whole double buggy thing! or do i just get a sling & buggy board?!

My main worry is how it'll affect ds. dc2 is due 2 weeks after his 2nd Birthday. I'm really happy to be pregnant but so scared it'll change him & he'll resent me. I also find that I'm not taking as much care this time as I did with ds! Poor dc2 is going to get 2nd hand everything & I'm not looking after myself as well at all!

How do I introduce the concept of a sibling to ds he's 18 months now!

Hi everyone. Our dc3 will hopefully arrive just after our twins are 3, so not such a close gap, but 3 under 4. Experiencing the whole anxiety thing of being sleep deprived and looking after 2 others. Will probably have to have a cs again and also very concerned about not being able to pick the twins up or drive for 6 weeks.
One piece of advice a friend gave me who had 2 close together is that if both are crying and need you at the same time, sort your toddler out first. Your newborn will never remember that he had to cry for 5 mins while you saw to the toddler, but the toddler will remember and will resent your newborn. Have no idea if this will work but its an interesting idea.
If you have any time to read at all and you want a giggle ( and to read about someone in a trickier situation than yourself) 'Extreme Motherhood' by Jackie Clune is great - she had triplets when her toddler was 14 months. Crazy stuff.

hiya...sorry for not being on recently need to take myself off the thread as i miscarried yesterday just want to wish you all healthy and successful pregnancies and enjoy your babies when they arrive xx

lauraloo09 I'm so sorry. Take care of yourself x

Lauraloo- Sorry to hear that

Twinmum- that book sounds fab..I cant even begin to imagine a toodler then triplets!

Bananastew- My DD is currently 18mths and will be 21mths when this one is due.
Ive tried to involve DD as much as possible. She has been to both the scans with me and all my antenatal appointments.
The first one is got upset when the MW was feeling my tummy on the couch so she laid next to me on it. Now she cant wait for me to lay down and says Boom Boom which is the hearing the heart beat.
She is very loving towards bump and often asks to "kiss baby"..ie the bump. What she will make of a real newborn is anyones guess! She seemed fine with my friends newborn last week so fingers crossed

Wonderstuff- I bought DD the Topsy and Tim book a few weeks ago when my mum was staying with us but it got mixed up with the shopping and my mum has ended up taking it home with her so havent read it yet. Im visiting my parents next week so will see if she likes it then.

Re sleeping- DD didnt start consistantly sleeping though till she was about 9mths old and still isnt great now (in fact as I type DH is up trying to settle her back off to sleep!) Definately think im due a good sleeper from an early age this time!

marking my place on this thread, will come back later with a BFP hopefully! (DS is 2.2)

Hi there all
Am 34 weeks with no 2 and my heart breaks a bit for DD1. She is such a sweetie and really understands that she is getting a brother but the reality of course is going to hit her like a ton of bricks. THey will be two years apart, if baby is late 25 months.

I, however, have been at the stage for a while where I think being home with a newborn and and toddler will be preferable to being pregnant and feeling yucky and exhausted and sick. I am not looking forward to losing my evenings of quiet though! And my sleep. Sigh.

Very stressed about the Easter weekend, when baby is due, as all our labour backups will be away (we are not British so no family) and we are trying to arrange something. Our nanny will have the weekend off and most of our friends will be away. Or having babies htemselves! So really hoping baby is not on time for DD sake.

On the double pushchair conundrum: no way, jose. The idea is that baby will go in the sling and DD in the pushchair for a while. DD was in the sling a lot. But then of course we are keeping the nanny on during my maternity leave so that should help. And makes me feel very grateful because she's fabulous and we are v lucky to be able to keep her.

What a great thread.

I'm 25 weeks with 2nd pregnancy. I have the opposite issue - my ds is 8 and I'm still getting comments along the lines of "you're brave (read "stupid"!) - so really can't win eh?

Been interesting reading the posts about others with sibling problems. I have 3 and no contact with them - parents played us off too (and would still do so if given the chance). It definitely influenced me in not getting pregnant again (this one another mistake! - though my ds is the best mistake we ever made so all good on that front! In my lower moments I really worry about replicating that sibling relationship and this pregnancy has thrown up lots of quite unpleasant memories/thoughts around it.

I had a pretty awful birth experience with ds and am determined not to repeat this time. Have done a lot of work investigating why things worked out the way they did then and how to do things differently this time (Hypnobirthing, home birth and, if we can find the money, independent midwife) because everything, for me, went downhill last time with the change of midwife and introduction of unecessary interventions.

To the lady who was worried about the circumference of the head - I was told this was the reason why my son didn't want to come out (err no, that would be because there was a crowd of people staring at my chuff and my body stamped its foot and refused to work until they all buggered off and left me alone . . . or else produced a ventouse . . .). In reality, the baby's head moulds on it's way out so even an unmoulded head at the top of the centile chart would only be bigger than one much lower down by a matter of millimetres ...