Thread for those pg with second baby, pleased but terrified...

[Scotlian]

...of having to go through pregnancy and labour again; of not being able to cope with a baby and a toddler at the same time; of having 2 in nappies until at least 2012; of losing this baby if it's still early days...

And I'm sure there's lots more. I though I'd start a thread for us second timers as all most books/threads seem to be for excited fist time mums who have the TIME to sleep when tired, spend hours online, go for pregnancy pampers, spend days shopping for pregnancy clothes.

I'm 7 weeks preggers, due in October 2010. Ds will be 18 months by then

Aaaaaaah!

good to have this thread as easy to feel a little left out 2nd time round.

25 weeks with DS. my first DD turns 4 years next month and is over her toddler years, way out of nappies and sleeps solidly 7:30pm to 6:30 EVERY night. although she's still pretty demanding and sometimes drives me crazy i can't imagine coping with morning sickness, tiredness and a toddler at the same time so hands up to you all.

it think it's quite incredible that most people are programmed to think the "right" approach is to have a 2 year gap between siblings although everyone knows fine well the toddler years are the hardest. why add pregnancy and a new baby into the mix.

one can't always plan these things but i'm advising all my friends to wait a little if they can before going for baby no. 2. you'll be less exhausted and your older kid is more likely to enjoy the experience rather than busying herself throwing yet another tantrum.

oh fantastic! Thanks for starting this!
Can I join?

Am on holiday and have v slow internet connection, so will read the whole thing properly when I get back, but just marking my place.

Currently 8 weeks PG. Also due in October, Scotlian. DS will be 20 months then. Over the moon and terrified all at the same time.

Really found it hard first time round. Struggled to get BF going, struggled with lack of sleep, struggled to cope with feeling totally clueless most of the time! (am a control freak...)

Am telling myself that at least I'll have a little bit of hindsight to draw on this time......

So nice to read this thread and realise that you are not the only one out there feeling these things. I am 23 weeks now and my dd will be 3 when he is born. I think the thing that makes me most nervous is how it is going to be for her. She is such a loved litte girl and knows that she is the centre of my world. My heart breaks every time I think of how she is going to feel when her little brother arrives and I will no longer be able to give her all my attention. I am trying to see how good it will be for her in the future as I am one of 4 and adore my brothers and sisters and cant imagine life without them.

As to how life will be with 2 am as nervous as all of you!! One good thing is that dd is now in nursery full time so will have lots of time during the day but the logistics of bed, bath etc scares the hell out of me!! My DH is often not home till late so will all be down to me. Friends have told me that you will rely on masses of Cbeebies to get you through the first few months.

Double buggy v buggy board I am going for the later as DD will be 3. Also have a sling so can do that if needed.

The other thing that really scares me is having to have another c section. My DD was breech and have been told by my OB that as have had 1 c section I have to have another. Am dreading it as dont want to be out of action for a week like I was the first time. Anyone else in the same boat?

Biw if I hadn't been in my mid 30s and took 18 months to conceive 1st time around I would have gone for a 4 year gap.

As it turned out I got pregnant 2nd month of trying so will have 2.10 gap.

Coping with pregnancy symptoms and a stroppy 2 year is tough. DD's behaviour took a turn for the worse just as the nausea kicked in. Joy.

I'm wondering how and when we tell DD that a baby is coming to live at our house. I'm dreading it!

I too am feeling better just reading this thread. I am 32wks pg. dd will be 22 months when baby arrives.

I am starting to get really scared about the birth - didn't realise how much so, but burst into tears at last midwife appointment...oops!

dd has medical condition which means we can't leave her and even though I've been trying to get nursing care arranged for several hours a week for over a year the combination of assessments, sending to a panel etc means that I'm 32 weeks and still no cover. dh says we'll just have to take her to the hospital with us. worried about how that's all goin to work and with me in labour as well. the whole situation is not making me feel relaxed about the birth.

dd has also been in and out of hospital 3 times in the last 3 weeks, and had surgery, so i am worried that I am not going to be able to care for her properly when new baby arrives.

i know I'm rabbiting, and that it'll probably all just come together and my dh is great and will cope with lots...but there's just so much on my mind.

loved the hypnotherapy cds last time and usually they work so well to help me sleep, but when they start talking about the birth I end up getting cross in a kind of 'yes, you make it sound so easy, but I know better this time, don't try to lull me into thinking it'll all be alright' kind of way...which really is the opposite of what I should be thinking, huh?

also, we had a 'normal' first 10 weeks with our dd last time. then she got very ill very suddenly - ambulance, intensive care and stayed in hospital for 5 months. Hence, I just can't see beyond the 10 weeks with a newborn. I can't remember how to do it, becuase we didn't do it the first time. i.e. no getting them sleeping through the night, no feeding schedule, no mum & baby groups etc. In fact, there was always someone else to help (nurse etc). In some ways this prob means we can cope with anything, but in reality I'm scared about the new baby having health problems...or even if not, me being super neurotic mother who can't relax thinking child is ill every 5 mins.

oh dear, this is a list of my fears!!

on a positive note, to the mums who are just pg with no2, i can say that for the first 12 weeks of pregnancy I felt so rough I couldn't even imagine getting to this point with toddler still well cared for and happy but somehow we've managed it and dd seems not in the least damaged by mummy's tiredness. in a very cute way she still points to herself when I say 'where's the baby?' but then if I ask again she points to my tummy and comes and kisses it.

Oh, I'm glad I found this thread again!
Karemm twas I who was worried about the head circumference. Thanks for your wise words - hopefully that will be the case!

I've been pondering the buggy issue as well. DS will be 2.5 when baby arrives but I just don't think he's ready to walk everywhere yet - particularly as some of the groups we go to are a good 30 mins walk there and back for an adult - so will be trying to buy a cheapo double from Ebay.

I had seriously considered the baby carrier route (we used a sling with DS) but as baby is still breech I do worry a little about a caesarean and being left at home unable to get out anywhere.

Other worries are surfacing now apart from labour - most of which are similar to other posters:
How will gorgous, loveable, but tantrummy and clingy DS cope?
Will I be able to avoid a 12 hour a day Cbeebies habit?
How will I breastfeed (I expressed for 16 weeks for DS one as he wouldn't BF but there aint NO WAY I am doing that again)
Will this one sleep through before 18 months?
GAH!

Yikes, I hadn't really given the buggy thing much thought. DD will be 2.4 when DC2 is born so I'm guessing won't want/be able to walk everywhere.

I'd put DC2 in a sling but my boobs were so massive and agonisingly sore with DD1 that I could never wear the sling, it was just too uncomfortable.

Hmmmm. Another thing to worry about!

Hi guys can i share my worries here too lol!

I'm 28 weeks with number 3 but DS1 is 8 years! DS2 however is going to be 18 months when DD1 arrives in May!!!!

I am honestly petrified!!!

My house is split level for starters (lounge 1st floor, kitchen, dinning room & utility 2nd flr, nursery & my room 3rd flr, family bathroom, spare room & DS1's 4th flr!!!) So just doing day to day things with toddler is hard work let alone toddler and newborn!!!

Already suffering terribly with sciatica & SPD for which i have physio once a week now and am on crutches

My DP is fab but is self employed so works when he can - not always home for dinner/works weekends etc...

My DS1 was induced and was born with a dislocated shoulder from his fast birth but they took 5 month to realise that that was why he wouldn't lie down let alone sleep...he had that many food allergies i was scared to feed him...

My DS2 was a fast homebirth but was delivered in him water and back to back ...he still suffers with gasrtic reflux!!

So am terrified what the birth of my daughter will bring!!!!!

Neither of my DS's are good sleepers...i intend to B/F as did boys so only right...

Oh i have so many things going round my little head right now it's no wonder i suffer from migranes too lol!!!

Feel 80 let alone 30 lol!!!!

Thanks for letting me rant/air my fears/ introduce myself lol!!!

Hope it's ok when the time comes i really do...it's not forever, they soon grow up!!!!
x

Hello! Thought I would jump on the second baby bandwagon! Found out I'm pg with #2 on Sunday!

I'm a measly 2 weeks pg, so very early days. No one knows yet but me & DH.

I think I'm excited, but have more worries about baby this time! Much more than I was the first time!

I'd been torn as to whether to even have another child, not because I haven't enjoyed it - quite the opposite. I had an easy pregnancy, long but relatively straight forward birth. BF'd successfully, potty training was a breeze compared to others experiences. DD will be almost 4 when the new baby arrives and I'm worried that a new baby will change things too much and dare I say it....spoil what we already have?

Maybe the next one will be the opposite of all this? Then I feel guilty for thinking that!

I think I'm going to try and get all the negative thoughts out of my mind before we announce the news and everyone thinks I'm a miserable old bag!!!

Good to find this thread! I am 23 weeks pregnant with #2, DD will be 19 months when this one arrives in June. Started trying once DD got to 10 months as 18 month gap was the minimum I was thinking of. My mum and nan had early menopauses and I'm 35 so wasn't sure we'd get to have another one and would have regretted waiting if it never happened.

I am starting to see signs of interesting behaviour from DD (now 15 months) - yesterday Ikea got to witness the pregnant woman trying to work out why her normally happy daughter was sobbing on the floor in a heap despite offers of cuddles/carries/food/water etc.

I THINK it was not letting her eat the cheerios she'd dropped off the ikea floor (I'm not normally fussed but I could see the floor was especially dirty). Am having premonitions of the months ahead and feeling daunted!

But, as others have said, being pregnant with a wee one is not easy so a newborn and wee one will be different challanges.

Have to have an elective c-section this time round as bladder still dodgy from forceps birth last time; not looking forward to being so dependent on others for weeks. BUT, prefer that to worsening damage or damaging bowels as well (which work fine right now).

Probably going to get a nipper 360 double buggy, seems most like the lovely britax 3 wheeler I have now. Might hold off and try a sling or wrap, but didn't get on with it last time due to level of postbirth damage I had.

We're considering moving closer to my parents to help out occasionally - and make it more doable for me to get into work again. Not expecting them to do childcare (my mum would love to) but to help maybe with the gaps if I were running late or had an evening session to work before DH got home etc. Anyone else thinking of that?

Biw - I missed your thread on first reading and you have a similar age gap to me....you make good, positive points about the practical side of things! I'm going to adopt your attitude!

Loved everything first time round (except for lack of sleep!) was dreading how I'd cope with no 2. Actually hated every minute of first 3 months and resented screaming needy baby for taking me away from my lovely fun girl. Didn't want to bring anyone here down and there are plenty of mums who have good experiences to share, but I was looking for thread for people like me who are really not enjoying any of it and desperately hoping it will get better. Anyone point me in right direction? Thanks, and good luck all

I am 13 weeks pregnant with my second, much less sick than I was last time thankfully!! My little boy is 3 in April so bigger age gap than most of you, mainly for financial reasons.

I am a childminder so I have upto 7 children at a time, but none of them are newborns! This gives me more cause for concern as I can't afford time off work so am only planning to take 2 weeks maternity leave. I am telling my parents this week and hope that most of them will understand and stay with me.

I am looking forward to labour this time in a way as I didn't get what I wanted last time and am hoping this one will go more the way I would like.

My main fear is not loving it as much as I my son, as I can't imagine loving another person as much as I do him. And that he will be happy about it all, keeps rubbing my tummy at the moment and saying hello!

Another factor is that I have an 8 year old stepson who was very happy about his brother last time and I'm sure will be fine this time but his mother is a nightmare and had 6 months of work with depression last time because of my pregnancy. She spent a lot of time putting negative thoughts into his head, which didn't work before but this time he will be sharing with my son and the baby will go in his room which is much smaller. We are planning to redecorate both rooms and the boys will choose the colour they want. My husband is planning to tell her friday so we can tell my stepson at the weekend while he's here so I'm quite stressed about that at the moment too.

Have wanted this baby for a long time so am very pleased to be pregnant and am determined to enjoy this pregnancy as I hated every moment last time! Really dislike that everyone feels they have a right to comment on your size,shape etc and you become public property. Unlikely to do it a third time so will try to enjoy it all.

Wow that turned out to be long,sorry!

When my 2 yr old was having a screaming tantrum on sainsbury's floor while I paid for my shopping, the lady goes 'just don't have any more for a while!'
I laughed and said 'heh yeah I'm 4 months pregnant'.
I have 7 weeks to go now, DS has just turned 3 and his tantrums have got worse, I now have to stand there with him for upto 20 mins when he screams on the floor in public, as I cannot physically pick him up.
It's very very tiring waiting for him to decide to get up when it's snowing, getting dark, and my legs don't feel like they can hold me up anylonger..
This poor baby will have to sit through a lot of hysterical screaming with me which I'm sure won't be a nice welcome into the world, also worried about DS reaction when I breastfeed new baby, as I only weaned him off 6 months ago, and only recently I've had to fight him off from trying to breastfeed more, physically push him away while he's trying to rip at my top and screaming.
My baby will need some armour to stay safe, or I could lock DS in a cage.
Just no idea how we'll cope at all really.

Also my DS who is with me 24/7 (i'm a single mum) has been with me through everything during this pregnancy.
He has patted my back while I've had my head over the toilet puking hundreds of time.
He's screamed throughout and ruined important appointments, they told me there's no way they could do the 20 week scan with him there, I thought I would never be able to have a scan as we live away from friends and family.
He's caused me to need anti D several times from his full body weighted elbow and knee dives into my tummy. He's screamed the hospitals down, and ran around while i've been tried up to a moniter.
I thought he would have to go into foster care when I go into labour as again there's no one.
Luckily we now have a plan..

But yeah, it's been very hard.

Hello everyone! Just marking my place as poor connection temporarily. Pg with no2, will be 2 years diff. And I swing from highs and lows about it- desperate to avoid pnd this time round, it would be terrible for ds. can't wait for him to have a playmate though! V exciting

May I join too? I'm currently just over 4 weeks pregnant with number 2 - due at the end of October. My daughter will be 2 yr 9 months by that point (or 2 yr 10 if the baby is late).

I'm hoping I don't get too much morning sickness as she is still in nappies and bad smells made me gag last time.

Equally I'm worried about her coping with a little one in her place, despite the fact that she's generally an affable, sociable little soul. Any tips apart from getting her as involved as possible and buying her a present from her new sibling?

I'm also hoping against hope that it's not a back to back labour like it was with her and that this one doesn't also get stuck. Transfer to hospital fully dilated for ventouse was not at all fun.

Only other tip that comes to mind is pointing out to the older one things like 'Oh look xyz is watching you, s/he thinks you are fun to watch, s/he is smiling at you etc etc'.

Ie - the baby likes you, the baby likes you, the baby is your friend, please dont feel the need to eye gouge the baby...

Hello everyone. Wow. Looks like there's lots of us..hope we all manage it when crunchtime comes! Have just got back from visiting family abroad; DS freaked out by it all, my Mum amazingly unhelpful, me generally shattered. So will say goodnight now but so great to see so many folk "joining".

Hi everyone

I'm currently pg (well only just, 6+4) and I currently have 1DC who was 1 a few days ago. Was planned but happened far quicker than expected, so if beany sticks there will be about 20 months between DCs.

Current fears:

Bean not sticking because I am not being sick yet.

Being as sick as I was before with a clingy not yet walking DS1 in tow.

Back and pelvic girdle pain again, particularly as I don't have a car this time.

DC2 ending up in the NICU like DS1 (was only for a week but was very unexpecting and would be much harder with another child)

Establishing BF. DS1 wouldn't BF after his stay in NICU and I ended up expressing for 4 months. Not an option this time round so BF must work!

Lack of sleep during pg and with newborn and having to look after DS1 as well. No more sneaking back to bed when newborn naps.

Financial impact of having 2, particularly with no mat leave this time.

Fears have not yet crept into the actually having DC2. I am deluding myself into thinking that will all be fine. Sure we'll be tired but DC2 will just fit into DS1's routine and before we know it they'll be entertaining each other. (rose tinted glasses firmly on)

I will be getting a double buggy. I have no car and live on a hill, so it will be essential. I'm getting a second hand double mountain buggy off ebay but buying a new carrycot for DC2. They are brilliant (my friend with twins has one) and phil and teds are not my thing (just don't like the idea of 1 DC so close to ground with no view, like a newborn in a carrycot and there's no shopping basket when 2 use it which is no good for me). New the MBs cost a huge amount but they are better value on ebay, plus once I've used it I can just sell it on again for probably virtually as much as I bought it for.

Love your suggestions Lovethesea.

I'm only 6 weeks pg and we're not telling yet so it's nice to talk to ds (18 months) about it.
So far he'll kiss the baby and pont to it.
I'm hoping it will seem normal to him by 9 months.

I'm pretty sure he won't tell anyone

I was quite cheered today by DD's happiness at seeing a small baby at playgroup. She is 16 months and was fascinated by him; I was on alert (hiding my nervousness obviously as I want her to think baby's are a GOOD THING) and she jabbed him gently in the head with one finger, prodded his toes thoughtfully and only had to be removed when she tried to steal his dummy repeatedly (I didn't know the mum!).

I really want her to think a wee brother when she is 19 months old is fun and worth the time it'll take from her mum.

Hello hurray for positive things coming up too

Ladies, I found out a fortnight ago that I am pregnant with TWINS. Anxiety immediately hit such a sky-high level I realised that the only thing to do was a) accept it's going to be carnage for the first year (3 kids under 2...) b)get as much help as poss and c) focus on the good things or I really will go mad.

So I am migrating over to the multiple births corner of Mumsnet - but best of luck everyone, with everything! We will survive!

I have one dd who is 3 in June, I am currently 9 weeks, and for some reason I am petrified of losing this baby Trying to keep up beat but am really finding it hard.

Just got my BFP for baby 2 and I am feeling quite daunted at the thought of going through it all again!

On the plus side, at least we're not back in that "OMG - what am I supposed to do with THIS...?!" phase and I, for one, definitely feel MUCH more confident in making my own choices about how this is going to go rather than being bullied into decisions by the midwives!

I don't understnad how people with more than one do things like leaving the house, for example, and I have no idea how I'm going to manage my toddler's meals and playing and baths whilst BF a newborn every 2 hours. On the other hand, at least I'll be able to put the baby down and it'll still be there when I get back instead of, say, climning on the dinner table....

I don't think it's going to easy but its's going to be great