Could this be a miscarriage? I'm terrified!

[Kaylo]

Hi everyone, theres gonna be TMI in here so I apologize in advance.

I'm (hopefully) 5+5 weeks pregnant with DC3. Last night I started bleeding, looked like mucus/snot mixed with blood - bright red!!

I checked again 10minutes later and it had gone browny/reddish in colour so thought phew maybe it's gone! Just a blip maybe?

This morning I went for my usual morning wee and there were clots Quite a few of them each about 1cm, I'd say there were 4 or 5 altogether. Blood was still red and has been a steady flow for most of the day.

Now however there is barely any blood - it's never been heavy - just when I wipe iykwim. And now it's just a little bit red now and mainly brown, but theres hardly anything there.

I'm confused, scared, and worried sick. I've never bled with my previous 2 pregnancies, and never miscarried.

Please advise me on what I should be thinking.

I've got an appointment at the EPU on Friday where they're gonna scan me.

xxx

Aaah, now I remember - you did tell me cos there was another lady in York wasn't there?

I hate the receptonists at the doctors!! They somehow cant fit you in one minute then when (in my case anyway) you stamp your feet they've suddenly managed to find an opening!!

Thankfully I spoke to some really nice people - I didn't bother with my GP cos he's a git and wouldn't care if I was miscarrying triplets! So I went to see the nurse, I figured a female medic would see better the sensitivity of the situation and she phoned the EPU at Pontefract immediately and got me appointment for 2days later. Although the EPU also said they couldn't see me prior to 6weeks either, so I guess thats the same everywhere.

I shall definitely be demanding(!) an early assessment scan this time as going through mc has been the most horrendous experience - I'm able to shoo the feelings away most of the time but sometimes I can sat driving or at work and it hits me like a wall - I've lost a baby, my baby. I would have been 8 weeks today . I don't get too down about it cos I figure it must have been a poorly baby and I wouldn't wish illness on a poor little infant. They need some quality to life.

I so hope this is our month so we can still be on a A/N thread together -I want everyone on this thread on A/N too!! Would we really be due June if we caught this soon? I thought it would be July. But I couldn't care less actually as long as theres a healthy kicking little bean (or more) in there!!

xxxx

Ah my heart is breaking just reading the lack of compassion, empathy you have lost a baby! ermmm hello i need some help, talk to me!!!!!!
a referral should be done whether 2 weeks or 8 weeks - that is just damn right out of order!

for those who are getting back in there and tying well done good on you, keep us posted with the sucessful mission! just relax and try not to be deflated if you dont suceed first off! (took me 2 years!)

There is sun after the rain and also a rainbow!!

mamas2b5 Thank You for those lovely kind words. Its so good to know theres light through dark times and its encouraging and reassuring hearing from someone who knows and understands what it's like!

I agree with you that its out of order but what can you do really? They won't take any notice of someone they feel is over-reacting to a possible miscarriage that isn't even regarded as being a baby - I actually had someone at work say that to me - its ok for her to say, shes well into her pregnancy and due Feb 11th!!
But how insensitive? I wouldn't dream of saying anything so (in my opinion) hurtful!

The mission is not only to get pregnant but to stay pregnant. One milestone at a time tho.
After BFP my first milestone will be getting past 6weeks as this is when I mc, then to 12weeks, then 24weeks....and so on. Then birth! Strangely enough this mc has made me want a labour I can feel - please don't think I'm crazy but I don't like drugs anyway and would prefer water as pain relief but I want to feel that baby being born to add to the reality that there IS a baby.

I'm honestly not crazy although I imagine I do sound it

I'm just desperate to be pregnant again I guess, but you can't rush these things - one cycle at a time. And this is cycle 1.

Love to all xxxx

Can I just add tho.....that if it's a c-section I'm happy to believe theres a baby. Thats a pain I'd rather not feel!!!

lol

Kaylo- im rooting for you! go team - baby making, baby growing and baby coming! All will be well if you relax which i know will be hard after such an experience but it will get better! funny i never worried before after i had my dc2 but when i lost the baby, it made it real theses thing happen and why not to me , other people have gone through this and have no children!
i was obsessed for ages and then let it go and then it happened! i will be watching and waiting for your good news which will be coming soon!

I am loving that team name Mama2b5!!

Baby Making, Baby Growing and Baby Coming!!

How perfectly appropriate

I guess I feel a bit guilty sometimes cos I've got 2dc already, boy and girl, and I naively thought it couldn't happen to me cos I'd already had 2 healthy textbook pg's, how stooopid!

Theres gonna be good news for all of us soon, I'm sure of it. No more heartbreak please xxx

I think I'd vaguely squeeze into the end of June with my dates, but then I ovulated late so it might be early July instead. Oooh, a July 4th baby would be great, since I'm planning on emmigrating to Canada and that's their big Canada Day celebrations.

If I do get BFP this month, I might sneak into the Due July thread anyway, since I'm likely to be late anyway, since this'd be #1.

I have sad moments like that too, Kaylo. Normally right after someone says something really insensitive or I see a pregnant woman or tiny baby. It seems to just rub it in that I failed to succeed in my own pregnancy, even though I know that's not really the case.

Oh, and I hate hate hate the term Chemical Pregnancy. The doctors threw it around and my brother was even using it the other day, as if what I had wasn't even real - just some chemical imbalance. Besides, I'm sure I didn't have a CP, it was a very early MC.

Anyway, that's my rant done for the day.

That's a good idea, seeing the nurse rather than the doctor. Hopefully I won't have to go through it all again, but if I do then I might try that instead. The nurses do tend to be a lot kinder than doctors, in my experience.

Hee, I love the name "Baby Making, Baby Growing and Baby Coming" too! We should start our own group with the appropriate section as the title in each area. "Baby Makers" in conception, "Baby Growers" in the clubs then "Baby Arrivals" in the childbirth area!

Hi All

Sorry haven't been on the thread to up date you guys, this last week has been really tough, still missing my Angel who found his wings on 28th September 2009 not coping too well at all, only went out last weekend for 20 minutes for the whole weekend thats Friday/Saturday/Sunday.

Been at work all week I only work Monday to Thursday - saw the work counsellor and yes it helped was able to be completely honest and very very frank about how I was feeling and what was going on in my mind.

Everyone says it does get easier, but at the moment I cannot see any light at the end of the tunnel.

Saw my GP last night, who has confirmed that I have an infection, so now on antibotics for a week (hopefully they will clear it).

My GP said take little steps each day and set myself a challenge for each day and stick to it. My one for Monday to Thursday was just to get up and go to work (i did it), today was to go to the supermarket and pick my prescription up (I did it very very hard because lots of pregnant women and babies around).

Tomorrow is to finish all the housework. Then Sunday I have a colleague from the local branch of Cats Protection League coming round to see me.

The NHS have been shocking and my Dad has made a complaint about the way I have been treated, its just the fact that they don't care if you are under 24 weeks and after you have been through the trauma of having a MC you are told to go home and get on with it.

This is completely wrong and something needs to be done.

Kaylo, Hoops, Mama and everyone else on this thread thank you so much for being there for me I really appreciate it and hope that we will all get pregnant again very soon and have our babies close together. If we are all living in the UK maybe we should try and meet up.

Also not sure if you are aware but if someone knows your email address and they google it and you have posted stuff on here, they can see it as I have discovered, not to impressed with that.

Anyway take care everyone I will stay in touch xxxxx

Kaylo - glad you like the titles! i do believe it is hard even if you have had children before it does not make the lose any easier! sometimes people actually believe because you have kids it unfair for you to mourn a baby lost! mourning is not an monopoly for first time parents, loss is loss! i mourned the loss of my baby and it was only 8 weeks!countless trips to the EPU while watching others pregnant and grinning with glee.(felt so angry even though the hadnt a clue why i was there!
Spirael - sometimes men can be so removed because they have not experienced the loss and when we as women are the carriers we somehow feel it was our fault!( no way)chemical pregnancy is so clinical and ermm baby is wot it was!Well done for getting back on in there!Kisses - it is hard and you feel its an effort to just to get up in the morning but had a focus and say next time will be the right time!

Hi Kisses I'm glad to see you on here again. The small task targets are a good idea in the way that you focus more on that rather than the obvious, if that makes sense. I can't believe after everything that you now have an infection as well, it never rains but it pours eh? I hope you feel better very very soon

xxx

HI all,
well it's been a week now and although I am feeling better physically, mentally it's not so good.
Hubby took me and the boys away this weekemd in our caravan which was lovely to be just the four of us for a while with no fussing (I even had a glass of wine!!!)

Like many of you we are going to try again as soon as possible so I will keep you all posted.

I came back to a lovely bunch of flowers,card,chocolates, wine and sweets for the boys from my work which really made my day

going back to work tomorrow, they have been really good and said I can start back on half days.

Keep your chins up ladies, we all have a special guardian angel now and with that we can do anything.

Love and hugs

Alys

Thanks Kaylo

I thought I was doing ok until tonight, floods of tears most of the night, not good.

Alys78 nice to hear from you glad everyone is spoiling you.

Sorry haven't been on much, just got someone unwanted attention from someone who has some how got hold of my email address and is watching everything I do, hence the warning I put on about google and the search for your email address.

Am going to bed now, so I'll keep you posted with any further events, hopefully will be trying again soon once this damn infection has gone anyway.

love k xxx

strange email stalkers - they have way to much time on there hands clearly!
emotions are going to be coming and going like a tap thats just been turned on,and sometimes its made worse when your constantly being asked if your ok!!!!
no, not really andd unless they can rewind time or can grant you your wish off not wanting to to deal with the loss of your unborn baby, there aint much they can do! time is something you have to give yourself and plenty of it! sometimes returning to work may be a good idea, but then reality hits you and you cant face people with the pity looks on their faces!
Thoughts and prayers for you all- and remember one day at a time and your special angels are watching you.
p.s - you also have certain missions in front of you - BM!

Hi you doing Mama2b5

Can't believe it just heard that one of my friends I went to school with has been found dead in a river, two people arrested on suspicion of murder, he was only 36.

On a happier note finish the antibiotics on Wednesday, so watch this space.

And if someone who is stalking me is watching me, bring it on they obviously think i'm important enough to stalk!!!

Two weeks ago my angel gained his wings and I miss him soo much but I will love him forever xxx

Hi - How are you all today? Kaylo, Spirael, Alys78?
Kisses - infection will be gone soon -YEH!
that is horrible news about your school friend, my gosh he poor family, lets hope justice is done and that they have the right 2 people for his murder!
2 weeks must really feel like yesterday so give yourself time of course, your angel has gotten his wings and is with you always, thats 1 thing you can be 100% sure of if you believe in all of that! because i do.

Thanks Mama2bz, can't wait for the infection to go then like I said watch this space.

How's everyone else Kaylo, Alys78, Hoops, Spirael.

Lets hope we all get some very good news soon

xxx

Hello everyone - I'm sorry I've been a bit AWOL lately.

How is everyone?

Kisses So tragic about your friend, I hope you're ok and they have the right 2 suspects who did it.

mama2b5 How are you? You are an endless pillar of support for us all!! Thank You so much!!

Alys It's so nice of your colleagues to do something like that for you - all I got was sympathetic glances and 1 total bitchy girl (who is expecting her 2nd baby) who said "at least you weren't that far along like me" Could have whacked her with the holepunch!!

I'm on cd23 now so hopefully will be testing next week after Tuesday. Don't know if I'll get an accurate result but hey, if AF isn't here theres always hope
Had a sickness bug yesterday so got sent home from work and went to bed - all better today tho. DH was convinced it was morning sickness but it clearly wasn't - as much as I wanted to believe him.

Hope everyone is happy/hopeful and coping as well as can be expected.

Hugs to all

xxxx

Hi Kaylo! I had a bit of spotting yesterday and cramps this morning, so I'm pretty convinced AF will be in full flow within the next 24 hours, bang on schedule from the first day of my MC.

Ah well... At least it means my cycle is back in order after everything and gives me a clearer date if I do get a success next month.

Getting a bit fed up of all this now; ordered some Preseed and DH is getting jumped every damn day next cycle from the moment AF stops until my temperatures go up and stay up!!!

hiya all

just thought id drop a line to let u know current situation.

had scan today and my beans heart is beating. so i am so releaved. they said the pains cannot be explained, it could be because iv had a c-section, im streching and lifting to much etc so, so far so good, how are u all anyway? i hope u are all keeping well.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Spirael don't be disheartened yet - AF isn't here is she? She may on a 9month long world tour??
LOL at you jumping your dh everyday - sounds like me and my dh...

Bambino Thank you for updating us, glad to hear things are well with you - how far along are you now?

xxx

I'm pretty resigned to her arrival, Kaylo. The spotting is slowly getting heavier, which is how it usually starts for me. It'll be like losing kidneys tomorrow and Friday, I expect! Having cramps already is usually a bad sign though, means I'm likely in for a rough one. Ah well... I have Ben and Jerry's in the freezer!

I also have no symptoms in the slightest, I was just starting to notice some breast tenderness and taste changes last time before I got my BFP... I went off the taste of toothpaste, for some reason. But nothing at all this time, so I'm sure it was a dud month.

Ah well, I'm pretty sure next month is my month, anyway! My DH and best friend happen to share the same birthdate, so if I'm ever going to have a child, I'm positive that sods law will dictate that they're born on that day too - which is what the due date will be, given the start of this cycle! So if it's ever going to happen, next month will be it.

Kaylo- ahh such sweet words- you so dont have to say a word i know how it feels and then the self punishment i put myself through for months after! the obbessing and checking month to month, crying when i had a negative result, not speaking about my feelings and being quite angry thinking "why me, why did i have to lose my baby'!
Not saying this is how your dealing with it all different!
Spirael - cycle is back on track now so you can continue to jump DH and get on with mission 1 - BM !
Alys- how is work, how are you coping hope your taking it easy and one day at a time!

Im praying for you that.1 soon days wont be so long and your body recovers for you all, cycles return for you.

1. the missions - 1.BM. 2 BG 3.BC

I will keep checking in and seeing how you all are!

mama2b5 - I do sometimes think 'why me, why my baby?' but then I think of all the other ladies that must have said/thought that before me and it kind of brings it into perspective for me to think it's out of any one persons control. It's gods will if you believe in that.

Spirael - Hows you? I'm hoping still for you, and even if AF has got you - it shows your cycle is back in sync so there'll be no frustrating those doctors with dates

Alys - Hope you're ok chick, and hope people are still being nice to you.

Kisses - How are you coping hun? I know you've a lot on your plate at the minute and I really hope you're ok.

Bambino - Keep us updated girly

As for me, I'm cd24 today and wondering if its too early for symptoms? Too early to test but am craving sausage roll and baked beans I don't even like sausage rolls!

xx

Hey kaylo, I'm 3-4 weeks gone, only found out wednesday, my 3rd pregnancy, I am having the same sympotms as you,I didnt have them with my other pregnancys, I can totally understand what you are going through, I am scared, they gave me an internal scan which was an experience!! My bleeding is sporadic, not ongoing just in the morning and evening, I am back to the hospital today for a blood test to see if the HCG levels have dropped or increased,Hopefully they will have doubled.

Kaylo I wish you the best of luck and will be thinking of you...Take care..x

of Stephie you poor thing - what a worry!! I really hope it's unexplained and your bean is sticking in there

xxx