feeling really low...convinced baby is dead :-(

[Nemo1977]

hi all
i need to get this out cos my head is done in.
I am supposed to be 12wks tommorow but dont have another scan till 9th august. I had a scan at 8wks to check viability and they saw a heartbeat.
I just feel really bad at the min. I have had 3mcs in past and last was a missed mc where baby died at around 9wks. I dont know why i think baby is gone but i just feel it is. I am sitting here crying and getting stressed as i know there is nothing i can do. I am due to see mw again on tues but prob wont be able to hear hb with doppler as with ds i was 16wks before i could hear it.
I was feeling really sick etc until about 4 days ago. Everything has just stopped which i know can happen around now anyway but it isnt helping...i just dont know what to do my head is messed up. sorry for moaning but i just feel so lost

Hope this doesn't sound crass, but how about feigning false symptoms? My heart goes out to you...

Nemo,

Sorry to hear that you are going through all this misery. Let us know how you get on when you (or your dh) ring tomorrow. I feel sure that they must - if they have an ounce of humanity in them - give you an earlier scan than planned; hopefully tomorrow.

oh babes, I'm so sorry, these early stages are rubbish aren't they, we should be happy yet we spend the whole time paranoid and worried sick.

I'm 10/11 weeks and a while ago I lost all feelings of tiredness and sickness. I was so worried, then on the 4th day I suddenly had to go and wretch violently. It doesn't mean it's gone wrong babes but you are bound to be so worried.

Get another scan, one at 8 weeks and then nothing till August - bollocks to that babes, get on that phone in the morning. Explain why you are worried, lack of symptons and past history.

I shouldn't really say don't worry cos I know how I felt last week, and it's impossible not to, but please just try not to worry.

Lots of sympathetic love - TC x

Nemo1977 - I think it's absolutely outrageous that they've only scanned you once with your obstetric history. I've had three early miscarriages (antiphospholipid antibody syndrome) and am now in my 25th week with number 4, with medication. I had scans at 6 weeks, 9 weeks and 11 weeks. I refused the nuchal fold scan but had the 21 week scan. Has the cause of your previous miscarriages been investigated? My understanding (from the EPU at the Royal Free in North London and from a recently qualified doctor friend of mine now working on the south coast) is that you can self-refer to an EPU if you've had previous problems. Whether they understand this is another matter. I would stamp and rage - until they see you (or have you sectioned... )

If it's any consolation, I had the same feeling as yourself with this pregnancy: when the nausea subsided, but had yet to develop a bump, I had the feeling that I'd imagined it all and there was nothing going on inside. Now it's kicking my cervix on an hourly basis, I'm in no doubt it's in there (hollow laughter...).

Aloha: those statistics may be true for the general population, but they're not correct across the board. They're certainly not correct for women with my condition (which, incidentally, is the biggest single cause of recurrent miscarriage).

Nemo how are you today? any news from the hosp?

Nemo, I went through this last year and I can imagine what you are going through. My EPU were lovely and scanned me regularly, you must insist your EPU gives you a scan - that i what the unit is there for, to reassure women like you.

Pls dont try to find the hb yourself, as Mears has said, it's early days and you probably wont be able to hear it therefore causing more anxiety.

If you really cant get any offer of a scan, have you considered telling them you have had a small bleed? I did bleed thoughout the pregnancy which is why they scanned me so readily.

Nemo .. just wanted to add my voice to the 'kick up a fuss' brigade .. if I hadn't kicked up a fuss (and that's very against my character) I would never have had DD (my 2nd child)

please please just demand and insist and complain and even cry to get what you so obviously need

let me just clarify .. I meant 'conceived' 2nd child

hope you are feeling more positive today nemo

Thinking of you Nemo, I went through very similar feelings of horrible anxiety when I got pregnant after a stillbirth. The difference is that although my GP falls under Xena's famously crap HA I insisted on being referred back to my previous much better one and got wonderful care because they had a Bereavement Midwife looking after people like us. I was lucky to have that choice and am so and when I read posts like yours.
Don't stop at crying to get what you want. IMO tell them you are not sure you can continue the pregnancy as you are feeling so stressed and anxious. That should get them sitting up. Lie your head off to get the care you and all women in your position deserve.
Please let us know how you are today and how things have gone with your hospital. And please take comfort from Aloha's lovely reassuring info about viability
Lots of love XXX

Nemo, sweetie sorry I wasn't around yesterday for some support. Please let us know how your feeling today.

If your not up to chatting on here please log onto msn, I'm worried about you.

If you don't feel you can ring your hospital send me the number and I'll do it.

Thinking of you and sending you loads of big hugs and really positive vibes - I'm sure everything is fine!!!!!

Oh Nemo, I'm so sorry that you are feeling so bad.
Defintely time to kick up a stink. They really can't leave you feeling like this.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

((((((honey))))) i can come with you to the womens today if you want.

edodgy - are you up near Nemo - can you contact her???

I wish I could do more for her but I'm down south.

shes meant to be coming round to mine at 11 this morning (im the friend with the doppler) stupidly we dont have each others phone numbers as we either see each other face to face or communicate via msn! Im hoping she'll log on to msn in a bit.

yes I hope so too.

Hopefully having a go with your doppler will put her mind at rest today.

If she doesn't appear this morning can you please tell her I'm thinking of her and if she wants to chat then to contact me.

No don't try using the doppler, it will just make her feel worse

mears said not to see her post Thursday, 2 June, 2005 10:50:20 PM

I would stress again that it is not a good idea to try and find HB with doppler at this stage. As a midwife with skill I would not do it. It will only increase anxiety if it cannot be found which is highly likely at this stage in pregnancy. Nemo really should have a scan.

I agree twiglett i cant find my baby's with it either i want to go straight to the womens with her.

when i said i was the friend with the doppler i was just identifying myself as nemo has mentioned me further down.

Try phoning the central delivery suite at your hospital.

When we couldn't find the heartbeat of the last baby my mw told me to come back in 2 weeks and try again but if I was worried in the meantime I could go over to the hospital and they would see me immediatly.

I took myself over the next day coz I was so scared and unfortunatly they confirmed my worst fears.

I could have been waiting another 2 weeks if I'd listened to my mw - try and get her to go to the hospital today!!!! Just turn up - I'm sure they won't turn her away!!!

yeah good idea i just hope she signs into msn soon.

Nemo said last night she has the no. for the EPU. She should definately call that number and I am sure, given this history, they will see her.

Nemo,

I used to be a midwife. Aloha is right - the risk of miscarriage drops dramatically if they've seen a heartbeat after 6 weeks.

If you can't get any help from them why not "invent" a small bleed. Okay, okay - dreadful I know but I can guarantee they will scan you - especially given your history.

Nemo

Take all these wise ladies good advice, you need to put your mind at ease and get on with enjoying your pregnancy......

Take it easy xxx