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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

How do you decide whether or not to find out the sex of the baby at 20 wk scan?

35 replies

sifuentes · 02/07/2009 15:17

I am still a way off this stage but DP says he doesn't mind so long as I decide before I go in. I have been seriously dithering over this one. I can't wait to know but then is it a shame to ruin the surprise? (It will be my 1st)

People seem generally to fall quite firmly into one camp or another but I just can't make my mind up.

Is it better to get yuor head round what you're having? Does it take away some of the 'magic' of that it's a ...!! moment?

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Original poster

sifuentes · 02/07/2009 15:18

'it's a ...'
and

your

OP posts:

Pinkjenny · 02/07/2009 15:21

I wish I could help you. I found out with dd and I have to say I was so ecstatic that she was a girl that I never worried about 'ruining the surprise'. Although I must admit, I was never convinced they were right, and kept all my receipts for pink items until she was born.

I am pg with dc2 now, and really undecided. Half of me wants to experience what it's like to wait, the other half can't bear the anticipation. And dd keeps telling me, "it's a baby sister", so I'm not sure whether we need to find out in order to prepare her in case it's a ds.

Ceebee74 · 02/07/2009 15:29

I can't help you either as I always knew that I would find out both times - it is just my nature.

Are you always wanting to open Christmas/birthday presents before the day itself or are you happy to wait till the day itself ? (See I used to hunt round my parents bedroom to find where they had hidden them )

nightshade · 02/07/2009 15:30

the surprise elememt is great. i was convinced dd was a boy. it was really an added bonus to be wrong and be presented with a girl.

mosschops30 · 02/07/2009 15:32

I didnt want to know with first as it didnt matter either way (and still doesnt really) but after dd we really wanted a boy so found out ds was a ds.
He is sooo lovely and dd is such a menace that we wanted to know this time just so we could mentally prepare if was a girl , but we are blessed with another ds who hopefully wont turn into sulky moody teenager (as per dd).

Its a very personal thing, and only you and dh can decide

Scorps · 02/07/2009 15:34

I'm pg with dc4, and have my scan in 5 weeks. Hoping everything else is healthy, i don't know wether to ask. I really think DH wants to know; we have always known before. This is our last baby though and i kind of wonder about having a total suprise, that i discover the gender after birth.

But then, how can i do another 25 weeks of 'what are you' wondering to my tummy??

flowerybeanbag · 02/07/2009 15:38

Well I am nosey and didn't want anyone else knowing something about my baby before I did! With DS as he was the first I was desperate for any piece of information that I could get my hands on to make me feel more prepared. So we found out.

With DC2, when I had a scan a couple of weeks ago I hadn't decided but when the sonographer asked me just I couldn't say no - the information was there, she knew, so I wanted to know as well!

As it happens she was only 75% sure anyway so we're checking again tomorrow. I'm glad I know though. I can stop panicking about girls names now.

olivo · 02/07/2009 15:56

sifuentes - i think first time round, it boiled down to the fact that we really didnt mind whether we had a boy or a girl; some people are really set on one or the other. we were never going to buy pink/blue things for a nursery so we had a surprise! everyone kept speculating that it was a boy - the way i was carrying, the various ailments, cravings etc,so i had to ask twice when 'she' arrived!!

this time round, we dont have a prefernece either,the only reason i might have found out was because dd wants a sister, but we have got around it by saying it is probably a boy (which i think it is!) and then if so, she might be a bit more used to it, if not she'll be pleased anyway!

although i have to say, now having late scans i am a bit tempted....

forehead · 02/07/2009 16:03

It is only worth asking the sex if you have a preference, this will enable you to get used the idea before the baby is born. I have three children and only found out the sex of the second child. My dsis also has three children and did not find out the sex for any of them.

KatyS36 · 02/07/2009 17:43

we didn't ask, primarily based on the fact that they sometimes get it wrong.

Whilst we would be delighted with either, I would be really disappointed if it was the 'wrong' sex after gettign really excited about what sex it was going to be.

dal21 · 02/07/2009 17:53

With DS, we didnt want to know. Wanted the surprise. And it was lovely!

With this little bean, we may be inclined to find out - simply to help DS prepare for the arrival.

porcupine11 · 02/07/2009 18:05

I think only find out if you don't care either way. I really really really wanted a girl, so I didn't find out as I didn't want to feel sad for 20 weeks if it was a boy.

I had a feeling that I wouldn't care once the baby was born, and I was right - we had a boy and he's amazing. Before you have a baby you can only really imagine your baby in terms of other children you have met. The reality is completely different of course, and 10 million times better!

It also stopped people assigning names to the 'bump' which was a good thing!

Kingsroadie · 02/07/2009 21:42

I'm having my 20 week scan in 2 weeks and we've decided we're going to find out the sex for a number of reasons:

I am incredibly impatient (ahem or a slight control freak) and don't like knowing I have a "surprise" waiting for me. But I like being surpised if you know what I mean? Basically I couldn't wait to find out.
We are convinced it's a boy and refer to it as "he" - along with everyone else we know as it has rubbed off. So we think we'd betterfind out in case it's a girl! (I have no pref btw would be behappy with either)
My husband doesn't want to have the sonographer avoid any "areas" and be told to look away ( and in any event apparently sometimes it's really obvious...). He originally was the one not keen on finding out.

So those were our reasons but it's a very personal decision and, it being my first pregnancy, can't speak with any experience!

philopastry · 02/07/2009 22:06

I didn't find out either time. For me it was like being a kid again at Christmas, and knowing you had a fantastic present to come but you had to wait for a certain day and then you would find out what it was. I found it so magical to not know until they arrived. I can't think of many genuine really exciting surprises that you get as an adult - and I needed to wait until I had the baby to really feel that I had enjoyed mine to the full.

Having said that it is an entirely personal decision - you should do what feels right for you.

YanknCock · 02/07/2009 23:59

I'm exactly the same as Ceebee74, I used to hunt for my Christmas presents beforehand! I was desperate to know, and like someone else said, I think it's good to know if you have a preference. At least for me it was--I was secretly hoping for a boy, but convinced it was a girl. I just wanted to know for certain so I could get used to the idea. Turns out I was wrong, and he is a boy!

I can't imagine knowing is going to take away anything from the moment of his birth. We've also had a 3D scan and I think it has helped us (especially DH) bond more with him.

Original poster

sifuentes · 03/07/2009 16:13

Thanks everyone for your answers. I don't mind what I get at all and the more I think about it the more fun it would be to wait. HOWEVER look away in a scan?? impossible. so maybe what will be will be.

Anyway I had the 12 weeker today and am revelling in the happiness of the fact that I have a real live completely gorgeous baby in my tummy with two hands and two feet and everything. Feeling very proud

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EldonAve · 03/07/2009 16:17

We found out with DC1 but not with DC2
I wanted to know the 2nd time but didn't want to tell everyone

So I kept quiet during the scan and waited to see if the sonographer asked us if we wanted to know - DH didn't say anything & she never asked so it was a surprise

flowerybeanbag · 03/07/2009 16:23

Well we had another scan this morning, and there was no way anyone looking even vaguely in the direction of the screen wouldn't have noticed it was a boy, it was very obvious!

jbambie · 03/07/2009 17:04

We asked with our 1st but they couldnt tell us, litle onkey was crossing his legs. But was convinced all the way through i was having a boy and i was right. I am pregnant again and definatly want to know if we can so we can prepare our son.

Longtalljosie · 03/07/2009 17:33

Hmm... in terms of you being able to see for yourself - our PCT don't tell you so we ended up going for a private scan. We just wanted to know! Anyway - on the NHS 20 week scan you got a clear look at the bits and I could have sworn there were testicles. One gender scan later - apparently not!

Ceebee74 · 03/07/2009 20:30

I guess it depends whether you can tell yourself.

With DS2, the sonographer was describing what she was doing and it was 'here's one leg, (then she quickly whizzed over what looked like another leg ) oh and here's the other leg (having found the third leg). She didn't mention it until the end when she asked us if we wanted to know - and when we said we did, she said 'oh, he's not been shy in letting you know'.

It was VERY obvious!!

AvonBarksdale · 03/07/2009 20:42

I think if there's a part of you that doesn't want to know then you shouldn't find out. We didn't and I saw that dd was a girl as soon as she was born; I truly think that my whole experience of birth was made many times better for finding out in those first few dazed moments afterwards. I'm now 32 weeks with dc2 and have no idea what it is - tbh I am happy enough just knowing I'm having another baby, I can't wait for that wonderful finding out moment to happen again.

olivo · 03/07/2009 21:20

I'm amazed that come of you could tell from the scans - i have had several scans this time to check on growth etc but can never tell what is meant to be what!!

so, we'll be having a surprise (i still think ti's a boy though!!)

Bibithree · 03/07/2009 21:23

I truly believed I was having a boy from the off, so decided to find out because I didn't want to be unprepared for a girl. Turns out DD1 was in there.
The second time we found out because it was twins and I needed to know if I could get rid of all Dd1s things or keep them. We kept them, 2 more girls.

jellybeans · 03/07/2009 21:37

I found out with my later ones as before that my hospital would not tell you. I had lost a DD and then found out I was having twins and I needed to mentally prepare and possibly buy loads more stuff if they were both boys, which they were. The excitement is still great even though it is 20 weeks or so earlier than you are 'supposed to' know. I then sadly lost another DD late in pregnancy and was desperate to find out to bond with the new baby and I couldn't cope with more surprises. Also, there was a chance we would loose this baby late too so we wanted to enjoy it while we could. It was a DS and I was relieved in many ways as it felt more like a 'different' baby as having a DD again would have felt weird. I never regretted finding out and it gave me lots of time to really bond.

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