Just been offered a job, am a couple of months gone with twins and my employers don't know

[lolianja]

Perhaps foolishly I said nothing during the interview and didn't worry too much afterwards because I came across like such a disaster-attracting clown that I didn't think I had an icicle's chance in hell of ever being let into the building ever again, let alone given a job! Fortunately and unfortunately, it seems I was wrong.

The job's in central London, I'm 20 year old, have recently moved to Solihull from Essex with my partner and we have a three-month-old boy. Now two more babies on the way - don't ask.

I assume I'm legally obliged to tell my new employers about the pregnancy, but at what stage? I know in theory they can't give me my marching orders because I'm pregnant but does this actually apply in practice?

I feel very daft for lying (by omission) now and am wondering what I ought to do next.

Thanks in advance.

Have just tried to post this on the other thread but it was deleted.

I feel responsible for the troll hunt by my question about the aspirin, and I'm sorry if you feel got at. A lot of your story doesn't add up, and you share a lot of features with recent trolls - young, articulate (or speak in txt spk),major dramatic events, significant relationship problems. None of these alone would bother me - I only asked the question about the aspirin when I'd already raised my eyebrows about other stuff.

Please answer - why do you want this job given you are effectively going to be paying a significant amount to work there? And giving up a lot of your time at home. Who will be dropping the DCs off at nursery and picking them up? Who will pick them up if they're ill?

By bigchris on Wed 03-Jun-09 10:37:39
I beleive you too
guys just do a search on her name if you have to, she says on here back in april she got pregnant after a failed MAP when her lo was 8 weeks

if she got pregnant when her little one was 8 weeks old, how could she be 10 weeks pregnant with twins with a 3 month, i.e 12 week old. ? unless my maths is v v wrong

if not, then the OP needs some immediate help to get out of this clearly abusive relationship

I think we should try to be a bit careful about shouting "troll". Clearly this poster has had an eventful few weeks!

If it's made up, and we identify her as a troll, we feel all good about ourselves etc and presumably the OP slinks away with her tail between her legs.

But if it's real, and everyone thinks she's a troll, then we have just cut off someone at a very emotional time, who was seeking help for her problems. She's not asking for money, she's not asking anyone to do anything for her, she's just asking for advice, and if there's even a small chance that everything lolianja has posted over the past few days is happening, then she really does need help and support. And hey, if she's a troll, and we offer help and support anyway, no-one has really lost out, and maybe someone else with similar issues, but too scared to post, will read the threads and gain some comfort from them.

I'm a bit slow! What's a troll?

Hmm. If you mean it seems unlikely then yeah, but why would anyone make it up? There seems to be no motive! Also young, just had a baby- you're at your most fertile so you only need to have sex once and you can be pregnant immediately.

Re the job- if that's the original question- I think it's likely to be too demanding on you and tiring, with the commute and the multiple offspring.
If you decide to take it, is it worth all the effort- with the cost of train fares and nursery fees to pay out of 3 days salary?

If you don't go for the job it doesn't mean you'll be stuck in Solihull forever, have a think about what you want to do and use this time to do courses etc, even OU courses. You could start a university course as well before the twins are born.

If you do go for it, then good luck, you shouldn't tell them straight away but you will look much bigger with twins and you won't be able to hide it forever. I'd advise you to wait for a couple of months and then tell them. There is nothing they can do. If you get really tired you can take your maternity leave from 29 weeks.

I'd still like to know what a troll is!

It's not just the MAP. How many 20 year olds do you know who would describe something as "two feet" long, or so many inches? I am 34 and wouldn't have a clue about inches (apart from knowing that one foot - 30cm - 12"). It just does not ring true.

Loli hope you are OK. Please ignore the shouts of troll as I think hanging around mumsnet for 6 months before asking these questions seems like a lot of work for a troll!

I don't understand why you are considering the commute anyway. You have only lived with him for a few weeks and previously lived with your parents. He has shown himself to be a dangerously unstable and manipulative individual and your relationship is over so, move back to your parents and commute to London from Essex.

He can pay half your childcare and commute to see his kids if that's what you want. If its ok for you to commute to London from Solihull everyday while pregnant and with a 3 month baby then surely it is ok for him to commute every weekend to see his kids?

I think you are mad for considering this. You have a 3 month old, and a baby on the way. In fear of being flamed, how do you expect you will manage a full-time job with a tiny baby and pregnant?

I have an 18 month old, a 4 month old and I am 3 months pregnant, so I KNOW how hard it is.

I would think about it before you accept.

You will have to tell them before your 3 month trial (as standard) is up so you are eligable to not be taken on beyond your 3 month period.

Fair enough re the inches etc. It's just that they haven't been taught in schools except as "and this is how they did it in ye olden days" for quite a while(Though at almost 30 Reality you are almost a gimmer - hope you don't mind my saying so)

Provinciallady- I'm in my twenties and I have no idea how tall I am in feet and inches 5 foot something or other.. hmm...!!!

I do think OP you are making your life harder than it has to be- if you wish to stay with your partner then I wouldn't worry about commuting to London at the moment (then again any excuse I get and I avoid work!) and your 3 month old needs you. Fair enough if it's only 3 days a week etc etc, but with twins on the way, and the big commute, it's a long hard day and a lot of stress that you don't need. Also with twins you run a high risk of preterm labour- not good to be in a central london office mid-contraction with bemused suited colleagues looking on (trust me I've been there).

If you don't want to be in your relationship, then why not move back to Essex nearer parents and friends, and presumably perhaps free childcare- or at least somebody able to collect ds from nursery if you are at work and he needs to go home earlier-and commute from there? It's much closer to London and much less stressful for you, I'd have thought.

I think you need to make the decision based on how likely it is that your relationship will succeed, and how awkward it will be for you having to 'fess up to your new employer during your trial period.

Let us know what you decide!

PS I don't get why anyone would bother being a troll, seems like a whole lot of effort for no apparent reason?

sm - I think if you got it you'd be doing it. I have never understood trolls - have occasionally name changed for a wind up (minor) but can't imagine building a persona over months / years - too much like hard work!
That said I don't get the attraction in potholing or those stupid war games...each to their own!

reality.

I thought you were going to be 21???

made the card and everything....

anything to flash me yet on your hand?!?!?!?!

Hang in there.

I ruined it when DH asked me so be patient and never talk weddings.

I couldn't tell if that was a command or an answer!! oh these pregnancy hormones are turning me fuzzy

That's pretty odd though, unless it's real and just involves a name change or something to conceal normal identity whilst still requiring genuine response to genuine problem. Just making it up is quite strange. No?

Oh dear I am feeling so out of touch! I am clearly too old and uncool!

LG means people troll for attention, sockmonster

I'm sorry to sound cynical, but the whole story just doesn't really add up... Why an earth commute all that way for a part time admin job?! Are there no part time admin jobs in the Solihul area? I'm fully aware of all the legal implications ref statutory rights when pregant and working - but surely if carrying twins - you need to have even more rest so committing to this job would be just crazy!
I cannot get my head around why someone would even contemplate it with a 3 month old and twins on the way! She doesn't seem to be show any concern about leaving her baby in a nursery so far away, not to mention the strain on her health carrying twins.
I don't normally post, but reading this post really has astounded me!!!

I didn't understand LG's post either

got it fabulous- thanks!

Took me a while... (scans web for signs of early onset alzheimers...)

aah!