Just been offered a job, am a couple of months gone with twins and my employers don't know

[lolianja]

Perhaps foolishly I said nothing during the interview and didn't worry too much afterwards because I came across like such a disaster-attracting clown that I didn't think I had an icicle's chance in hell of ever being let into the building ever again, let alone given a job! Fortunately and unfortunately, it seems I was wrong.

The job's in central London, I'm 20 year old, have recently moved to Solihull from Essex with my partner and we have a three-month-old boy. Now two more babies on the way - don't ask.

I assume I'm legally obliged to tell my new employers about the pregnancy, but at what stage? I know in theory they can't give me my marching orders because I'm pregnant but does this actually apply in practice?

I feel very daft for lying (by omission) now and am wondering what I ought to do next.

Thanks in advance.

nickschick - you said she couldn't do the job

'what about the company who have employed you to do a job you cannot physically do for a least 3 months in the next 12 months..'

That was what I said even with the best will in the world the OP will need to deliver her babies and take some period of rest before and after.

"but you cant actually do the job"

You said this at 11pm last night.

nickschick - but it's the same for any employee who is pregnant - makes no difference however long you have been in the job. There is no need to turn down a job for that reason!

OHH I didnt go back that far - what I mean is that she interviewed as a mum with a small dc prepared to commute thats if she told them of the commute.

When in effect she has a baby 2 more on the way and has a helluva commute- at some point soon she ~wont be able to do the job whether thats because shes in labour or because she has pregnancy problems.

Logistically this sounds like a bit of a nightmare, but the logistics are your business.

Otherwise you were right not to tell them about your pregnancy. You are only a couple of months along and so it is really too early to tell people anyway. Not many women would ordinarily tell an employer at this stage so why tell an interviewer? From one perspective it is actually better to not tell the interviewer since then it puts them under pressure to ensure that the pregancy is not taken into account in making their decision.
You'll need to tell them pretty soon after starting, so that they can ensure their health and safety stuff is sorted if nothing else. If you tell them before you start, do make sure you have your offer in writing - this means they won't be able to withdraw it and claim it wasn't a firm offer.
Good luck - I hope it works out for you.

But she can do it now.

lolianja , I really can't see how this will work, regardless of the morals of whetehr you've told them or not.

Fwiw, it's no bad thing you haven't and like others have said, you don't have to anyway.

But, as one poster mentioned above, you'd have to get a train at 0627. Surely this means that your OH would have to do all drop offs at nursery? If you split this could be a bit difficult. You would have to have an agreement in place (regardless of whetehr you'll be together) that he will have to do drop offs and pick ups, and additionally be around to pick up if any of them were ill whilst at nursery.

You say 'I really need some independence from him' but with 3 under 1 you might need to be a bit dependent on him, toghther or not, if you start a job so far away.

Will working 3 days a week be worth it financially after paying for nursery fees for all 3, and after paying for your commute (or does the comapny pay for that? Genuine question)

If you are definately wanting to take the job, could you do what Headfairy did, and ask if they could delay your start date until the twins are 3 months? (or whenever you think you'd be returning to work)

I dont think it really matters about morals and when to tell the employer, in my eyes its the physical strain you will put yourself under that you need to consider.

Having a 3 month old baby is hard enough due to the lack of regular sleep, add in a pregnancy and its harder, factor in a twin pregnancy and its a major strain on your body!

The commute alone is going to mean you will be out the house at least 3 hours then your actual working hours , that in itself is tiring, then you will get home and have a young baby to care for before going to bed for a broken nights sleep!

Then there is the cost of the nursery and if you are leaving a 3 month old for 3 full days a week it will soon add up (and will probably be too much for them) add on travel costs and time off for child related sickness. Surely there wont be enough wages left over to make the effort worth it?

You may not have been large with your first pregnancy but this time may be different!
I didnt show till I was nearly 7 months with DS, yet have had a very noticable bump since 20 weeks with these twins and now at 27 weeks look ready to give birth any day!!

It is very different being pregnant with twins and can really limit your activity later on, so although the commute maybe ok to start with it will get alot harder very quickly!!

Fair enough if you take the job and manage it but personally I cant believe it pays enough money to put yourself under that kind of pressure and strain!

Good luck with whatever you decide and hope you have a trouble free twin pregnancy x

I tell you what, more than anything it makes me realise how old I am. There is no way I'd even contemplate this sort of scenario as a 38 year old. At 20 maybe you've got the energy, but it does sound unnecessarily hard on you. I still think moving somewhere in between is a better bet.

Bloody Nora has it got busy in here - I'll be here all week! Will try to answer all I can.

The train in question is actually a 7:03, not a 6:27. Also, work finishes at 3:30 and it's a 10 minute walk to the station from the office. Also daycare, the "home" station and our house are all within a short distance of each other. I've done trial runs and it is completely doable. I appreciate this will all become immeasurably trickier as I get large but it isn't difficult at the moment.

Had I been further along I absolutely would have told them about the pregnancy. But I was only 9 weeks (to the day) at the interview and I just didn't feel right telling them, somehow. Please don't think I don't derive any pleasure from telling porkies to the innocent! I will tell them asap but I'm glad people don't think I was obliged to. That is reassuring.

Pro rata this job is earning a fair bit and an awful lot more than I'd be likely to get sans degree, experience etc. All I've done prior to this in terms of work is waitressing, barmaid stuff at 17/18 and fashion modelling since I was 15. This is a fantastic opportunity for me - in a way of course I wish it had come at a different time. A year ago I expected I'd be at university by now, possibly single. Certainly not tied to my 34-year-old partner with one baby and numbers two and three on the way. I feel terribly guilty about leaving my lovely little (if you can call a 27 inch baby who was 2 feet at birth that!) son but I was losing my mind stuck at home and when I had the opportunity to apply for this job I just grasped it.

chuffinell - My son was about a month old when these two were conceived. It seems even taking the MAP 9 hours after the deed is far from being a guaranteed get out of jail free card. Which I knew on an intellectual level of course, just didn't think I'd be one of the unlucky minority that gets caught out. D'oh.

Well, good luck with the commute. I have got to admire you for not saying bollocks to it and staying at home for the rest of your pregnancy.

WRT the being pregnant at intierview, you say you were 9 weeks, so realistically you may not have known that you were pregnant. To be honest I would white lie it, tell your employers that you had no idea you were pregnant and it is a great surprise. I know that you said earlier in the thread that you knew you were pregnant from early on, however your employers are not to know that, and they certainly won't ask to see your medical records to prove it. However I probably would tell them sooner rather than later, it is only fair that they have the heads up.

Good luck to you. What is the job by the way?

I disagree with posters who suggest you should say you didn't know you were pregnant at interview. There is nothing wrong with interviewing for a job when you are pregnant, just as there is nothing wrong with not saying anything about your condition. You were the best candidate. Another candidate might hate the position and leave after a few weeks or might get sick and take months off - at least with pregnancy they have lots of warning. Just tell them you are pregnant, that it was too early to tell them before and leave it at that. Make noises to the effect that you think of this job as a long term prospect etc etc; since it is a permanent position that is the right thing to do.

They will be fine, honestly, because they have to be. They might not be thrilled, but they will get over it.

Hi GOML. It's department admin stuff, not wildly exciting (I'm sure it'll be mind-numbing at times) but it's a fast-paced company and will at least require a modicum of brain activity! I'm really just so happy I even got it. It was virtually all blokes and they seemed a lot older than me (admittedly I'd look 9 if it weren't for big tits and being over 5'10!) so I am slightly flabbergasted, particularly after I made a COMPLETE arse of myself at the interview - lame jokes, tripping over and hitting my head on the door frame on the way back up etc etc - and cringed all the way home. And I'm ordinarily totally shameless. I guess everybody else must just have been rotten!

Forgot to add (in reference to a question asked earlier on in the thread) - I'm from Essex, yes. My boyfriend and I only moved up here a few weeks back for his job and my family (parents, two younger sisters) are down there. Prior to this I'd always lived at home and boyfriend had lived with a couple of housemates since his divorce. So this is my first time living away from home! Shame he's turned out to be a needy overgrownschoolboyish twonk. But we live and learn, I 'spose.

I'm only in my first pregnancy so can't really comment on the logistics and how you feel, but it does really sound like you've worked through all of this.

Re the ethics side, I don't see any problem with what you have done. I've had friends who have gone for new jobs when pregnant due to opportunities coming up. My view is that society as a whole has decided that these are the rights you have as a woman, so you should make the most of them and not feel guilty. I also think the odd white lie does noone any harm - they can't exactly ask to see your medical records!

I'm saddened at the hostility you have recieved from other posters.

Good luck!

We had a new employee in our office in November and she told us in January she was 17-weeks pregnant. We're all very happy for her and have been fawning over pictures of her son who was born last Friday. If you're good at your job, their main worry will be whether you will return, so long as you reassure them about that I'm sure they'll be fine. I wouldn't tell them yet, personally, as I think it's perfectly reasonable that you wouldn't want to say anything in the first trimester. Legally they can't withdraw the offer from you, but I've worked in HR long enough to know that a lot of companies couldn't give a stuff about the law as they know how difficult it is to challenge them. I'm sure you'll work things out logistically. After all, if you stay with your partner he can do the nursery drop off on the 3 days you work and if you leave him you can move closer to the job. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

be careful about reassuring them you'll return - you have no idea of what might happen or how you'll feel and it'll just dig a deeper hole if you end up not wanting to return.
Not saying this will happen or being a bringer of doom btw - I have been working FT since DS was about 16 months - but you never know.
I really think the logistics of this will be a nightmare - but that's not what you asked in the OP!

OP - sorry to be boringly dull and mother henish - but aside from all the physical side of being pregnant etc - does this job really add up financially? I'm struggling a bit with the idea that three days salary - at about 6 hours a day - will cover your train fares let alone your childcare bill - forgive me for asking - but you have done your sums haven't you?

Congratulations on the job offer and the pregnancy. I wouldn't feel bad about not telling your prospective employers about the pregnancy. Why write off the next few productive months and beyond? Scenarios like this one (and the idea that you should forfeit the job) surely account for the wage disparity between men and women.

Your posts are very well written and the interviewers must have noticed that you're articulate (and good at slapstick). They love you, they want to hire you, so let them!

I've read your other post and I think that it's only a good thing that it's in London, i.e. away from him and closer to your family. At the very least having a job seems like a great opportunity to get some independence from your partner.

Have a look at this

In terms of if you tell them prior to formally accepting - it's totally up to you. If you'd feel more comfortable telling them at this stage, then I would do so. Bear in mind though, that most people don't tell until they're 12 weeks.

Nickschick's view may well be a common one (I don't know), but it's not one which is allowed within employment law. Sorry, Nickschick. I assume you turned down the SS job of your own volition?

When I had my pregnancy risk assessment, I was told to steer clear of heavy loads, scuba diving, night work and sheep (not necessarily in that order!) Admin has very little of all that. Particularly the sheep.

I would, however, echo what the others have said about how wearing commuting is. Mine's an hour and a quarter and I'm finding it very hard now. Although since your day is relatively short that may ameliorate the situation somewhat.

Is your partner able to pick up from nursery in case of a sudden problem?

Ithink it probably would be a good idea for you to have a job closer to home, rather than get a job in Solihull and feel 'stuck' there. Hopefully your parents will be able to help if things go awry with your partner. Bloody good on you by the way for being so upbeat and proactive about things.

what happened to the other thread?

Hope nothing terribly nasty happened on the other thread for it to get deleted.

The OP probably asked for it to go.

Lots of troll shouting going on.

In a way I hope this is all a lie because it must be absolutely horrible to be going through this situation and be called a liar on top of it

You had good and sensible advice on both threads. This job seems to be your lifeline atm and moving closer to London doesn't sound like a bad idea at all. You'll be entitled to council housing, benefits and practical and emotional support from Homestart.

I do hope you look and think of yourself and that whatever decision you come to works out for you and your DC.