Just been offered a job, am a couple of months gone with twins and my employers don't know

[lolianja]

Perhaps foolishly I said nothing during the interview and didn't worry too much afterwards because I came across like such a disaster-attracting clown that I didn't think I had an icicle's chance in hell of ever being let into the building ever again, let alone given a job! Fortunately and unfortunately, it seems I was wrong.

The job's in central London, I'm 20 year old, have recently moved to Solihull from Essex with my partner and we have a three-month-old boy. Now two more babies on the way - don't ask.

I assume I'm legally obliged to tell my new employers about the pregnancy, but at what stage? I know in theory they can't give me my marching orders because I'm pregnant but does this actually apply in practice?

I feel very daft for lying (by omission) now and am wondering what I ought to do next.

Thanks in advance.

grrrr will =with....you ability = your ability .

Don't agree. First of all, her employers are able to get maternity pay credited back to them. So, they haven't lost out.

Why do you all care about her employers so much

Im not thinking just about her employers -its the honesty aspect,plus many years ago I myself had to turn down a very good job within the SS because I had discovered I was pregnant.

It's not about maternity pay, it's about someone keeping something majorly job effecting secret at an interview. As I'm sure you are aware, pg women can take a fair bit of time off during pregnancy (not all do, but some do) and up to a year of maternity leave. So not exactly the person the employer thought they were hiring. If you think it's no biggy then it'd be no biggy to tell them at the interview.

That doesn't mean I wouldn't hire her. If I thought lolianja was the right person for the job then I'd be happy, providing she told me up front, to work around her pregnancy as I'd be hiring her for the longterm. She has already made a plan for her existing child to be in nursery and from the sound of it, the twins will be there too, so I wouldn't be worried that she was just taking the job to last until she went off to be a SAHM. If I knew up front then there could be arrangements made for which days she worked to suit midwife appointments (mine only works a certain day out of my local surgery, so if I were in lolianja's situation, it would be best for me if I didn't have that as one of my 3 working days), maybe some home working being set up, etc.

I think a 1.5 hour commute when you're pregnant with twins and have a young baby at home is going to be absolutely exhausting.

I would imagine it would be a lot longer than 1.5 hours - and the tube in the summer (and winter come to think of it) can be horrendous without the added element of pregnancy!

Well, bloody hell aside from the main question raised about when to tell employers when pregnant, what I am astounded about is that anyone would want to commute from Solihull to London 3 days a week with a young baby to consider.

I think either by train or car this would be exhausting. I do a pretty long commute - I take my dd to school (from Gloucester to Cheltenham) and then from her school to my work in Bristol, and then back again at the end of the day - is over 100 miles round trip every day, all in rush hour madness. And she is 13 - not a baby, she understands that at the end of every day I am knackered and need to sit down and have a glass of wine cup of tea - you will have a 1 year old and a pair of twins. Christ only knows how you will cope.

I do understand that this is the dream job, but I am sure that very soon that gloss will wear off. I am in the most brilliant job imaginable for someone in my field, my commute is far less than yours will be, and I am permanently knackered. I leave the house at 6.15 and get in at 7.30. Your commuting times will be worse.

I commend the fact that you want to carry on building your career and want some independence from your partner, however I would urge you to think very long and hard about this. I know you are young, but you are not indestructable, however I think I would be right in saying that a pregnancy with twins will be very different from a pregnancy with one. The last thing you will need is a nightmare commute, a baby in nursery to constantly fret about (you will be caught up in traffic or late trains and end up being late picking up - it is inevitable) and a fraught pregnancy. Think long and hard before accepting this job.

I was in the a similar situation to the OP a few months ago - had a job interview, found out I was pregnant the next day, thought nothing more of the interview, then was offered the job - I informed them immediately of the pregnancy, and the job offer still stood - I have now been working here for 2 weeks and am 24 weeks pregnant. Won't get maternity pay (as haven't been here long enough), but will get statutory leave, which is good.

As far as I understand it, under UK law, you do not need to disclose your pregnancy until 15 weeks before the due date, plus which they cannot retract an employment offer or fire you for being pregnant as it considered discriminatory. Time off for ante natal clinics and other doctors appts must be allowed (I think). Basically, they cannot discriminate against you for being pregnant, and must treat you as they would any other employee, no matter your gender.

That said, I'm doing a 30-40 minute commute each way, and it's knackering me - I'm already getting concerned about later on in the pregnancy - and this is my first, so I have no other children to worry about yet!

Good luck in making a decision!

I think you were right not to tell at interview - you wouldn't want them either to discriminate or to feel they must give you the job to demonstrate they are not discriminating. This way you know you've got the job on your own merits.

However I do think you're bonkers. If you want to get to a London job by 9, you will need to get the 0627 train from Solihull.... 2 hours before you even set foot on the tube or bus.

I also think you were right not to tell them you were pregnant at interview. It has no bearing on your ability to do the job.

What you need to decide is whether you do actually want this job. It sounds like a hell of a commute. If it's just office work, can you not find something closer to home?

If you really need the money then go for it and they'll just have to deal with the fact that you're pregnant.

If you do decide to take the job then they will have no way of knowing that you knew you were pregnant at interview so I wouldn't tell them that.

How about you speak to potential employer, explain that you're delighted you've been offered the job and really want to accept - but you've just found out you're pregnant. Explain that you think you can still do the job, but that you wanted to give them the option to reconsider in light of this.

If they really think you're great for the job, the chances are they'll be happy to take you on anyway and will appreciate your professional approach for fessing up.

As a manager, I'd be pretty fed up if this happened to me - not because of the person being pregnant/time off etc, but because they'd started the job with a lie - it makes you wonder what else they're hiding.

What are your ties in Essex - is that where you're originally from/have family? If you seriously think that things are a bit rocky with your partner, is it the case that you might end up back in the South East if things go wrong? In which case a job in London would give you much better prospects.

It's tricky as they've offered you the job. If they withdraw the offer now after you tell them you're pregnant, it would be grounds for sex discrim.

So, you need to decide whether you want the job.

The OP isn't being dishonest. If she was joining the army, going into active service, or applying for a job as a deep sea diver, then, yes, her ability to do the job may be compromised. She's working in an office.

The full legal position - they can't retract an offer of employment on the grounds of pregnancy. If they do it is discrimination. So unless you want to tell them out of the kindness of your heart I would not bother.

If you decide to accept the offer you will still be entitled to maternity leave (although not pay). You have to advise them 15 weeks before EWC (due date) of: your pregnancy; your EWC; date on which you wish to start leave.

Don't forget the law recently changed - if you use your ordinary mat leave of 26 weeks, you can use your additional maternity leave (another 26 weeks) and are entitled to return at the end of this period provided it is practical.

I have just been studying this area of law for work. Good luck.

I can't understand why so many Mumsnetters seem to think that you are morally obliged to tell them at this stage. If you were continuing in an existing job then you wouldn't have to tell them yet, and starting a new job is NO DIFFERENT.

Even if you had mentioned it at interview, the interviewers would have had to ignore the information or they would have been discriminating - so it wouldn't have made any difference.

To the Mumsnetters who feel that there is a moral obligation to tell them now - did you feel obliged to reveal your pregnancy to your employer straight away, or did you omit to mention your pregancy for a while until you were ready to discuss it? Well, the exact same thing applies even if starting a new job.

In fact, as far as I am aware, even if you are the size of a house when being interviewed, the interviewers cannot ask whether you are pregnant (unless you bring it up yourself) as it should be treated as entirely irrelevant to the interview.

lolianja your only consideration at this stage is whether you are happy with your decision to go for this job, which you definitely seem to be. After that, I think that legally you are obligated to tell them about your pregnancy by the time you are 25 weeks.

Anyway, having offered you the job, they can't retract the offer because you are pregnant as that would be disciminatory, so telling them is not going to make much difference is it? Tell them at the same stage as any other employee would.

Congratulations about landing a great job, particularly in this economy, and hope it all goes well for you! (Job and children!)

not being funny or anything but how can you be a couple of months gone with twins and only have a 3 month old baby?

Clearly no, you don't HAVE to tell them, but it doesn't look particularly good. I must admit that I would tell them once the job offer was confirmed. In the same way you don't have to tell your employers that you are emigrating to Australia in 6 months time, but it doesn't look particularly good if you take a new job and then it becomes amply clear in the first few months that you are emigrating, and knew before you took the job. I'm not arguing that you shouldn't take the job - just that you should tell them, matter of factly, at a reasonably early stage.

Bramshott WHY should she tell than at a reasonably early stage, when other employees wouldn't have to?

nickschick - being pregnant with a child doesn't make you incapable of working.

She doesn't have to at all, but given that they are obliged not to discriminate and given that she is entitled to a risk assessment, I would have thought she might want to. Don't you think it might have consequences for your ongoing relationship with your employer if it became clear that you had witheld this kind of fairly major information at job offer stage?

You were right not to tell them. When I found out I was pregnant with DD I went out and got a job, without telling the employer. Admittedly it was only a 6-month contract, but by the time I did come to tell them it was clear they wanted me permanently. Then I only worked three months of it due to SPD

I'm too paranoid now to write on what's happened this pregnancy, with my boss knowing early on. But my advice is to do what you are legally obliged to.

Getting a 06:27 train with a baby at nursery is surely not going to fly, unless your partner does drop off. But you think you are going to split up soon so he might not be as willing to do drop offs then.

Forget the moral side of things I think logistically you are nuts for considering this.

Bramshott all of us withold information about our pregnancy until we are ready to discuss it with our employer and/or want a risk assessment to be undertaken. In my case I waited until 13 weeks. Similarly lolianja should decide herself when is a suitable time to discuss it - there is no need for her to bring it up at interview / job offer stage. No employer should expect to be told until there is a legal obligation to do so, and certainly my employer didn't hold it against me - hers shouldn't either.

how long has your DS been in nursery. My DS was sick on and off for 6 weeks when starting nursery at 11months, ad they do expect you to drop everything and pick him up.
This sounds like a nightmare situation to me - I really can't imagine how this situation would ever be workable.

I had a fairly similar situation with my first. I was pg when I went for an interview (albeit only about 6 weeks, so really early, had no idea it was going to continue or not) and the job wasn't really one I could do pregnant as it was too physical. I really honestly didn't think I would get the job, I thought it would just be good practice for me to do an interview as I really did want to work in that department one day, so I would get a feel for what they would ask. I was blown away when I did get the job and fessed up straight away (although I did exagerrate slightly and say I'd only just found out).

They were absolutely lovely to me and immediately said they'd postpone me starting until I'd had my ds. You never know, they may surprise you, because if you're the right person for the job (and i'm assuming you are if they gave it to you) they won't mind one bit if you have to start mat leave a few months after starting work.

Another question is your situation with your partner. If you don't see much mileage in the relationship why on earth put yourself through that commute? Can you both find somewhere to live in between? Somewhere like Bedford, Milton Keynes etc. That way if the relationship does break down you haven't killed yourself doing the mother of all commutes, but if it does work out (and I hope it does) you will save yourself a lot of struggling and hassle with the mother of all commutes.

By the way, well done on getting the job and being so practical about getting some financial independence. It shows real maturity in someone so young. I'm sure I wouldn't have been so together at your age, with such a young baby and two more on the way. I hope it all works out for you.

FBG -I know being pregnant and having a small child doesnt stop you from working -I myself managed a hotel with 2 young children whilst being pregnant with ds3 - I worked up until the Tuesday as he was born on the Thursday morning and I returned 4 weeks later - only to become incredibly ill.