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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Devastating anomaly scan - please help

149 replies

Cantdothisagain · 01/06/2009 18:38

This might get too long - I hope someone will read and reply!

I am 20 weeks pregnant and the anomaly scan showed very low amniotic fluid and probably no kidneys, although the view was very poor so we're being sent to a fetal medicine centre on Wednesday morning for another look as our hospital couldn't be sure 100%. Anyway I know the prognosis for either almost no amniotic fluid or no kidneys is very bleak. Has anyone been through this?

We have one DC already of 2, and lost a baby last year to a chromosomal disorder at 13 weeks. I am already facing up to the horror of termination because if my hospital is right and the baby has no kidneys, this condition is always fatal.

I have told nobody about this pregnancy except our parents because the last pregnancy was so traumatic and I've been so anxious over this one, although I relaxed stupidly after the 12 week mark. Luckily I've managed to conceal it despite reaching 20 weeks - it may be the lack of fluid that is making me not show, I now realize, though I was the same with my 2 year old so the small bump didnt concern me.

Anyway I am obviously facing time off work, and my work is the sort of place where people gossip. My boss is utterly indiscreet and tells everyone everything. I can't bear people knowing and saying consoling things; I know from last time I just need to grieve at home. Would my GP write me a sick note that wouldn't say what was going on, does anyone know, or would she not be able to do that?

I can't believe this is happening. The consultant insists there's no link between kidney failure and the chromosomal problem we had last time. But as I said I'm seeing specialists on Wednesday. I am part numb and part just want to lie down and howl. But I'm trying to keep it together for my 2 year old who needs me.

Please be gentle with me....

OP posts:
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Deemented · 05/06/2009 08:21

Thinking of you today, and sending you love and strength x

EyeballshasBackBoobs · 05/06/2009 08:23

I haven't posted but have been reading. Will be thinking of you today xx

Kitsilano · 05/06/2009 08:34

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Thinking of you today.

daftbat · 05/06/2009 09:13

Joseph had exactly the same thing.

If your hospital is like mine, they will take his handprint and give you a box with a camera in for you to take pictures. We took our own. May sound a bit morbid, but s/he is still your baby and you may want a record of the fact later. I have a tiny pic on my bedroom shelf.

I'll be thinking of you today.. and for the next few days until you post again.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

You will get through this, however bad it feels now - you have people at home who need you.

I was v upset afterwards but felt better than I did in the weeks leading up to it - my process was not as quick as yours. Somehow, no longer being able to control it helped me move from frustration, anger and utter desperation into the grieving.

I'll be with you all in thoughts

xx

Buda · 05/06/2009 09:18

You poor thing. I hope today goes as easily as it can for you.

dazmum · 05/06/2009 09:24

I am so sorry this is happening to you.Thinking of you and your family xx

McDreamy · 05/06/2009 09:30

Thinking of you today cantdothisagain. How totally devastating. I am so sorry this happened xxx

LittleMissNorty · 05/06/2009 10:15

{{hugs}}

Thinking of you today x

LeninGrad · 05/06/2009 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mamadiva · 05/06/2009 10:43

I'm not sure what to say in a situation like this.

My little cousin was stillborn, at 37 weeks she died mid labour, I realise it's not the same as your story but I remember my Aunt having pictures taken with the baby and my uncle. Her eldest at the time he was almost 6 held the baby and had his picture taken with his sister I know this really helped him to understand why she was'nt coming home andthat although she is not there everyday he will remember her. That was 12 years ago now and he has the little picture in his wallet and my Aunt has a few pictures placed around the home and I genuinely think it helps everyone dealing with it although the pictures were not viewed for almost a year until she was ready they lay in a little box along with some little keepsakes lock of hair, hand/footprints and the teddy they had bought her

Sorry for rambling I'm not even sure why I said any of that TBH, I have shed tears for you just reading this so I cannot begin to imagine your pain today but somehow you will get through it for yourself and your daughter.

Thinking of you today

mumoverseas · 05/06/2009 10:57

so very sorry cantdothis and will be thinking of you and praying for you today.
My wonderful mother died last week and I will say a prayer that she will find your little one in heaven and look after him or her until it is your time to join your litte one xx

DamonBradleylovesPippi · 05/06/2009 10:59

I am so sorry for what all are going through. I haven't posted but have been reading and sheding tears. Will be thinking of you today and for many days ahead.

daftbat · 05/06/2009 15:49

Hi, I hope today went as well as it could do and you got to spend some time with your precious little one.

I have just read again what you said on your initial note about the horror of termination. I never used that word. It didn't seem appropriate. I told people I was induced early (becuase it is a labour, after all) because of genetic problems and that he was stillborn.

It seemed a fairer description and helped me cope.

Still thinking of you

xxx

musicmaiden · 05/06/2009 16:48

Also thinking of you, so sorry you have go through this horrible, unfair time.
x

macherie · 05/06/2009 20:39

Just wanted to say I am thinking of you and your family today x

Cantdothisagain · 06/06/2009 08:57

Hi all

Mumoverseas, I am so sorry about your mum and thank you for your kind words - I just cried at the thought of your mum taking care of my little one.

Our baby was a little girl, born asleep yesterday evening. The hospital was fantastic - we have hand and toe prints, and will have photos. She was tiny and perfect except she was incredibly squashed, which is part of the condition she had. I held her and kissed her and held her tiny hand and so did DH.

We also had her blessed as the chaplain was around and willing to come. Daftbat, I think your way of putting things is better than mine - you're right about saying induced early.

I am home now and physically weak as I vomited my way through yesterday but I am managing.

Thank you all for your support. xx

OP posts:
andiem · 06/06/2009 09:43

cantdo that is a lovely birth story
thinking of you and your precious little girl

rasputin · 06/06/2009 09:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gromit78 · 06/06/2009 10:03

My dear cantdothisagain, I am so desperately sorry to hear of your sad news. Be sure of my sympathy and prayers for you and your family. The charity 'Life' offers support for those who have terminated their pregnancies.

I wish you all the best for the future.

mumoverseas · 06/06/2009 10:04

cantdothis, I'm so sorry my words made you cry, I never intended that.
I agree with rasputin in that I strongly believe there is a heaven and that one day we will all be reunited with our loved ones. My mum and dad lost their first son when he was 3 1/2 years old and I am holding onto the thought that although I'm devestated that I've lost my mum, having already lost my dad, they are all together again now and I will see them again when my time comes.

You, your DH and your little baby girl remain in my prayers. Be strong sweetie xxx

lulalullabye · 06/06/2009 10:08

As mumoverseas said, there is a heaven and you early bird will be watching over all you lo's present and future. I am glad you got through it, now is time to grieve and spend time with your family x

LittleMissNorty · 06/06/2009 10:20

I also believe that your loved ones will look after your little girl until you meet her again.

{{hugs}} to you and your family xx

HeadFairy · 06/06/2009 10:21

cantdothisagain, I'm so glad you got some precious time with your little girl. I'm sure you'll always treasure it forever. I hope your little girl is with the angels now.

chimchar · 06/06/2009 10:22

can'tdothis..thinking of you, your dh and your little girl....wishing you strength and peace. x

DamonBradleylovesPippi · 06/06/2009 10:36

Cantdothisagain I'm thinking of you and your little girl. xxx.