Devastating anomaly scan - please help

[Cantdothisagain]

This might get too long - I hope someone will read and reply!

I am 20 weeks pregnant and the anomaly scan showed very low amniotic fluid and probably no kidneys, although the view was very poor so we're being sent to a fetal medicine centre on Wednesday morning for another look as our hospital couldn't be sure 100%. Anyway I know the prognosis for either almost no amniotic fluid or no kidneys is very bleak. Has anyone been through this?

We have one DC already of 2, and lost a baby last year to a chromosomal disorder at 13 weeks. I am already facing up to the horror of termination because if my hospital is right and the baby has no kidneys, this condition is always fatal.

I have told nobody about this pregnancy except our parents because the last pregnancy was so traumatic and I've been so anxious over this one, although I relaxed stupidly after the 12 week mark. Luckily I've managed to conceal it despite reaching 20 weeks - it may be the lack of fluid that is making me not show, I now realize, though I was the same with my 2 year old so the small bump didnt concern me.

Anyway I am obviously facing time off work, and my work is the sort of place where people gossip. My boss is utterly indiscreet and tells everyone everything. I can't bear people knowing and saying consoling things; I know from last time I just need to grieve at home. Would my GP write me a sick note that wouldn't say what was going on, does anyone know, or would she not be able to do that?

I can't believe this is happening. The consultant insists there's no link between kidney failure and the chromosomal problem we had last time. But as I said I'm seeing specialists on Wednesday. I am part numb and part just want to lie down and howl. But I'm trying to keep it together for my 2 year old who needs me.

Please be gentle with me....

Good luck. I have been there (not the same condition, but the anomaly scan and the stress of retesting etc.) If it's Kings they are fantastic. Our assigned nurse was fab to talk to as well, I hope you have this sort of support in place already.

I keep cross-posting because I am so slow to type messages (it's the tears...). Thank you for sharing your stories Busierbee and Deemented. I will have time to reflect as I would expect a termination to be next week not this.

It feels surreal that only a few days ago everything felt fine...

Thinking of you and hope and pray that it will be ok.Not the same thing but when I was off for a while after stillborn ds1 my GP wrote Gynealogical problems on my sick lines for months,they had wanted to stop paying me after Mat period ran out,sick pay period was longer.Had worKed 14 years with no sick time.

God it is so shocking - I think you just have to get through it a minute at a time. There are no words to make it okay as you know as you have been here before. It is cruel and sorrowful and the tears are natural and necessary. Hold on tight.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I haven't got anything to add, but just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you x

I am so sorry to hear about this and cannot imagine how you must be feeling.

I do not have any experience of this condition, but last year I had two missed miscarriages, both of which ended with an ERPC at 13 weeks. On both occasions the hospital gave me a sick note which simply said "post-operative recovery". If you do have to terminate, this could be an alternative to "stress" or "bereavement" and may not result in a referal to occupational health.

Work did not know that I was pregnant and I told them that I had to have an operation both times. Fortunately no more questions were asked.

I am very sad to read your terrible news. I've been in shoes very similar to yours and I found Antenatal Results and Choices (ARC) a useful source of information and support, especially before we got a final diagnosis. You may have already heard of them - if not, you can by googling.
I'm so sorry that you're going through this again and I agree with pps re: drs can write something vague on sick notes.

Officially the doctor cannot put "stress" on the sick note, although many do and it is rarely questioned. If your boss is nosy and awkward though they would be able to query it and this could be more of a heartache for you. What the doctor could put, however, is something very vague like "gynaecological condition", "post operative recovery" or "adjustment reaction" (which essentially means what people would think of as stress or bereavement causing more severe illness.

My heart goes out to you.

I am so desperately sorry that you are going through this, it puts all my ridiculous worries into perspective.

Praying that you have good news on Wednesday.

When I had a miscarriage last year, the doctor at the hospital only put "confidential" on the certificate. I didn't ask her to and thought it was strange. I told my boss what had happened anyway.

I am so, so sorry to hear of your situation.

So sorry to read this. Thinking of you. SANDS is a good place if the worst happens xx

Thank you for your replies. I am pretty sure the worst will happen - tomorrow is just to make absolutely sure, because I need to know there is no hope before I can act... obviously.

I think something gynaecological is probably best for the GP - that sort of thing doesn't invite people to ask more questions, usually.

Just wanted you to know that i'm thinking of you today, cantdothisagain.

Remember that you do not need to rush into any decisions today, sweetheart. Take time to think about everything the doctor says. Take care of you x

another one popping in to say I am thinking about you today
take care x

I hope you get some good news today.

I have suffered a late miscarriage at 19 weeks and would like to offer some advise with regards to being signed off of work.

As the baby will be born before 24 weeks then you are not entitled to any maternity leave (or any other benefits like free prescriptions).

I was signed off work with 'late miscarriage' written as the reason. In total I had 6-7 weeks off before I could face going back. IME it is important to have the reason written as pregnancy related as this is then not counted alongside other sickness. This is important if your employer is likely to cause a fuss about you having a lot of time off sick. There is some legal thing whereby pregnancy related sickness doesn't count in the same way as normal sickness. Hope that makes sense.

Cant I have just found this thread and I just wanted to say that I am thinking fo you and your little one today. I cannot begin to imagine how you are feeling, it must be awful for you.

Just try and keep strong and positive for you and your LO, I know it's easier said than done but atleast today will be the end of the 'waiting and wondering' stage.

If the worst happens please take your time in making any decisions, it's up to you of course but please don't rush into it and talk it through with someone your mum or partner!?

If you manage later let us know how you get on, you will all be in my thoughts until we hear from you

Good Luck and sending positive vibes your way x

Hi everyone and thanks for thinking of me.

Today went as expected. I had three scans and one internal scan. Verdict: no kidneys, which is what my hospital had thought. So the prognosis is/would be that the baby would survive to term but could not survive outside the womb at all because he/she would have no lungs. This condition is always fatal and it isn't a question even of the baby living a day or several, it's a matter of minutes. So for me there was no decision to make.

In a way knowing there is no chance makes the decision easier. I can't feel guilty, although probably I will. At the moment I feel exhausted and sad. Utterly lacking energy and I keep forgetting words when I speak. Ironically the baby has started wriggling around again.

So: I took the first tablet today and am being admitted to my own hospital on Friday. It may seem fast but I have had five days to think about it as I already knew what the prognosis would be. I had discussed it with my family and with various consultants now.

I am still holding it together for my 2 year old....

for you. cdta

My sympathies are with you - wishing you lots of strength and hugs through this horrid time.

cantdothisagain, I'm so so sorry to hear this. Please don't feel guilty, you are doing what's best for you and your baby. My thoughts and prayers are with you in what must be the darkest time for you. I hope you and your family are able to say goodbye to your baby in a way that helps soothe your pain.

I am so sorry.
I have been in a very similar situation.
It all seems so unfair.
Thinking of you and your family

So sorry, don't feel guilty you are foing what is right for you & your family, including your baby.
Allow yourself some time, you don't have to hold it together you know. Do you ahv enayone that can help you with your lo so that you & your dh can have some time together.

I am so very sorry. Wishing you strength to get through it all x

cantdo I am so so sorry to see your news I will be thinking of you over the next week
lots of hugs