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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Help needed Everyone, possible 2 dads!!!!

87 replies

hoops997 · 24/04/2009 22:30

Hello everyone,

I am 5 weeks prego and unfortunately had a drunken accident with one of my mates!!! Now I am unsure who the father is......I feel very ashamed and don't feel very nice about the whole thing what the hell can I do about it?

OP posts:

plimple · 24/04/2009 22:34

Shit! Is it a known mistake? Do the working out now as you'll forget later. There's only a very short window of conception. Honesty is the best policy in my book, but then infidelity isn't in my book. I might keep quiet til 12 weeks though...

Original poster

hoops997 · 24/04/2009 22:54

yes I was thinking about not saying a thing until the 'safe' period of 12 weeks is up, but I have worked out my dates and it shows as the mate!!

had sex with boyf on 28 March
had sex with mate 5 April

due date calculater says conception date was 5 April!!!!

my last period was 18th March and my cycle is 32 days

I believe honesty is best policy too, but hellfire what the helll should I do? Been with boyf 2 years, and going through a real bad patch.........help needed please.....sorry to go on bit!!

OP posts:

CompareTheMeerkat · 24/04/2009 22:56

You could have ovulated earlier than usual. I have a 28 day cycle, but DD was conceived on day 8.

Original poster

hoops997 · 24/04/2009 22:59

I think I need to have a dating scan to be absolutely sure cos don't want to piss about with DNA tests when and if I end up with an end product of a babe!!

When is the earliest I could get one of these, I'm booked in with the doc on Wed of next week.........

OP posts:

plimple · 25/04/2009 00:21

Do you want to stay with your boyf? Dating scans mean nothing. Mine have twice given a week earlier to what I know is truth.

Qally · 25/04/2009 00:22

My dating scan was two weeks out. I was sure of my own dates, which showed ds as due Nov. 5th - hospital scans said 17th. He arrived, absolutely full term (no vernix, and huge) on the 2nd.

plimple · 25/04/2009 00:24

My first arrived a week after my date and 2 after the dating scan estimate. 2nd unknown!

kidowner · 25/04/2009 00:34

What a sad carry on for the baby if you don't know who the father is.

You'll need a dna test to be sure because sperm can lurk around or fight off other sperm.

Better be honest and open with all concerned otherwise you'll do your head in with anxiety.

You need to be kind to yourself as babies are always precious and anyway, congratulations.

Babies need good dads so if you are unable to be honest, choose who will make the best dad but don't ask for financial support just in case they find out later you lied.

Claire2009 · 25/04/2009 00:35

I done something similar a couple of years ago.

Split with xp for a month, with an xbf on a weds & got back with xp on the sat and had sex that day, was preg after that!

Xp is still xp & knows about that time, he says ds is his though and doesnt need/want a dna test to prove it. xbf knows of dates & said tell xp to do a dna test cos he aint doing one unless he has to ..

Left at that here?!

may go on J.Kyle one day

Sorry no help but best of luck with everything.

tessofthedurbervilles · 25/04/2009 04:13

The dr won't be much help I'm afraid, my dr told me I was 8 wks (he had a little wheel with dates on) but had to have an emergency scan and the scanner put me back 2 weeks!
Even now I am not convinced my dates are right so am expecting baby when it chooses not on due date...
In regards your situatation I guess a lot depends on the guys? I mean when you are quite obviously pg they will both know they slept with you at the same sort of time so could be the father, will they want to know themselves for sure?
I am a believer in honesty in this kind of situation, I know it is easy to say, but this is your childs father and of huge importance to him/her. The window of conception is not exact at all as op's have verified so you need to think that it could be either.
I have an ex who is bringing up a child on his own and he is not even 100% sure he is his but now loves his boy too much to consider a dna test as he is scared of the result. Please think carefully about your next move....
Oh and congrats by the way! Good luck with it.

Original poster

hoops997 · 25/04/2009 13:17

Thanks everyone for your help, have told boyf about being pg and he is over the moon so that has answered my question, mate is a bit of a dickhead!!!! boyf will make excellent dad, and also has everyone has said you can ovulate at any time, it's funny when we were TTC last year the dr said that I wasn't even ovulting!! how wrong can you be? Anyway I will tell myself that boyf is dad and never even bring mate into it..........I know the importance of having a good dad, mine was rubbish!!!!!!

OP posts:

MuffinBaker · 25/04/2009 13:19

You have to find out exactly who the father is and tell them. The baby and the father has a right to know.

MuffinBaker · 25/04/2009 13:20

kidowner You have got to be joking?!?!?

MuffinBaker · 25/04/2009 13:22

So, in less than 13.5 hours you have decided what is going to be what?

CoteDAzur · 25/04/2009 13:22

So your current plan is to let boyfriend assume he is the dad when quite possibly he isn't? That is a bit cruel, isn't it?

CoteDAzur · 25/04/2009 13:25

Are you financially able to support this baby (and then child, who will need schooling etc) on your own, if boyfriend finds out about the "mate" and leaves?

Ohforfoxsake · 25/04/2009 13:26

You will have to live with the knowledge that your child may be calling the wrong man Daddy. I'm sorry to say, but it is deceitful. You are allowing them to build a bond and a relationship which potentially could cause emotional damage in the long run. Its just not as simple as choosing the best man for the job.

Perhaps you will get away with it, perhaps you will need to check blood groups one day. Maybe you'll throw it in his face in the heat of a particularly bad arguement.

This is a long-term lie. If you can keep a secret and not breathe a word for the next 60 years, then you might get lucky and get away with it.

Surely its better to get it sorted now?

I wish you all the very best whatever you do.

littlelamb · 25/04/2009 13:27

Maybe use a condom next time [bolting door after horse has bolted emoticon]
If this is serious, then you must do the right thing. ANd that means finding out for sure who the father is. I had a boyfriend who found out at 19 that the man he thought was his dad wasn't really and it caused him so much heartbreak. Your baby, whoever the dad is, deserves to know.

kormachameleon · 25/04/2009 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cazboldy · 25/04/2009 13:30

You have got to be honest with everyone.

You made a mistake - but you will make it a whole lot worse by lying!

MuffinBaker · 25/04/2009 13:31

Maybe you have another option?

FAQinglovely · 25/04/2009 13:32

agree you have to be honest with everyone.

CoteDAzur · 25/04/2009 13:33

Meanwhile, I'm assuming your boyfriend knows this mate of yours.

Don't you think he will notice when "his" child starts looking like the mate?

Original poster

hoops997 · 25/04/2009 13:34

oh god, head is in mess

OP posts:

MuffinBaker · 25/04/2009 13:35

why?

i thought you had decided what you were going to do?

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