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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Help needed Everyone, possible 2 dads!!!!

87 replies

hoops997 · 24/04/2009 22:30

Hello everyone,

I am 5 weeks prego and unfortunately had a drunken accident with one of my mates!!! Now I am unsure who the father is......I feel very ashamed and don't feel very nice about the whole thing what the hell can I do about it?

OP posts:

CoteDAzur · 25/04/2009 13:35

You do have another option, of course.

cazboldy · 25/04/2009 13:36

sorry but the mess is of your own making..... and now you have to be responsible and sort it out as best you can.........

FAQinglovely · 25/04/2009 13:37

I could be imagining this - so apologies if I am - but wasn't there something in the news a while back (probably tabloid given the nature of the story) of a man whoo discovered he wasn't the biological father of his child after his child was quite ill and they were looking for a match for the child - and naturally tested the father?? (or something like that?)

littlelamb · 25/04/2009 13:37

I would consider if you really want a baby with either of them tbh. Your relationship can't be that great if you have slept with another person, and I don't buy drinking as an excuse. I have been absolutely blind drunk many a time but have never 'accidentally' slept with someone.

CoteDAzur · 25/04/2009 13:40

What littlelamb said.

Lizzylou · 25/04/2009 13:40

This isn't a little white lie, it is a child's parentage and some honesty now could stop huge repercussions in the future. Let alone the guilt and angst you'd have wondering for years about who your baby's Father was.
You do need to find out for sure, you can't live a lie and also deceive a child and two men.
I know it's a really tough situation but face up to it now so it doesn't eat away at you for years to come.

Original poster

hoops997 · 25/04/2009 13:41

my boyf and I were on a 'break' at the time, but you are all right i have been very stupid, but hey nothing I can do about that, I can't believe someone suggested about the other option, I would never get rid of a child that's wrong, even in these circumstances, yes I can support this child on my own and will if I have to.

OP posts:

SOLOisMeredithGrey · 25/04/2009 13:42

Secrets are very hard to live with ~ especially big secrets like yours.

Thousands of children are brought up with 'Daddy' not really being the biological father due to affairs etc. I don't think I could live with it, but many women do.

Original poster

hoops997 · 25/04/2009 13:43

and also, not getting all anti here, but really need some helpful advice not lectures about how bad I am, I am a 30 year woman not some 18 year old!!!

OP posts:

FAQinglovely · 25/04/2009 13:43

wasn't a very long break if it the 2 possible conception dates are 28th March and 5 April [hnn]

Original poster

hoops997 · 25/04/2009 13:44

no it wasn't but I decided that I did actually love my boyf before I found out I was pg

OP posts:

Lizzylou · 25/04/2009 13:45

Hoops, whats done is done, it happens to lots of people, it's just how you deal with it from now on in.
Hope that it all works out for you

paisleyleaf · 25/04/2009 13:52

I think you need to be honest with your boyfriend and see what he thinks.
I don't think you can test for who the father is until after the baby is born.

CoteDAzur · 25/04/2009 14:04

"I can't believe someone suggested about the other option, I would never get rid of a child that's wrong"

So abortion is flat out wrong but telling a man he's the father of a baby you possibly conceived on a one night stand by a man he knows is OK?

We have different moral compasses, it seems.

Personally, I think your only two options are:
(1) Abort this pregnancy, then TTC with your BF if that is what you want
(2) Continue with this pregnancy, but be honest to your BF that it might not be his baby. Do a DNA test at birth and know for sure. Prepare for possibility that he might leave.

MuffinBaker · 25/04/2009 14:05

Or have the baby adopted.

Original poster

hoops997 · 25/04/2009 14:14

cote, yes I think what you are suggesting is the right course of action as in number 2, I think the operative work in one of your sentences is possibly concieved on a one night stand, so hopefully everything will work out for the best, but what is 100% is that this baby is very much wanted and will be loved and cherished

OP posts:

cazboldy · 25/04/2009 14:16

I find it offensive that you think that an 18 year old would be any more likely to sleep around, and also that it's somehow ok because you are older .......

Obviously age has nothing to do with it!

It's your morals (or lack of them) that count.

Sorry to not be more supportive, but I find your attitude to your situation distasteful!

Original poster

hoops997 · 25/04/2009 14:20

you are entitled to your opinion but it's not your opinion I have asked for!!

OP posts:

MuffinBaker · 25/04/2009 14:22

so do i and it seems like you are tying to convince yourself. it is all wrong.
either you cheat a man out of a baby and you live with someone who doesn't know you have cheated or you could just face up to what you have done and confess to both now

MuffinBaker · 25/04/2009 14:23

You asked what you could do about it, we are telling you.

Lulumama · 25/04/2009 14:23

the only constructive help is what you don;t want to hear

that you should be totally upfront with your BF, not least, he deserves to be able to decide whether or not to continue in teh relatipship with you

the whole thing about 'accidentally' or it just happens that you slept with someone else is a red herring, and age is nothing to do with it

if your relationship is on dodgy ground then that needs attention. but he deserves the truth as does the baby

i think you need to come to terms with the fact you will probably be bringing the baby up alone or in very strained circumstances

Lulumama · 25/04/2009 14:25

oh i see. it's one of those threads where you can only post your opinion if it is what the OP wants to hear

you need to think about the baby, and what he/she deserves

and whether you can keep such a huge secret for the next however many decades

and what if the other potential father decides to stir things up and tell your BF?

ilovemydogandMrObama · 25/04/2009 14:34

If you were on a 'break' and slept with someone else, this isn't such a big deal. But if you don't know paternity, then tell your b/f now -- just that you don't know.

And let him make the decision.

Babies are always good news. Don't let it get to be a grubby situation...

doulalc · 25/04/2009 15:43

Have to agree with those who have said come clean with both. The dates are too close to call. What else can you really do? If you don't, you will have the potential for even more of difficult situation. It's not worth the worry and stress you would carry with you....better to get it over with from the start, then deal with any consequences.

Acknowledge to both that you messed up (although your mate sleeping with you was not his greatest decision either!), apologise for not thinking more clearly, decide if you want to try and make a go of it with your boyfriend, but be willing to understand if he just doesn't want to continue.

Personally, I would prepare to be raising your baby on your own. It may turn out things work out with you and your boyfriend, but best to plan for the possibility that it doesn't.

Difficult life lesson to learn...thankfully you have the means to take care of yourself and your baby. I wish you well....

AzureBlueSky · 25/04/2009 16:17

Well I can offer some experience here (not personally). A good friend of mine was in exactly the same situation, although she was married. She had a brief affair with a collegue and ended up pregnant (she was in her 40's). To cut a very long story short, her baby was born a few months ago. I had advised her to be honest with her DH, she decided against it. As the months have crept by, it has become very obvious that the baby is not her husbands. Nothing has been said so far, but it can only be a matter of time. It's an extremely stressful situation, and I would advise you to be honest, it really isn't worth the stress of waiting for the truth to come out.

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