Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Help needed Everyone, possible 2 dads!!!!

87 replies

hoops997 · 24/04/2009 22:30

Hello everyone,

I am 5 weeks prego and unfortunately had a drunken accident with one of my mates!!! Now I am unsure who the father is......I feel very ashamed and don't feel very nice about the whole thing what the hell can I do about it?

OP posts:

BigBellasBeerBelly · 25/04/2009 16:24

Blimey.

No real advice, it'a up to you.

Just wanted to say good luck with whatever you decide to do.

MuffinBaker · 25/04/2009 16:43

I really think that if you tell your boyfriend there is a chance he will want to work through it. If you con him he will probably leave you.

kidowner · 25/04/2009 16:58

I was trying to be helpful when I last posted but to be honest, as Azure says, if the baby does not look anything like the bf (and babies have an uncanny knack of looking exactly like their daddies)then you are in awkward territory.

It sounds as if you are the type to blow hot then cold over your lovers. Therefore, once the varnish comes off bf again (as it did before mate was bedded)there may be a heated argument where you blurt out 'You're not the father'.

There is also a possibility this child may find out themselves their father is not who they thought it was. So you could potentially ruin 4 peoples' lives completely not by this one drunken antic, but by being dishonest.

As you have already different morals from many of us trying to help you, dishonesty and ruining peoples' lives might not be so bad if it saves your own skin for the time being. Which is why I suggested it, and you took the bait and thought it not a bad idea.

At the end of the day, as I said before, babies are precious and you need to look after yourself. But try to think what would be best for your baby and the men in your life too (if you can).

MuffinBaker · 25/04/2009 17:00

kidowner - speechless but in a good way.

OracleInaCoracle · 25/04/2009 17:16

MuffinBaker · 25/04/2009 17:24

i posted a bit of a mix there of what i meant ignore me

SandJsmum · 25/04/2009 17:28

I brought up a child on my own (with family help) and its hard...I think you should tell your bf. Whats the worst thing that could happen...he will leave you. I dont mean to sound judgemental but your relationship cant be all that secure to do what you did. My relationship with my eldest daughters father was similar in the way that we kept on spliting up then getting back together. I split up with him when I was seven months pregnant because we both knew that the relationship was wrong. I thought my life was over in that I was 26 with a baby. I thought that nobody would want me, but 10 years on I have the best partner ever and we have a 11 month old daughter together. You WILL make the right decision. I dont think you should bring the baby up surrounded by lies. Should that baby not be his, then in years to come they may never forgive you and it could wreck the childs life! Please think long and hard.

Take care x

prettyfly1 · 25/04/2009 17:35

OMG so Kidowner you "TRICKED" a hormonal confused and uncertain woman. Effectively playing games with her.

For those suggesting abortion or adoption to a woman who clearly doesnt want it because the circumstances of conception are not ideal. I dont think that is appropriate - please do not use a sensitive and difficult issue to force your views on someone. It is not the time. Suggesting "have you considered not having the baby or having it adopted" then leaving it if the poster states that isnt what they want is fine, but pushing it as the ideal solution because you dont agree with op lifestyle is outrageous and frankly disgusting from a thread for mothers. Have none of you gotten drunk when you are having a hard time and done something stupid. Because I certainly have. I am not a bad person, not morally bankrupt and not a slut. That sort of attitude is unhelpful and quite frankly cruel.

Op the reason you are getting a major flaming is that you have screwed up. Too many people nowadays end up with unwanted babies as a result of one night of insanity, however you are a grown up with your own means and as a former single parent myself we can do a very, very good job. HOWEVER. Lying to either man is completely unnacceptable. This is your fault however at thirty you are old enough to make your own mind up.

I think you need to be honest with everyone involved then start planning to raise the child on your own. You will only hate yourself otherwise. It is a confusing, difficult and stressful time so I dont blame you for considering the easy way out - first babies and unexpected pregnancies are really scary times and the hormones can make you crazy BUT you need to think of yourself as a mum from right now. You are a mum to an innocent little one who deserves nothing but the best and it is up to you to make sure he or she gets that. Tell your bf the truth at least, right now - stringing him on is incredibly cruel. Then concentrate on yourself and your health. Good luck. Contrary to what many on here believe, children are a blessing regardless of how they come along and I hope you do well with yours.

YanknCock · 25/04/2009 17:43

Frankly looking at the dates, I'd have thought the mate was the much more likely candidate, especially if you have regular cycles.

Reason being that while date of ovulation might change from cycle to cycle, your luteal phase normally does not fluctuate. If your ovulation date was changing cycle to cycle, you wouldn't be bang on 32 days every month.

Obviously there's a first time for everything, but seems like a stretch.

And would think it very very wrong to lie to your boyfriend if the kid is not his. If he wants to be involved, every antenatal appointment he attends with you, every question they ask you about 'the father', you will have to lie over and over again. Couldn't live with it myself.

CoteDAzur · 25/04/2009 17:47

prettyfly - Nobody is "pushing her" to abort or adopt. These are some of the options, that's all.

Nobody called you a "slut". (Are you well?) And you are in no position to tell people what they can or can't suggest to OP as her options.

Just thought we should make that clear.

keels26 · 25/04/2009 17:53

You have to be honest, if not for your bfs sake then for your baby's. My DH found out that his Dad wasnt his biological father after a biology class at college! He realised that it wasnt possible that he was his father because of there blood types. His Mum confirmed it but died very soon after so DH is left without knowing the truth and unable to speak to his Dad about it as he doesnt want to upset him. Its a awful situation to put your child in, especially as you have the opportunity to be honest from the start.
Think your remark about the 18 year old thing is judgemental and uncalled for. I had my DS when I was 18 and 10 years later Im still with my DH and have another baby with him.
Also, aren't you worried your friend might see you pregnant and wonder if the baby might be his and not your BFs?

Original poster

hoops997 · 25/04/2009 17:54

thank you all for your advice, have now sat boyf down and told him the truth, he was v. upset but didn't say he was going to leave me, just that he needs some time to think things through, so yes I have been totally honest, hopefully things will straigten out and we can raise this child in a loving home and the child will know that s/he is wanted by 2 loving parents, I appreicate all of your honesty and advice, best of all I think I am being punished cos I think I have the onset of major morning sickness!!

OP posts:

Northernlurker · 25/04/2009 17:56

Golly hoops you do move fast. Found out you were pregnant, joined mumsnet, posted about your 'accident', told your bf a lie then told him the truth all in 24 hours! It takes some people weeks to work up to that sort of thing.

I hope everything works out for you and the baby.

FAQinglovely · 25/04/2009 17:57

NK - I was thinking the same thing

Good luck OP

CoteDAzur · 25/04/2009 17:58

Good luck, hoops. I hope it works out for all of you.

Morning sickness at 5 weeks??? It does sound like punishment

FAQinglovely · 25/04/2009 18:03

and you got some money since last night as well as you didn't have a pot to piss in then

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 25/04/2009 18:11

Hope it all works out for you. Ignore the people who are getting all sniffy about the fact that you had sex with someone else when you were separated from your boyfriend ie not in an agreed monogamous relationship with him. At that point you were fully entitled to have sex with an entire squadron of the Us Navy if you felt like it.
And you have done the right thing by telling your boyfriend, as well. It is never a good idea to keep secrets around a child's birth circumstances as the truth always comes out, but if everyone knows the truth from the start, it's just part of life and totally manageable.

kidowner · 25/04/2009 22:26

Well done for telling the bf!

I think most of us think you've done the right thing.

As for tricking, not really. The baby will benefit from having an honest mother and a father who knows the score.

As far as I'm concerned, pregnant ladies are sacred. Nothing more amazing and wonderful.

Look after yourself and congratulations on your pregnancy.

nappyaddict · 25/04/2009 22:38

For those of you who said you don't buy alcohol as an excuse. Well I do. When I was younger, much younger in fact, I drunk 1/2 to 3/4 of a bottle of neat vodka in one go. It was stupid thing to do. I was at a party, everyone else was drunk and I wasn't so I thought this will get me drunk. I ended up losing my virginity (I think) All I can remember is the foreplay part and then waking up on my mate's bedroom floor paralysed, unable to move or even open my eyes. They were all talking about what had happened, how I hadn't even appeared to be that drunk and what to do and that's how I found out.

Original poster

hoops997 · 26/04/2009 11:26

Too bloody right I'm terrified, this is a first for me, I suppose I'm quite lucky to have my family around, I don't have money or property, but I do have a job which TBH isn't hard.......I think I could do it right up until I 'm about to drop, my BF still hasn't quite got his head around things but he is staying with me because he loves me (yes he is special, I really don't know what I was thinking when I broke up with him) I think we were in a rut and needed something to shake things up........maybe an unplanned pregnancy was a bit extreme but hey it's happened now and I just have to look forward to being a mum......again thank you for all your help and I do feel a huge weight has been lifted from my shuolders............oh and another question should I be puking 20 times a day.......is this normal??

OP posts:

BigBellasBeerBelly · 26/04/2009 11:38

No idea about the puking hoops, sounds awful.

Maybe start a thread about it in pregnancy if no-one is able to help here

Original poster

hoops997 · 26/04/2009 11:42

the weird thing thing I'm starving too all the time..........

OP posts:

HecatesTwopenceworth · 26/04/2009 11:45

It's good that you've been honest, becuase you do need to know who the father is.

Partly because a child has the right to know who its parents are and partly because a man, imo, has the right to know if he is a father or not.

Of course, there's also family medical history to consider. You need to know about any conditions that run in the family, in case there is anything that might affect your child.

And I'm not even getting into financial responsibilities!

One thing I would advise for the future though, is condoms. It is important to look after your sexual health.

Oh, and congratulations on your pregnancy.

MuffinBaker · 26/04/2009 11:46

What are you going to do to find out who the father is?

Original poster

hoops997 · 26/04/2009 11:53

my BF and I have agreed to cross that brigde when it comes to it, got to get through the next 8 months yet!! They say that around 50% of first pregnancies end in MC, so being very rrealistic here, obviously I hope this doesn't happen.......

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread