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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Baby hand-me-downs gripe

113 replies

Poppet45 · 15/04/2009 16:44

Bah humbug...
Sorry to sound like a real ungrateful mare but this is our first little one, money is going to be very tight and as we're moving halfway across the country when I'm around 7-8 months pregnant we're starting to amass our little hoard of baby things now.
We have loads of family and friends who have had little ones in the last five years, and they keep saying 'ooh yes we'll sort you lots of things out'.
What have we ended up with? Eight soft toys FFS... one of which is very likely to even be the wrong colour if my little one is a boy as all the sonographers suspect, and the generous benefactor has also been told that. Oh and then we tried to get a freecycle pushchair from this woman who stipulated 'no time wasters' then she expertly arranged for us to come round as she was feeding her baby was incredibly rude, wouldn't show us how it even folded down and palmed off a filthy buggy, covered in I suspect vomit, and also missing a wheel, which she insisted had been pulled off it overnight. Honestly, it feels like we're being used as garbage collectors.
Am starting from scratch with an NCT nearly new sale and eBay. Can you lovely ladies between you suggest the bare minimum a babe needs in terms of furniture and equipment and clothes and I'll use it to tick it off as I go. PS I'm expecting a lovely little summer baby.
Thanks.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Tyniclogs · 15/04/2009 23:06

Raptuous applause from a amused juvenile!

MintChocAddict · 15/04/2009 23:16

Shock Grin

StewieGriffinsMom · 15/04/2009 23:25

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MirandaG · 15/04/2009 23:31

Blimey, that was fantastic!
The whole thing kind of reminded me of girls in school who didn't read the exam question properly and then wondered why they didn't do very well.

MrsMerryHenry · 15/04/2009 23:39

"Maybe some of you lot get your parents to buy lots of bits for the baby. That must be nice."

Er, what would be nice would be having parents, let alone asking them to buy stuff for my DCs.

However I do understand your disappointment that people promised you stuff and it turned out to be icing rather than the cake itself. I find ebay is brilliant - you can get lots of lovely clothes at amazing prices - for example my DS has always had funky coats from Gap and Next, and I've never paid more than a fiver for any of them.

Best of luck with your house move, pregnancy, and becoming a mum!

MirandaG · 15/04/2009 23:43

Going back to the original question in all seriousness Poppet, don't bath your baby in the basin or sink - it is just too close to the hot tap and I know because I had a near miss once. Wet newborns are very slippy, which is why that bath seat is fantastic, even if it seems like an indulgence, because it keeps the baby altogether IYKWIM. Also wrapping he/she in a muslin stops all the wild flailing of arms as you lower them into whatever you are bathing them in. Sorry you had such a rotten experience of mumsnet but it really isn't always like this at all.

slightlycrumpled · 15/04/2009 23:59

Poppet, that was fab! I wish I had half your balls.

cat64 · 16/04/2009 00:11

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TeenyTinyToria · 16/04/2009 00:41

Can I just say that a baby bath is actually a good idea? My son still uses it at 2 yrs old because it means that I don't have to waste water on filling a whole bath. He can also sit comfortably and play without needing me to be with him constantly, as it's shallow enough for him to be safe while I'm in the next room.

Jackaroo · 16/04/2009 06:49

Oh dear.

Well, I suppose you are pg.

Just wondering if everyone in the world is as crap and unfeeling when you're not pg.?

I tend to take my cue from what you, the OP have said, and from what I remember you berated the mother for feeding her child when she was expecting you (obviously she hadn't clued the child in to the the diary arrangements), and then accused her of abandoning her children too... completely confusing. Hope no one judges you similarly - oh, yes, they did.

Just so you don't feel too isolated, I didnt' amass anything very much at all. I bought all my stuff myself, despite having several friends (I know! They can't know the real me)..mostly just got a few toys, but they were new, so that's lucky.

I've just decided to take a few minutes out of my busy life as a pg. princess to look at what you ACTUALLY said, just to make sure that I didn't misunderstand you......

"we're moving halfway across the country when I'm around 7-8 months pregnant" - presumably you had a say in that somewhere? But agree, you need proper packers/vans for that.. We're moving at 37 weeks and DH is currently positive he can do it by himself.

"..even be the wrong colour if my little one is a boy.. the generous benefactor has also been told that..." - I bet she's glad she made the effort now.

".. expertly arranged for us to come round as she was feeding her baby was incredibly rude..peered at us through her half shut door while leaving her kid unattended " Well which was it sweetie, because either she was feeding her child in a most inconvenient fashion, or should have been reported for neglect.

"we're thinking a sling and a bus, will the hospital kick up a fuss about that.." Before you starting berating others for not having a clue, perhaps you should get a little practical help on the basics yourself.

"..I asked if people had any of their old baby gear in their lofts..." which presumably put everyone in an awkard position of feeling they had to help. How the hell do you know why they would or wouldn't want to hold on to stuff? The only person who gave me what was useful, well, I didn't ask, they were offered, was a friend who handed over all her newborn basics because she had CA whilst pg. and wasn't going to have another baby. Life sucks doesn't it?

"don't want to waste what was once money from my dead mum.... Maybe some of you lot get your parents to buy lots of bits for the baby. That must be nice... And actually people seem to rely on their mums for a hell of a lot when pregnant and after giving birth... and if anything they seem pretty ungrateful about that help, which I'd chew my right arm off for.... DH's mum will be busy nursing her hubby with a terminal neurodegenerative illness so we're all on our own..." and here, dear reader, I suspect we come to the crux of the problem. It's horrible, and heart breaking when we don't have our parents, even if it's just from estrangement, but especially if they've died, but it's not anyone else's fault, and it does you no favours to make everyone else pay for your pain/anger. I'd say, ditch the movers afterall, stay off work a little less time, and get some au pair type help for 3-6 weeks.

"..a pack of bored housewives.." ..clarsy

"..What horrible minds you and your righteous indignation inhabit...." pot, kettle, black, look in the mirror, oh there are so many cliches, I can barely breathe..

"..I thought my hubby was being a bit harsh when he looked at some of these threads and thought they were dominated by rather too many spoilt little princess types. I was wrong..." Thank goodness you have someone on your team who thinks as you do. It must make life just about bearable.

Gosh, someone must have taken over my body because I never EVER post like this - but, well, I feel SOOO much better for it.

ah yes, I've finally come off the drugs in expectation of our next happy delivery, and it seems very much that out of the mouths of babes, drunks, and women who are off their med.s..... apparently DH finds it "refreshing"....

alicecrail · 16/04/2009 07:30

poppet congratulations on pregnancy. It is hard and no one will disagree with you especially not having parents about to help but a lot of people don't. Most of our baby stuff was from friends/family - we were very lucky. Many people i know have got a lot of their dc's stuff from car boot and jumble sales - it may be worth a look. I won't post a list as you have had many already, and i have nothing to add to those.

Obviously i don't know you in real life, and i mean this in the nicest possible way, but on here you come across as rather defensive - even from the first post. I know it's not nice knowing you will have to rely on hand me downs and can't just buy that cute little outfit because you want to. Your baby really will not mind. Perhaps though you come across as a little defensive in real life too, people may feel that you dont want their baby stuff but only asking because you need it. Perhaps they feel like you don't think its good enough and given a choice you would rather not have it iyswim? But like i say, i don't know you so it is pure speculation. Good luck with your move and the rest of the pregnancy, oh and you will not feel like getting the bus home!

cyteen · 16/04/2009 09:15

As a fellow ranter Poppet I salute you, even though most of what you posted is complete bollocks

The main bit of baby stuff advice I would give is get the basics (somewhere for it to sleep, enough clothes to keep it in a clean outfit, nappies, a blanket, a buggy and/or sling, lots of love) and then wait and see what kind of little person you've got on your hands. Different babies get on with different stuff and one mum's must-have is another mum's junk. E.g. my SIL very kindly bought us the same bouncy chair that her two loved (ooh, aren't I spoiled) and my LO never enjoyed it at all.

I'd also suggest cultivating other new mum friends, however you meet them (antenatal classes, local baby groups, god help us even online communities), as you may find yourselves able to swap bits and pieces depending on what your babies do and don't get on with.

cyteen · 16/04/2009 09:19

You can also borrow stuff like Bumbos from toy libraries - ask at your local Surestart centre - better to borrow stuff like that and see whether your baby loves or hates it, than buy one and find out it doesn't suit.

Similarly, have a look on Slingmeet for sling-trying opportunities.

TaurielTest · 16/04/2009 09:33

Bus and sling home will be fine, assuming you're up to the bus. We had no carseat.
Also, you're not legally required to use a carseat in a taxi.

MirandaG · 16/04/2009 10:33

Some taxi companies have babyseats. I bet those doing pick ups from maternity hospitals have them.

atigercametotea · 16/04/2009 13:09

glad you got all that off your chest!

i don't what else to say I am in shock!

and agree wholly with the very articulate Jackaroo!

themildmanneredjanitor · 16/04/2009 13:13

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RenderMeSpeechless · 16/04/2009 14:01

Jeez, she was only asking for a list of essentials that she could buy before the LO comes along - not a crime so far as I am aware. I was reading these threads last night in utter disgust....

what exactly was the crime here?

asking for advice?
not wording it in a suitable enough MN way?
looking forward to some hand-me-downs?
having a brain and bollocks?
being pregnant, emotional, missing her mother?
being on a tight budget?

Good luck with your pregnancy Poppet, I have a feeling that things will work out just great for you.

Nekabu · 16/04/2009 14:30

No crime but she was very rude. Jackaroo's post says it for me.

CassORole · 16/04/2009 15:47

Ouch!

AppleAndBlackberry · 16/04/2009 16:24

In case it helps - some information from when I was looking for baby stuff:

The cheapest from-birth pushchair I found was the Chicco Winter London - £50 from various sites.

Cheapest cot: IKEA Sniglar £28 (and IKEA do cot mattresses for £20)

Cheapest baby bath: IKEA £5

Argos and IKEA both had some good value bedding sets.

Argos also have a car seat for £30 and moses baskets for £30, though it doesn't sound like these are essential to you.

If you're buying something second hand it's worth comparing with the new price. E.g. it's probably not worth spending £40 on a buggy that's going to wear out in 6 months if you can get a new one for £50.

Other than that, good luck with your pregnancy!

breaghsmum · 16/04/2009 16:39

no crime, but i suspect many mneters are the type of people who are glad to help out someone in need and only expect a tiny bit of gratitude for their generousity.

if a toy is the wrong colour, kindly refuse the offer and explain why.

if the buggy didnt please you, dont take it.

if you dont want to pay to cart stuff accross the country then wait until you have moved before gathering things you dont want.

a baby needs to be clean,warm, fed and loved.

it is up to the two people who conceived the child to meets these needs and not friends, relatives, neighbours or grandparents.

if you both work your asses off then im sure you will see fit to aportion some of your wage to caring for this baby i assume you chose to have.

you will find that if you appear grateful for donations, whether suitable or not, then people will be less offended if you inform them that it isnt what you need. they might then ask what you actually do need.

Sheeta · 16/04/2009 21:50

Poppet, are you an only child?

(yes, I know I'm going to get a massive slating for that, but I'm just asking...)

YesSirICanBoogie · 17/04/2009 19:40

The extremely unkind people who posted on this thread were probably the same people who recently had a go at a woman who was considering aborting a deformed baby. Bullies. Good luck!

Supercherry · 17/04/2009 20:26

Essentials IMO for a newborn:

Bottles/Steriliser/Breast Pump- depending on how you're planning on feeding- breast is cheapest!!

10 Babygrows at least, otherwise you'll be washing ALL the time, my DS lived in grows for ages.

Vests- I didn't use as many at first as too scared to put over baby's head .

Moses Basket or Crib or Cot and mattress.

At least 2 mattress covers, 2 sheets, 2 blankets.

Muslins.

5 Bibs to catch sick if sicky baby.

Breastfeeding pillow.

Breastfeeding bra and pads.

Pram.

Car seat- what if you don't feel up to walking from hospital?

Scratch Mittens or can use socks instead which actually stay on better.

2 Hats.

Baby smellies- nappy cream, cotton wool, mild baby wash.

Baby bath or could just bath in sink if really sink or in bath with you.

Nappies- don't get too many stocked up in first size as baby can grow out of quite quickly.

Changing mat.

Towels.

Some of these may not be really essential but will make life easier.

You can buy some things with the pregnancy grant and should get some help if on low income. Primark is really cheap too. Go to charity shops.

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